fallendisguise Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 don't laugh, but would you say these qualities are attraction killers? I have my reasons/theories for asking... when I personally display these qualites... women tend to shy away. But when I turn on the 'coldness'.... they quickly pursue. Which is why some talk about the challenge , the truth behind it and how the mind works. I really think that is has to do with where the woman is at in her life. I hate to admit this, but I have run from guys who were like that in the past because I was not "ready" for it and intimidated the hell out of me, but yet wanted it at the same time because no one wants to be crapped on. I think at the time if I would have met a guy who was like that, but was very casual about the whole thing and I didn't feel the pressure of having something so serious so soon, it might have worked out. I definitely agree that men/women in general due pursue a challenge. And I think in most cases, it has nothing to do with the person who is doing the challenge. I think it is more the thrill of the chase and being able to overcome it. Does that make sense? For example, say someone tells you that you CAN'T do something. Of course your then going to go "Why YES I can!" even if you didn't want to in the first place. I don't think I'm doing all that great of a job explaining that, but hopefully you get what I am failing trying to say. Also, if you meet someone who is fantastic, it's not going to be exciting if they just hand everything over to you, unless of course you have made that "connection" with them right off the bat, than the challenge doesn't really matter to you. For example, say you go on a first date with a girl who you are interested in, but right from the get go she tells you how much she likes you and wants a relationship with you and is willing to "give it up" right away. Are you going to pursue that? There's no excitement in that. Sure you might pursue her (or him if you're a female) on a physical level because it's available, but would you on a romantic level? There needs to be some chasing on both sides, but not in a negative way. Like I'm going to let him chase me so I can figure out how much he likes me. No, that's not what it's about. But I do think when both parties are chasing, then that's when they figure out just how much they like the other person and are willing to make it more. It needs to be 50/50. Just my thoughts.
Author SouthernT Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 Well....its human nature to want what we CANT have, so of course this works for men and women both. Being sweet, kind, caring ect....are not attraction killers, my point was simply that these elements dont automatically equal attraction. I think this guy really got my head going because he showed these things AND the attraction was there and then he pulled back a little. And I must admit that it worked otherwise I wouldnt be sitting here racking my brain. And on top of that, he's not pressuring me for sex so that makes me want him THAT much more. And of course this may not make sense to anybody...but hey...........
Hitman10000 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Opinions and advice aside, the truth is the guy doesn't see you as a serious target. Others might say "not yet" , I say... forget him.
2ndIINone Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 For example, say you go on a first date with a girl who you are interested in, but right from the get go she tells you how much she likes you and wants a relationship with you and is willing to "give it up" right away. Are you going to pursue that? Been there... often too and quite recently. Chatted with a girl online... she was making all kinds of "I dig you" hints... met in person... and her hints doubled. I found myself thinkin'... "Wow, she's really into me.... " which SHOULD have been a good thing cause she was genuine sweet and sincere, and very easy on the eyes. BUT, she made it too easy for me. I didn't have a strong desire to call her the next few days. THEN, she disappeared for a little while.... blew off a couple text messages and was very short answered with me and I found myself thinkin' ..." hmmm... where'd she go? Maybe I was wrong about her? Maybe she's dating someone else??... I need to write about her on LS!... what's she thinkin?" :laugh: And of course this may not make sense to anybody...but hey........... it makes perfect sense to me. His actions/words are hot and cold. This would confuse anyone.
bridget_jones Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Opinions and advice aside, the truth is the guy doesn't see you as a serious target. Others might say "not yet" , I say... forget him. Yeah, that's the bottom line here. The first time she tried to make contact several times and he blew her off for a month. Then acouple months after that he calls, they go out, and he blows her off for another month. Shame me once, shame me twice? I think it's possible he's bad in bed (erectile dysfunction) and doesn't want to get serious with a girl and get to that point and humiliate himself. Forget this dude.
stace79 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Funny thing about me: if I actually like someone, I act like it, you know by returning calls, asking to hang out sometimes, doing things with the guy. Surprisingly true, as well, is if I don't like you, I don't act like it....I don't call him, don't return voicemails or texts much if at all, don't ask to see him. Go figure. Who'd have ever thought my actions would align with my words and feelings. I'm so sick of games. I guess the old cat ladies of the world, beware, because I'll be taking their place soon.
Author SouthernT Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 Yeah, that's the bottom line here. The first time she tried to make contact several times and he blew her off for a month. Then acouple months after that he calls, they go out, and he blows her off for another month. Shame me once, shame me twice? I think it's possible he's bad in bed (erectile dysfunction) and doesn't want to get serious with a girl and get to that point and humiliate himself. Forget this dude. That's funny because the exact same thing actually crossed my mind. While he hasnt pressured me for sex, he always makes comments. (ALL guys do this....) but he doesnt ACT on the comments. HE knows where to draw the line. He ALWAYS pays me compliments and things. And I know the attraction is there, I've never had a problem in that department. That is typically the first thing to turn me off about a guy, if he oogles me and acts like there is nothing behind my body and face. I have constantly been told that men are afraid to approach me because I am beautiful and poised. And any guy who approaches me can tell right off the bat that if they are going to pursue me, then they will have to be serious about it. But what I REALLY find WEIRD is that he hasnt even kissed me yet and its been 5 months.....I just don't get it.......
Author SouthernT Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 oh...and by the way we are both only 27 years old. So I would pray that he is not suffering from erectile dysfunction......
DanielMadr Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I really think that is has to do with where the woman is at in her life. I hate to admit this, but I have run from guys who were like that in the past because I was not "ready" for it and intimidated the hell out of me, but yet wanted it at the same time because no one wants to be crapped on. I think at the time if I would have met a guy who was like that, but was very casual about the whole thing and I didn't feel the pressure of having something so serious so soon, it might have worked out. That is the core of problem. Girls doing Hit & Run out of freedom issues but speaking in terms, they want serious long term relationship. Doomed are those so called nice guys who believe it. Girls behaving like guys and guys behaving like girls. What a mess. Thanks for sincerity btw fallendisguise
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