sockpuppet Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 This runs in a tangent to another thread I just posted, kind of... I'd like some opinions from some of the attractive women here regarding guy friends. I've noticed, with a lot of women, that from the outside they tend to assume every guy that is "friendly" with them has friendly intentions, when in reality it is obvious that the guy would sleep with them if he had the chance. Usually the guys are content with friendship, but I doubt many of them would turn down something more. As a woman, how do you deal with this? Is any sensible woman really this obtuse, or does someone deny the obvious like this for another reason? Reasons I'm thinking of could include not wanting to be confrontational, or not wanting to have to be responsible for shutting the guy down or distancing yourself from him. Or maybe a big reason is the girl likes the attention? It's just frustrating from a boyfriend's perspective to see this kind of thing, I know it doesn't mean the girl is going to do anything, but I feel like if a guy indulged in that kind of attention, his girlfriend would be all over him. Am I way off the mark?
monkey00 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 but I feel like if a guy indulged in that kind of attention, his girlfriend would be all over him. Am I way off the mark? You are off the mark my friend. If a couple are in a relationship with respect to each other (as in not plannning to upgrade/sleep around), neither would cross that line. Women arent idiots, they know when a guy wants to be 'just friends' or if a guy is trying to get into their pants. Some like the attention, and some dont like to be mean...you could blame the girl for leading a guy on, but i think the guy should take more responsibility for such a situation.
Author sockpuppet Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Where exactly is that line? My ex and I fought sometimes about guys that obviously wanted her...usually I didn't care, just a few instances where the guys wanted her to go across the country to visit them, and she denied until the end that they had anything other than friendly intentions. It's the kind of thing where I'd be much happier with a girl saying, "yea he probably has a thing for me, but I'm not going to do anything and I'm not going to make him think I want anything with him," than with her denying the obvious and insulting my intelligence.
climbergirl Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 This runs in a tangent to another thread I just posted, kind of... I'd like some opinions from some of the attractive women here regarding guy friends. I've noticed, with a lot of women, that from the outside they tend to assume every guy that is "friendly" with them has friendly intentions, when in reality it is obvious that the guy would sleep with them if he had the chance. Usually the guys are content with friendship, but I doubt many of them would turn down something more. As a woman, how do you deal with this? Is any sensible woman really this obtuse, or does someone deny the obvious like this for another reason? Reasons I'm thinking of could include not wanting to be confrontational, or not wanting to have to be responsible for shutting the guy down or distancing yourself from him. Or maybe a big reason is the girl likes the attention? It's just frustrating from a boyfriend's perspective to see this kind of thing, I know it doesn't mean the girl is going to do anything, but I feel like if a guy indulged in that kind of attention, his girlfriend would be all over him. Am I way off the mark? I could be all over the place on this one, but it comes down to this. I may know someone is attracted to me, but I don't care how depressed I am, how drunk I am, how lonely I am.....I'm not going to sleep with them. Period. Women (I'm assuming that most) have the ability to compartmentalize their sexual urges for the most part. Men on here complain about, 'once you're in the friend zone, there's no getting out', and that's why I don't understand why men have a problem with women having male friends. If knowing that, why the jealousy w/ female/male friendships. Which brings me to the next point... The reason we women could have a problem with you having female friends is because of the mindset stated by you, OP. That you may be content with the friendship, but wouldn't turn down a sexual overture. Yeah, it's hypocritical. I know. I'm sure some are going to fault the woman for remaining friends with someone they know is attracted to them. But, does a person need it spelled out that someone isn't going to be with them? Personally, if a guy I was attracted to was dating others, and never made an advance towards me-I'd be guessing that he wasn't interested in that type of relationship w/me and I'd make a decision to go away or enjoy a platonic friendship. Also, I know that I can find someone attractive, yet not find them sexually attractive. BTW-you're not off mark and I think it's a great question. Keep in mind that we are wired differently.
monkey00 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Doesnt sound to me like she fully respected you or the relationship. and i wouldnt completely say you couldnt see it coming as she sounds like a social animal based off what you said, and to top it off she's hot also...so yea no irony here. But imho, it was a good decision to break it off.
Author sockpuppet Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 I could be all over the place on this one, but it comes down to this. I may know someone is attracted to me, but I don't care how depressed I am, how drunk I am, how lonely I am.....I'm not going to sleep with them. Period. Women (I'm assuming that most) have the ability to compartmentalize their sexual urges for the most part. Men on here complain about, 'once you're in the friend zone, there's no getting out', and that's why I don't understand why men have a problem with women having male friends. If knowing that, why the jealousy w/ female/male friendships. Which brings me to the next point... The reason we women could have a problem with you having female friends is because of the mindset stated by you, OP. That you may be content with the friendship, but wouldn't turn down a sexual overture. Yeah, it's hypocritical. I know. I'm sure some are going to fault the woman for remaining friends with someone they know is attracted to them. But, does a person need it spelled out that someone isn't going to be with them? Personally, if a guy I was attracted to was dating others, and never made an advance towards me-I'd be guessing that he wasn't interested in that type of relationship w/me and I'd make a decision to go away or enjoy a platonic friendship. Also, I know that I can find someone attractive, yet not find them sexually attractive. BTW-you're not off mark and I think it's a great question. Keep in mind that we are wired differently. I think as long as the girl really puts the guy in the "friend zone" it's not an issue...though I think it is possible for a guy to "break out" of it, especially if the girl goes through a weak stage. What I'd be more concerned about is a girl enjoying the attention way too much. In situations like that, it bothers me that a girl can go pretty far without actually physically crossing any lines. This could just be my own bitterness speaking though, cause lately I've had a painful lack of that kind of attention.
Author sockpuppet Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Doesnt sound to me like she fully respected you or the relationship. and i wouldnt completely say you couldnt see it coming as she sounds like a social animal based off what you said, and to top it off she's hot also...so yea no irony here. But imho, it was a good decision to break it off. I misrepresented that a little bit. She never actually went out to visit them, and she never even seriously considered it. I was just annoyed that she didn't see it as meaning something more than a typical friendship.
monkey00 Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I misrepresented that a little bit. She never actually went out to visit them, and she never even seriously considered it. I was just annoyed that she didn't see it as meaning something more than a typical friendship. Well who knows she may have. But sometimes it's pointless creating unnecessary drama/arguments - which in case could just be easier to be in denial. But careful with wishful thinking. If she really said ""yea he probably has a thing for me, but I'm not going to do anything and I'm not going to make him think I want anything with him" - that would be pretty disrespectful...and more likely than not an argument wouldve happened. However if she said "hey you're my bf, im not interested in being with anyone other than you." - that would be more assuring.
climbergirl Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 I think as long as the girl really puts the guy in the "friend zone" it's not an issue...though I think it is possible for a guy to "break out" of it, especially if the girl goes through a weak stage. What I'd be more concerned about is a girl enjoying the attention way too much. In situations like that, it bothers me that a girl can go pretty far without actually physically crossing any lines. This could just be my own bitterness speaking though, cause lately I've had a painful lack of that kind of attention. IMO, if she succumbs to a weak moment (are you talking a break up?), then she is hurting her 'friend'. She was misrepresenting her intentions to her ex-bf, herself, and her so called 'friend'.....the 'dick in a glass case' syndrome. That is not friendship. Sockpuppet, do you know if she's downplayed your relationship to her male friends? If she has, and just my opinion, she is being disrespectful to you.
Author sockpuppet Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 IMO, if she succumbs to a weak moment (are you talking a break up?), then she is hurting her 'friend'. She was misrepresenting her intentions to her ex-bf, herself, and her so called 'friend'.....the 'dick in a glass case' syndrome. That is not friendship. Sockpuppet, do you know if she's downplayed your relationship to her male friends? If she has, and just my opinion, she is being disrespectful to you. It's irrelevant now since we're not together anyways, but it's just something I'm interested in understanding. No, she never downplayed the relationship. She's honestly not the cheating type, and if anything, most of her friends talked about how head over heels she was for me. There were always just a few lingering guy 'friends', one of them being an ex, that caused some tension. I have no problem with her having guy friends by the way, I can just read guys really well.
DanielMadr Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 They are no friends. They are fans. Its rgo boosting to have that much attention. If hee friend is 80yo on wheelchair or gay, she can spent evening with him. In other case he is or she is trying to get to each others pants.
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