Ormolu611 Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Sorry this is so long! Okay, my gf broke up with me on February 23rd and I have not spoken to her since February 28th. This is the second time that she has broken up with me as the first time was back in September of last year (2006). Back then, I convinced her to stay. Nevertheless, she has been conflicted about the relationship for some time before either break up because it was of her mind that I did not provide enough emotional support for her and that I made too many decisions for the both of us. In short, she resented me and I feel that I have had to convince her to stay in the relationship for quite some time. I was just convinced that she was just confused. She would take every disagreement as a sign that our relationship was doomed. (why we never married in 9 years) It always frustrated me to no end because she wanted or needed me to be a cheerleader for her in a way that I think was beyond what I could have provided. I would have gladly done this for her as I love her, but I do not think that I am a cheerleader by nature, or at least the kind that she needed. I think that this might be because she did not feel (to this day) that she got enough support from her family ever. She has a screwed up relationship with her Dad because he is so detached from her and so stand-offish. Despite this, she desperately seeks and wants his approval even though she tells me privately that she hates him. Example: she wanted to visit her sick grandmother whose health is failing (her Dad’s own mom) and asked her Dad for help with the plane ticket – he replied, “I don’t think so.” as he chuckled, despite the fact that he has tons of money. (My ex-gf is struggling in college getting a second bachelor’s degree.) Around him she is so pleasant which is in total contradiction to what she always tells me her attitude is towards him. Her family is totally dysfunctional as her mother had an affair which led to a terrible divorce when my gf was 13 years old. Her mother now lives alone and is suffering from chronic depression after the guy that she had an affair with decided not to leave his wife. To this day her mother is very lonely and puts pressure on my ex as if it is my ex-gf’s responsibility to make her happy and keep her company. It became apparent to me that her mother was trying to convince her to date other people and to leave me behind – imagine relationship advice from this bitter, cynical woman! We had been together for 9 years as we met in our early 20’s. Throughout that time, it was apparent that she is a very emotional person and very conflicted internally. We had been to couples counseling before, and the counselor eventually ended up suggesting to my ex that she meet with another counselor alone as he felt that she had issues of her own that needed to be worked out that had nothing to do with us or the relationship per se. My ex hated to hear that! Until recently, any suggestion on my part that she had unresolved emotional issues would be met with resistance and anger on her part. When she broke up with me in September, it was sudden and done over the phone despite the fact that she lives only three miles away. Pissed me off! We had gotten into an argument and it was the last straw apparently – though I could tell something was up as she was acting detached the couple of days leading up to that. She started no contact right after that phone conversation – after almost a decade together! As I mentioned, we eventually got back together, but nothing changed. The breakup on February 23rd was the same way. One day she was acting normally. She called me late Thursday to tell me about a childhood friend’s sister who was dying of cancer (of similar age) and would probably not survive the next two days. She seemed okay with it as she was not overly close to this person. We talked about it a bit then ended the conversation normally. The next morning, I called her to set up a dinner date that night – she was acting weird and detached. Sure enough, over dinner at the restaurant that I took her to, she broke up with me and said things like I need to find someone else, and that she feels smothered, and when she calls asking me over to her place it is often because she feels guilty/obligated to do so – ouch! I have not spoken to her since Feb. 28th. Finally, this brings me to the current issue. She cut it off as suddenly as she has done in the past, that she has not made arrangements to get her stuff from me. I know that some of this stuff is very important to her and she will not forget it or leave it. Some of it is furniture that her Dad gave her. I know that she will want these pieces as her Dad will be here in early May and she will definitely need to have it in her apartment before he gets here (trust me on this). My question is what the hell? Would it not have been easier to take care of that stuff at the outset? Wouldn’t it be extra weird for her to have to contact me to get her stuff after a month or two of no contact? Any thought as to what might be going through her head? When she does get in contact with me, how should I behave? She has stuff of mine that I definitely want back, but I have been waiting for her to initiate something. A week and a half ago, I did send her a text msg, “hope everything is cool on your side of the world.” She responded about 5 hours later with, “I hope for sunshine for you.” I responded 2 days later, “Thanks it has actually been pretty sunny lately.” There has been no contact otherwise in just over a month. I meant it when I said that things have been pretty sunny lately, relatively speaking – I have been dating and hanging out with friends, and just having as good of a time that I can have considering the circumstances. Thanks for listening. Any insight would be appreciated!
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 If she needs her furniture back that badly, she'll contact you. Maybe she'll just tell her dad that it's still over at your place, no biggie. That's her problem. Or are you looking for an excuse to contact her? When you really need your stuff back, write a friendly email/text and get it back.
Author Ormolu611 Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 If she needs her furniture back that badly, she'll contact you. Maybe she'll just tell her dad that it's still over at your place, no biggie. That's her problem. Or are you looking for an excuse to contact her? When you really need your stuff back, write a friendly email/text and get it back. Well, I am definitely not looking for an excuse to contact her. I am intent on not contacting her at this point and maintaining no contact. Regarding her stuff, there is no way that she is going to tell her Dad that the furniture is just at my place - she will need to have it there when he arrives. Sounds strange maybe, but that is how she is. She even said something to this effect prior to breaking up that she will have to get the furniture prior to her Dad arriving. He technically gave it to her, and like I said earlier, she is totally wimpy around him. I guess I just woke up this morning depressed about the whole thing - as I have been all day. Each day is different and sometimes I am just angry and contemptuous. Sometimes though, I drive myself crazy wondering what she is thinking and if she is having a hard time at all. Is it easy for her to do this after so much time together? Today I have been hung up over what her plans are for this stuff she has over here . . . is she just going to call me up out of the blue one day this month and say she needs to come get her stuff now? Seems as if that would be crazy awkward. I know she is afraid of awkward so why did she leave the stuff in the first place?
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