Why do men do this?????.........

[LuckyNLove]

Men want action... I personally think he knows (since you were so up front) that you did not want a casual sexual relationship, that he has put you on back burner. He likes you enough to take you out, but only as a last resort. I guarantee he has another in the wings that is putting out. I think you should ditch him. But that is me...

[SouthernT]

Nikki that was an awsome answer!!! Kudos to Nikki...LOL.......we should have a point system for the best answers on here.

 

I guess I'm just going to try and be confident and tell myself "yeah he's interested in me. why wouldnt he be?" I know that guys like girls to be confident in knowing where they stand with a guy regardless of whats going on. But at the same time, guys you have to give us girls something to work with so that we dont end up looking like the fool in the end.

 

And to Daniel, being a challenge is very attrative to a girl, but you have to know where to draw the line. By being too much of a challenge, you also send signals that you are not interested period. But hey....whatever floats your boat!! If you like then I love it!! lol.....

[DanielMadr]

 

I guess I'm just going to try and be confident and tell myself "yeah he's interested in me. why wouldnt he be?" I know that guys like girls to be confident in knowing where they stand with a guy regardless of whats going on.

We like confident girls b/c they are less drama and less responsibility. If she is insecure it signals drama, drama, crying, drama, more crying, mind games, drama:laugh:

And to Daniel, being a challenge is very attrative to a girl, but you have to know where to draw the line. By being too much of a challenge, you also send signals that you are not interested period. But hey....whatever floats your boat!! If you like then I love it!! lol.....

 

Yeah I wasnt interested. Thats the whole point of challenge/hard to get...to appear uninterested. It wasnt an intention. But it surely could float my boat. It works wonders. You wait a week to call and they say yes. You call the other day and they say no. Never stops to amaze me:confused:

 

What do you mean by If you like then I love it!! lol..... I think I miss something or I have error in translation.

[SouthernT]

So Daniel are you saying that by being a challenge, thats your way of saying that you're NOT interested? Expand on this please?

 

Oh and I didnt mean anything by "If you like then i love it". Its just a saying. Same as "whatever floats your boat". In other words...whatever you like and whatever makes you happy and works for you. Thats all i was saying....

[ash519]

Real life story Southern: I met a guy named Steve. CUTE! Seemingly sweet. We were seeing eachother a bit and were not having sex when all of a sudden he disappeared for 2 weeks. I called and he never called back. Then next thing i know my phone rings, it's him wanting to hang out. We hang out, then he disappears.

This happend repeatedly...meanwhile he is saying things like "You're not cheating on me right" "Am I your only man?" "You better not two time me" "Come meet my family"...and texting me "good morning honey" after blowing me off.

 

We did end up sleeping together a lot but this pattern repeated itself for months. I was infatuated and let it continue. He was my bad boy.

Our pic was even on his fridge (he lived with 3 roommates.)

 

Come to find out he was sleeping around....ALOT!!! Which is why he would disappear.

 

Anyway, you shouldnt have to chase him, and i dont think he sounds like an awful guy, but the whole disappearing for a month while you are calling him once a week and he is ignoring you is a red flag that shows how important you are not to him. I would cut this guy, unless you dont mind this treatment.

[bridget_jones]

You're joking, right? A guy is only worth having if he chases after you? haha.. that's about egotistical if I ever heard it. You condem Daniel for wanting girls to chase after him, but you'll discard a man who doesn't run after you like you stole his car. hahahahaha hahahah

What do you mean, I'm condemning him?

That's awfully dramatic. I'm sorry you haven't had the experience of a guy actually being so interested in you he actually called and asked you out and wanted to see you. That's kinda sad.

I didn't say he had to run after me like I stole his car, but he does have to show interest and a guy who doesn't call, isn't showing any interest. It's not egotistical, if a guy likes you, he shows it by...ummm....calling and wanting to see you? How is this a difficult concept? The OP's guy didn't call her or even show the least bit of interest for, what, two months, she's supposed to keep calling and stuff? He's just not that into her.

But I've read your posts, Walk, and I know that you're willing to put up with a lot of crap from men so I guess that's the difference. Get that book, He's Just Not That Into You. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

[ash519]

Bridget- I totally agree with you. 2 months is not showing 'interest'. The book "He's Just Not That Into You" May certainly be a help.

 

I dont need a man falling all over me when we first start dating, but show a little effort, and this man is not showing anything. If I call a guy and 2 months later he calls and wants to hang out, uhmm, yeah, ok. Then say i do hang out and months go by AGAIN!!! Obviously i dont mean that much to him.

 

I was a fool once in a situation similar and never again!! I am worth way too much.

[DanielMadr]

So Daniel are you saying that by being a challenge, thats your way of saying that you're NOT interested? Expand on this please?

 

Not at all. By being a challenge not calling too often, taking it slowly, be busy etc. its the form of hard to get. The whole point of this is not to show high interest. Some girls are so used to be chased, that they get curious when someone is maintaining his distance. And most of all, he is not a threat to her freedom, he presents no drama. And o/c its the taste of something you cant have easily. Thats the theory. In reality it works. Ask any guy if he had a girl pursuing him, when he was not interested in her....he was natural challenge. That girl just wanted him, b/c he didnt want her that much. Its actually The Rules used on girls. Problem with challenge is it doesnt work on guys....we are used to be blown off, so when girl isnt showing interest, we assume she is not´and move on.

[DanielMadr]

Bridget- I totally agree with you. 2 months is not showing 'interest'. The book "He's Just Not That Into You" May certainly be a help.

 

I dont need a man falling all over me when we first start dating, but show a little effort, and this man is not showing anything. If I call a guy and 2 months later he calls and wants to hang out, uhmm, yeah, ok. Then say i do hang out and months go by AGAIN!!! Obviously i dont mean that much to him.

 

I was a fool once in a situation similar and never again!! I am worth way too much.

 

Maybe if you showed more interest in the first meeting he wouldnt bother with those potentional other girls. You didnt call him. Only answered his calls not very warmly? He ejected temporarily. Only to come back two month when you had enough time to analyze it.

[DanielMadr]

You're joking, right? A guy is only worth having if he chases after you? haha.. that's about egotistical if I ever heard it. You condem Daniel for wanting girls to chase after him, but you'll discard a man who doesn't run after you like you stole his car. hahahahaha hahahah

What do you mean, I'm condemning him?

That's awfully dramatic. I'm sorry you haven't had the experience of a guy actually being so interested in you he actually called and asked you out and wanted to see you. That's kinda sad.

I didn't say he had to run after me like I stole his car, but he does have to show interest and a guy who doesn't call, isn't showing any interest. It's not egotistical, if a guy likes you, he shows it by...ummm....calling and wanting to see you? How is this a difficult concept? The OP's guy didn't call her or even show the least bit of interest for, what, two months, she's supposed to keep calling and stuff? He's just not that into her.

But I've read your posts, Walk, and I know that you're willing to put up with a lot of crap from men so I guess that's the difference. Get that book, He's Just Not That Into You. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

 

You are too bitter Bridget. Walk doesnt deserve it. And me neither. In one sentence you accuse me of wanting to be chased by girls and in second you demand the same from boys for you? And when called on it, you start with 'guy being so interested experience'. Come on.

 

There is no problem when guy calls and want to see you. But you should give something back. He shows interest, you show interest. Making advices like dont call him, if he is really into you he will call you again and again. Let guys to chase you, its make them happy. B.S. It only makes some girls happy to be chased by numerous wimpy guys who are all over them and chase them not matter what cold responses they get.

[2ndIINone]

Dude has game. Period.

 

I guess my main question is: How do I continue to show interest without making it seem as though I'm chasing him. In other words I want to make sure I don't give up that controll.

Now I mean no disrespect when I say.... You never had the control... sorry to tell you. You SHOULDN'T want the control... cause that's just games. It should be equal. It's not. How do I know this??? Because you're on here writing about him and about gaining control and he's not. Most likely, he could care less. Obviously, because he can disappear for a month and not lose any sleep over it. The reason I originally said don't be so available is NOT to start playing games but to find out HOW interested he really is....

 

Daniel~ I read alot of your posts, both here and throughout and usually agree 100% with your posts, but I'm afraid I disagree about your theory on guys not waiting around and not chasing. C'mon, you know guys still do this.... I might go as far as to say, more guys chase, then women do. Now, the question is... Should they chase???? Hell No! I'm with you on that.... only the wimps will chase.... and only the women *cough Bridget cough* who like it... are never ever worth it and should get over themselves. No matter what sex, I still believe that if the opposite sex is being a challenge, it makes them more attractive for ALL the wrong reasons. Mixed signals are the worst... That's why I follow actions... I have met waaaaaaaay to many women in my life that say things just to make me feel good in the hopes of me returning the ego boost to them... but they never seem to back up their words. Biggest lesson I have EVER learned = Actions will always speak louder. In fact, I've learned to tune out any emotional talk from a woman... (It's easier to just nod my head and smile) because it's usually.... just talk. I want actions!

 

 

This particular guy in the thread.... I believe he is playing the field. Smart cookie too.... hes charming enough and confident enough to know that if he calls her for a date after a month of no communication... she'll accept.

[bridget_jones]

Umm...my last relationship the guy was crazy about me and showed it. What is wrong with that? He wasn't playing games, he liked me, he wanted to see me, so he called. I was interested back, we spent time together and it developed into a 2-year serious relationship. I don't get this, screw you for saying I'm not worth it. It's not "chasing," it's a man liking a woman and asking her out. If I am interested, I am affectionate and enthusiastic to see him and we have fun, and it possibly even goes further than a date or two.

I am not saying don't show interest back, I'm just not going to play the man's role of courting and pursuing a guy. There's no need for it for me. Honestly when a guy really is into a woman, he is a man, he picks up the phone and calls her a lot because hewants to hear her voice and wants to spend time with her. It's really simple. She is interested, so they do spend time together. it's not about withholding affection or playing games. I don't understand the problem here. How does this make him a wimp? You guys are associating the process of a man dating a woman and falling in love as wimpy behavior.

Screw you, 2ndIINone, I am a catch. I treat men I date and get into relationships with very well. Sorry but I'm not going to get involved with a guy who treats me like crap, like the "disappearing act" guy you mention. You know it's never going to develop into anything and it's never going to get very far, and he doesn't treat you like he even likes you that much, so why would such a man be intriguing to me? How does that make him a "smart cookie"? That doesn't make sense to me, how does he expect to cultivate a meanful connection with a woman when he treats her like crap? That's what it's about, establishing a meaningful connection and I don't think you and 2ndIINOne really understand what that is about. That's too bad. Keep playing your games with women. Have fun!

[bridget_jones]

 

And me neither. In one sentence you accuse me of wanting to be chased by girls and in second you demand the same from boys for you? And when called on it, you start with 'guy being so interested experience'.

 

 

Umm, it's not about "chasing." A guy asks a woman out when he's interested in her. He calls when he is really into her because it brings him pleasure to talk with her. I dont "demand" they do this, I've never had to tell a guy who is interested in me "hey, you'd better call me." They call me because they like me and enjoy talking to me and want to spend time with me. Period. No ego games involved. You don't make any sense.

[2ndIINone]

Screw you, 2ndIINone,

Nice talk!

 

You don't wanna go toe 2 toe with me dear. I read your posts... sometimes purposely just to see what's gonna come outta your mouth next. You put down everyone looking for advice, their actions and their words. You put down and disagree with EVERYONE elses advice, most likely looking for more drama, because apparently you don't have enough outside the internet. You always and forever compare your own history with someones thread. You always brag about this guy and that guy chasing you... and how women shouldn't settle for anything less.... and if they are settling, then you put them down. You loooove finding a way to toot your own horn in your posts either about your looks, body, personality and the guys you date. A catch??? Just from your posts (sad as it is)... I'd throw ya back in the lake....

 

and for what its worth... I'm against games 100%... if I sense them, or see red flags, I walk. And I preach that in every post.

[bridget_jones]

You insulted me first by saying that I wasn't worth any trouble by guys with the "cough" "cough" thing. I have never bragged about my looks, I posted about my 25 pound weight loss last fall and yes, I'm proud of that. I work out a lot to keep myself that way. Also, I said there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you like your looks. Everyone has such low self esteem these days, nothing wrong with being happy with onesself. That is not bragging. You really do have reading problems because I don't talk about all these numerous men chasing me. It's just that I know the guys who are really genuine are the ones who have consistent behavior and aren't playing those "chasing" games you talk about.

 

Do you have reading comprehension problems? YOU guys were using the words "chase" and "games." My specific point is that a successful relationships are NOT about games.

[2ndIINone]

Do you have reading comprehension problems? YOU guys were using the words "chase" and "games." My specific point is that a successful relationships are NOT about games.

 

Are ya serious?? The question is....Do you???

I've been preaching "Don't chase" and don't play games.

I also said, dont be so available...

translates to = Don't make someone a priorty if they only make you an option. This girl is an option.

 

25lbs huh? that's fabulous, that great... tootin' again, but it's ok.. happy for you. Although it doesn't change the fact that you still have a bitter attitude.

Have a nice day.

[bridget_jones]

No, YOU are the one who has reading comprehension problems. See...the post that I stated my 25 pound weight loss was "how much weight did you lose after the breakup?" I was referring to the posts where I stated anything about my looks. The other post was about "do hot women only get targeted for one-night stands, not relationships?" So the OP first of all was stating she was "hot" so isn't she tooting? am I not allowed to give my experience?

So you say the original poster is a "smart cookie." If you READ the original post, the poster states that she called him once a week after he pulled his disappearing act, and he didn't even bother to call her back. That is...RUDE. THEN he decides a month later to call her. See, I would be like "No, thank you." So...under your definition of a smart cookie, being RUDE to women is being smart. I wouldn't put up with that behavior from a guy. But the OP decided to give the guy a chance....then he pulls the disappearing act for a MONTH AGAIN....see a pattern here? What an a**. Just because I have standards and wouldn't put up with that behavior from a guy doesn't mean I'm bitter. It means I'm smart.

[2ndIINone]

So you say the original poster is a "smart cookie."

No, again..... for the umpteenth time.... I didn't say that either.

 

This is what I wrote... exactly what I wrote... it clearly explains that the 'guy' she is talking about is the 'smart cookie'

 

This particular guy in the thread.... I believe he is playing the field. Smart cookie too.... hes charming enough and confident enough to know that if he calls her for a date after a month of no communication... she'll accept.

Does it not? sheeesh....

 

If you READ the original post, the poster states that she called him once a week after he pulled his disappearing act, and he didn't even bother to call her back.

Uhhhh.... my response to her.... again... and I wrote it many times already.

 

Dont be so available. What do you NOT understand about that??? For the love of God???????????????

You're annoying me now... go find someone else to stir up some drama with. ).... I'm done with this thread.

[SouthernT]

LOL!!!!!!! why dont the two of you just hook up and get it over with.....LOL the both of you are too hallarious!!! :lmao:

 

And for the record: I am going to take the advice of not being TOO available to him. That will send the message loud and clear: Either step up to the plate or consider yourself dismissed.

 

Thanks everybody for the responses!! Greatly appreciated!

[Walk]

You're joking, right? A guy is only worth having if he chases after you? haha.. that's about egotistical if I ever heard it. You condem Daniel for wanting girls to chase after him, but you'll discard a man who doesn't run after you like you stole his car. hahahahaha hahahah

 

What do you mean, I'm condemning him?

That's awfully dramatic. I'm sorry you haven't had the experience of a guy actually being so interested in you he actually called and asked you out and wanted to see you. That's kinda sad.

 

I originally meant that post as a little light hearted ribbing. I'll take my share of the blame for not making that more clear. The way you stated the post I responded to made it sound like you only saw men as objects that were placed on earth to worship you. I didn't really think you meant it that way. But maybe you do, and that's why you got so defensive. Maybe you honestly feel men are placed on this earth to be your lap dogs. I don't agree with that philosophy. But you have every right to hold your own counsel on the subject.

 

I didn't say he had to run after me like I stole his car, but he does have to show interest and a guy who doesn't call, isn't showing any interest. It's not egotistical, if a guy likes you, he shows it by...ummm....calling and wanting to see you? How is this a difficult concept? The OP's guy didn't call her or even show the least bit of interest for, what, two months, she's supposed to keep calling and stuff? He's just not that into her.

This re-phrases the concept much better. And I won't poke fun at it. It's a valid and rational idea.

 

But I've read your posts, Walk, and I know that you're willing to put up with a lot of crap from men so I guess that's the difference. Get that book, He's Just Not That Into You. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

This one.. not so much. You judge me. Especially with the "its so sad" that I've never been chased.

 

I've had men hand me hundreds of thousands of dollars, show up in limosines, drop gf's, drop friends, forget family engagements, and brush off their friends... just to be with me. I don't want that crap. I don't want a man who will toss away everything that's important to him for something that catches his fancy. Because I know that transcends beyond me. If he'll drop friends, family, his entire life... for me... then what happens when somethign else catches his fancy? I don't want a person like that in my life. I want someone who can find balance. Someone who knows what's valuable and works to keep it. To say a guy should drop everything to be with ME, when he doesn't even KNOW me... Just No. I want a man with a head on his shoulders. I'm not the center of the universe. And any guy I'm with better know what's important in life and strive to keep it alive. If that BECOMES me in the future, all the better. But that doesn't happen over night.

 

Plus... it's no challenge to get a guy to chase after you. That's easy.

[DanielMadr]

Dude has game. Period.

 

Now I mean no disrespect when I say.... You never had the control... sorry to tell you. You SHOULDN'T want the control... cause that's just games. It should be equal. It's not. How do I know this??? Because you're on here writing about him and about gaining control and he's not. Most likely, he could care less. Obviously, because he can disappear for a month and not lose any sleep over it. The reason I originally said don't be so available is NOT to start playing games but to find out HOW interested he really is....

 

Daniel~ I read alot of your posts, both here and throughout and usually agree 100% with your posts, but I'm afraid I disagree about your theory on guys not waiting around and not chasing. C'mon, you know guys still do this.... I might go as far as to say, more guys chase, then women do. Now, the question is... Should they chase???? Hell No! I'm with you on that.... only the wimps will chase.... and only the women *cough Bridget cough* who like it... are never ever worth it and should get over themselves. No matter what sex, I still believe that if the opposite sex is being a challenge, it makes them more attractive for ALL the wrong reasons. Mixed signals are the worst... That's why I follow actions... I have met waaaaaaaay to many women in my life that say things just to make me feel good in the hopes of me returning the ego boost to them... but they never seem to back up their words. Biggest lesson I have EVER learned = Actions will always speak louder. In fact, I've learned to tune out any emotional talk from a woman... (It's easier to just nod my head and smile) because it's usually.... just talk. I want actions!

 

 

This particular guy in the thread.... I believe he is playing the field. Smart cookie too.... hes charming enough and confident enough to know that if he calls her for a date after a month of no communication... she'll accept.

 

I agree. I also agree that guys has to to the chase. But they should eject when the other part is not responding enough....yes in actions.

 

Bottom line....he is not interested in anything serious. If she still wants him, which might be a mistake, she should push harder. His joking about marriage etc. is probably some kind of canned lines.

[bridget_jones]

Money has nothing to do with it. Neither does "chasing." The last guy I was with for 2 years showed up on a date in an 83 Ford Escort, as he was divorced and that is what he could afford.

Well, he was smitten with me, and let me know that. We had a great time on the date. He called me the next day and saw each other again as he was going to be in town. It was all very genuine, no chasing "games" and such.

I don't get why you keep talking about games and chasing?

And you did start with laughing at me.

[bridget_jones]

No, again..... for the umpteenth time.... I didn't say that either.

 

This is what I wrote... exactly what I wrote... it clearly explains that the 'guy' she is talking about is the 'smart cookie'

 

Does it not? sheeesh....

 

Uhhhh.... my response to her.... again... and I wrote it many times already.

 

Dont be so available. What do you NOT understand about that??? For the love of God???????????????

You're annoying me now... go find someone else to stir up some drama with. ).... I'm done with this thread.

 

You're the one getting all worked up. Yeah, I mistyped, I meant to put that you had said the guy was the "smart cookie." I guess I didn't understand how you figured a guy who treated her like crap was a smart cookie.

[DanielMadr]

Honestly when a guy really is into a woman, he is a man, he picks up the phone and calls her a lot because hewants to hear her voice and wants to spend time with her.

 

And you dont want to hear his voice?

[bridget_jones]

I'll call. But generally, yeah, the guy does that. Then you know he really likes you.