outofdarkness Posted April 6, 2007 Posted April 6, 2007 Hal, if your OW was so important to you, it wouldn't have mattered whether your W would have got down on bending knee to keep you from leaving! You still would have slammed the door in her face and cheated with your xOw like you did. So, no matter if your W had gone to counseling or did everything right, she still would not have been good enough because like you said the OW was the one for you, right? My request to go to counseling was many years prior to meeting my OW. I had long given up trying to improve things in my marriage (not proud of that fact, just being honest). oh...well that's different I guess. A least you made the effort and tried to get her to go to MC w/ you before mtg OW. So why did you not just D her before going in to an A...It would have been hard for the kids, but much kinder in then end to all involved..IMO...
scaredinlove Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 BH, you've read this thread, what are your thoughts on OD's situation with YSM? I agree, crap or get off the pot. I don't understand, even for the kids sake, him hanging on to two women, especially when they both know about eachother. It is cruel and selfish to do because it's obvious only HIS needs count and are the most important. He is just hurting everybody and he will end uo damaging his relatioship with all of them.
vanilla chai Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Not by 2 different women. ONLY ONE HAS MY HEART. Only one matters Give me a break. You have a wife at home that is bascially being put through the ringer while your off being with the "love of your life". This selfish crap makes me sick. Heres and idea, finish your first relationship before getting involved in another one.
vanilla chai Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 I am with my GF just about everyday. My wife made this decision also to stay for what is best at the moment. As far as am I happy. I am happy being the father to my children. It kills me not being with HER my GF every moment. If I could pick up and take my kids I would in a sec. If my kids werent here. I would have left along time ago. You dont know me. My life. You make judgements based other what others have done. Oh cut the crap man. If your gonna leave your wife just do it and let her find a decent man that will treat her right.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 One thing I found with my ex is that some men rarely fully appreciate what they have until they've lost it.
VinaAmez Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Give me a break. You have a wife at home that is bascially being put through the ringer while your off being with the "love of your life". This selfish crap makes me sick. Heres and idea, finish your first relationship before getting involved in another one. Oh cut the crap man. If your gonna leave your wife just do it and let her find a decent man that will treat her right. Couldn't have said it better myself Vanilla.
smartgirl Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Staying for the kids? OD - you don't really strike me as the selfless type. I think if you are still home it is because somewhere deep inside, you are afraid to leave. The amount of time you are married and your age puts you in one of the classic affair zones. I can tell from your postings that you are firmly in the infatuation phase. You've let yourself "fall out of love" with your wife and you will let the same happen with your GF. Especially after your kids look at you like you are the scum of the earth. What a great example you are setting for them by the way - loyalty, honesty, honoring promises, commitment, truthfulness. What a great role model! You can kid yourself if you want, but they will look right through you like you are made of glass.
sadbuttrue Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 smartgirl, i do not agree. if OD is not happy at home, then dont you think the kids see that as well. kids need to see happy healthy relationships where there is love. not everyone can stay married just because there are kids involved, but i do believe that some couples try to do this. i would rather have happy parents who are with people that they love than with both parents who barely speak to each other and show no affection. that is not a good example to the children in my opinion. i would not want my daughter to stay in an abusive relationship because she was taught to stick it out no matter what.
Sheba Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 Sheba, no disrespect meant, but I actually would have more of a problem with someone who would just throw their marriage away in a matter of weeks after meeting someone...you don't even know the person in that amount of time... GELady, no offense taken. We had known each other for a few years, actually, as co-workers and then friends. When the nature of our relationship changed it was sudden and BIG and we have now been together for 10 years. Aside from that, each of us were ready or on the verge of ready to leave our respective marriages, both of us having tried for literally years to save them. He had been in marriage counselling (which ended with his then-wife telling him he was not rich enough for her) and my then-husband had refused to attend counselling with me.
HappyAtLast Posted April 7, 2007 Posted April 7, 2007 oh...well that's different I guess. A least you made the effort and tried to get her to go to MC w/ you before mtg OW. So why did you not just D her before going in to an A...It would have been hard for the kids, but much kinder in then end to all involved..IMO... Good question. Like mostly everyone else, I thought my situation was different. I did not D my wife while my son was growing up because I worked very erratic hours. I was a surgeon (it kills me to type WAS, but these old hands are no longer as steady as they need to be). I would have had to give my XW full custody, or he would have had to spend lots of time with a care-giver. Either situation was not acceptable to me. I stayed and tried to make it work for some years. Then, I gave up. I took a job at a hospital four days a week in another state. This helped to make my marriage bearable. At this point my son was old enough that the "light at the end of the tunnel" was in sight. I could fulfill my obligation to my son, providing him with an intact home. As for my OW... what would you have done? You are in a long dead marriage. You meet someone, fall in love with her. You only have two months to go prior to your son leaving home. Would you really throw away that chance? I did not. Now, forty years later, I really cannot second guess that.
smartgirl Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Sadbuttrue, I can't know what it is like in their home. Is it so awful that the kids would be better off with them divorced? If so, then they should divorce. But if not, maybe that relationship isn't really dead, but the MM is just temporarily checked out. Hard to know. I will tell you that I idolized my father. I wanted to be like him and always tried to be. One of the things he used to say all the time when I was growing up was "I hate a liar worse than anything." Then he died unexpectedly and we found out about his long-running affair. My mother was devasted. I will never feel good about him again. Now I see a weak, selfish, deceitful hypocrite. If this marriage is really over, then go see a counselor to help craft a divorce that allows both parents to play an important role in the children's lives. It will be better than them finding out later that they were all living a lie. Especially if they are told the lie was for their benefit. They will only feel guilty on top of feeling betrayed. If MM suspects even a little that the marriage is not over, he needs to take a break from the GF and give it a try. But this dual life is a lie and helps no one.
NoIDidn't Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 But this dual life is a lie and helps no one. That's the thing that kills me. Most of these same MM will tell tales about how they were betrayed or abandoned by someone important in their lives and how they would never do that to their children, and yet, that is exactly what they do. And then when the kids HATE them once its all out in the open, they claim that the W brainwashed the kids or that stupid PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome bullsh*it). Truth is the kids realize that they were deceived by someone that they thought they knew and could trust. We all teach our kids not to hurt others for our own gain. But cheaters wonder why the kids want to apply the same logic to them when they (the cheaters) are the ones that taught it to them.
Ruby Tuesday Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 I dont even understand why everyone is entertaining a delusional WS. You might as well be talking to a wall.
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