HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Disrespect the OW? OH no, not like you hadn't been disrespecting your wife the whole time you were with her. Not like OW wasn't disrespectful with her body, also, giving it away to another woman's man. Not that simple when kids are involved. Do you have kids? Bridget, my kids are probably older than you are, LOL. All married men need to understand and acknowledge one thing: there is only ONE woman that is going to be happy in these types of scenarios, either the W or the OW, but rarely both. That being the case, for me, my OW was my future, no doubt. If I had to please one woman, it was going to be her, the MM needs to make a choice. Simple as that. edited to add - when I fell in love with my OW I was no longer "another woman's man", I was hers exclusively
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 the MM needs to make a choice Yes, I agree. MM needs to make the choice and DO instead of just SAY. edited to add - when I fell in love with my OW I was no longer "another woman's man", I was hers exclusively Maybe in your eyes she wasn't the OW, but in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of your wife at the time, she was the OW until you got the D.
HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 In the eyes of the law, yes, I suppose she was the OW. But to the important eyes, mine, she was the only woman. Still is and always will be.
outofdarkness Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 In the eyes of the law, yes, I suppose she was the OW. But to the important eyes, mine, she was the only woman. Still is and always will be. no...the import. eyes r your family's IMO...you sound sort of like you are love sick...
HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Outofdarkness... My OW IS my family, she has been my wife for many, many years. Lovesick? LOL. Guilty, as charged. When I met her my life changed. I had someone who loved me for me, someone that I could love unconditionally, someone who has never, in all these years, even one time let me down. I finally did something that made me happy, after years of living for other people. Lovesick is kind of a nice way to go through life, I think.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 HAL, if you don't mind me asking, how long did your affair last before you left your wife?
herenow Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 About two months, I believe.... Good for you HAL. Now at least your wife has a chance to be happy at last also. I hope she realizes how lucky she is to be rid of you and finds a wonderful man that will truly love her. You did her a favor and I hope that if she hasn't already thanked you, she will in the near future.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 That makes sense based on how happy you are. You transitioned very quickly. The most damaging affairs appear to be the long-term ones.
HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Herenow..... thank you for your kind words and well wishes to my XW. She did marry, several years after we split and seems to be happy. Yes, she probably is better off rid of me. I spent many years trying to convince her to go to counseling and change things in our marriage. Obviously, I was not worth that to her so I am sure that she is much happier with her current husband.
HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Trial - Yes, I could never have put my OW through being an OW for any length of time. It seemed to me that could only have led to problems. I did not want either of the women in my life hurt, but thought it kinder to make a decision and act upon it quickly rather than dragging everything out longer and making an already bad situation worse.
herenow Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Herenow..... thank you for your kind words and well wishes to my XW. She did marry, several years after we split and seems to be happy. Yes, she probably is better off rid of me. I spent many years trying to convince her to go to counseling and change things in our marriage. Obviously, I was not worth that to her so I am sure that she is much happier with her current husband. Finally the part where you blame your wife for the failure of your marriage. I was waiting for it to come and you didn't disappoint. Thank you for being a true cheating MM. You want words of praise, then you should have left your wife before starting an affair with an OW. That is what real, honest men do. Just because you only deceived her for 2 months doesn't make you any less of a philanderer. Just like you can't be a little pregnant, you can't be an honest cheater!
HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Firstly, I am certainly not looking for praise. Secondly, I in no way blame my falling in love with my OW on my W. I do blame her for 50% of the problems in our marriage, absolutely. The decision to allow an OW into my life, however, was mine. I accept 100% of the blame. Seriously, as you know, all situations do not end up like mine. I asked in another post what your situation was? It seems like you have an issue with me, which I don't know why. Has your husband left you, or cheated? Why are you so threated by one EMR in a million that ended happily?
herenow Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Firstly, I am certainly not looking for praise. Secondly, I in no way blame my falling in love with my OW on my W. I do blame her for 50% of the problems in our marriage, absolutely. The decision to allow an OW into my life, however, was mine. I accept 100% of the blame. Seriously, as you know, all situations do not end up like mine. I asked in another post what your situation was? It seems like you have an issue with me, which I don't know why. Has your husband left you, or cheated? Why are you so threated by one EMR in a million that ended happily? I'm not threatened, I'm just having a conversation. I find it very interesting that your words are no different that those of others who have cheated. It doesn't matter that you moved on and are happy, you still say the same things. I find that interesting, so I'm voicing my opinion. Are you threatened by me? Why is it so important to you that I know you and your wife are happy?
HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Actually, herenow, what you think really is not important to me at all. It just seemed to me that you reacted rather strongly and I really didn't understand why. Knowing that you are a betrayed wife makes it more understandable. Good luck to you and your husband, I am glad that you are working things out. I will not post to you again, as clearly I am upsetting you. edited to add - in another post you suggested I needed therapy. For whatever it is worth, I believe what is upsetting you so much about my posts is that I have never had any desire to cheat on my OW, yet did, long ago, cheat on my first wife. I think everyone always wants to believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. Again, maybe something for you to think about.
herenow Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Actually, herenow, what you think really is not important to me at all. It just seemed to me that you reacted rather strongly and I really didn't understand why. Knowing that you are a betrayed wife makes it more understandable. Good luck to you and your husband, I am glad that you are working things out. I will not post to you again, as clearly I am upsetting you. edited to add - in another post you suggested I needed therapy. For whatever it is worth, I believe what is upsetting you so much about my posts is that I have never had any desire to cheat on my OW, yet did, long ago, cheat on my first wife. I think everyone always wants to believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. Again, maybe something for you to think about. I did not suggest that you need therapy. You said to keep my opinions out of my posts and I said if you want an unbiased opinion, you need to go to a place where you can get one like a therapist. Go back and read it again. I think you are reading what you want to believe I'm saying and it's upsetting you. It's funny how something can be read with an emotion that's not there. I'm not angry at all, I'm just, like I said having a conversation. You are not upsetting me n the least, it's quite the opposite I think. As far as once a cheater always a cheater, yes of course that is a concern for me, but that is my choice. I have decided that I'm willing to take that chance. I have seen a true change in both of us for the better and if I'm wrong, I only have myself to blame.
Babybird Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Finally the part where you blame your wife for the failure of your marriage. I was waiting for it to come and you didn't disappoint. Thank you for being a true cheating MM. You want words of praise, then you should have left your wife before starting an affair with an OW. That is what real, honest men do. Just because you only deceived her for 2 months doesn't make you any less of a philanderer. Just like you can't be a little pregnant, you can't be an honest cheater! That was low. A lot of people aren't willing to go to MC. Neither one of my exH would. That doesn't place the blame on one person, just makes it a little easier to understand why the M didn't work. He wanted to work on it, sort out their problems, and as we have all recommended MC if they don't go it can be even harder to make it work. SO was that placing blame or stating a fact from his marriage that failed? And you know what: AT LEAST HE LEFT. He didn't keep OW hanging on forever and he didn't deceive his W for years. Thats more than most OW here can say. I give him props for leaving and hope that I my R will end up his. Happily ever after.
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I really think that what HR is saying is, (ofcourse in a perfect world...) that if those who are unhappy in the marriage, would leave the marriage first and then pursue the person they're interested in, instead of having an affair while the marriage is on it's last legs....
herenow Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I really think that what HR is saying is, (ofcourse in a perfect world...) that if those who are unhappy in the marriage, would leave the marriage first and then pursue the person they're interested in, instead of having an affair while the marriage is on it's last legs.... Right WWIU, that is what an honest man does.
Babybird Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 I really think that what HR is saying is, (of course in a perfect world...) that if those who are unhappy in the marriage, would leave the marriage first and then pursue the person they're interested in, instead of having an affair while the marriage is on it's last legs.... I understand and agree. Thats what should happen. All I'm saying is that he left and a lot sooner than most cheating husbands. It's kind of refreshing to have someone say they didn't stay for the kids, or finances, or until the right time(whatever that means). He left because he didn't want to hurt anyone, his W or the OW.
outofdarkness Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Outofdarkness... My OW IS my family, she has been my wife for many, many years. Lovesick? LOL. Guilty, as charged. When I met her my life changed. I had someone who loved me for me, someone that I could love unconditionally, someone who has never, in all these years, even one time let me down. I finally did something that made me happy, after years of living for other people. Lovesick is kind of a nice way to go through life, I think. lol...i havn't used the words "love sick" for years..it's sort of fun to say it!!
Chapter2 Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 You know what? You are living authentically. If you had chosen to stay with your wife and work on the marriage then leaving the OW would have been you living authentically. But you didn't. You made a decision and had the courage to live in it. I respect that HAL. I don't condone affairs and certainly regret the one I was involved in. But you stood by your word. You obviously meant what you said to your xOW (now wife:) ) and are choosing to now live honestly. Yes, it was wrong to have an affair IMO, but you did and you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. What's done is done You had the courage to do what so many get continually enraged by which is living in indecision and hanging on to both women...you put your money where your mouth is and did not allow yourself to be a cake eater. Outofdarkness... My OW IS my family, she has been my wife for many, many years. Lovesick? LOL. Guilty, as charged. When I met her my life changed. I had someone who loved me for me, someone that I could love unconditionally, someone who has never, in all these years, even one time let me down. I finally did something that made me happy, after years of living for other people. + Lovesick is kind of a nice way to go through life, I think.
Guest Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 i don't think it's wrong for a spouse to want to work on their marriage, whether it's wife or husband. ur supposed to be willing to work on the marriage though THICK and THIN....then...and only then....if it's really not fixable....then the decision is up to them. people cheat. not all, but a lot, but if they want to stay in the marriage then let them...i'm sure they're not perfect either.
Guest Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 I find your choice of username a bit curious. From what you've been telling us, you have been married to OW for decades. Why then the "happy AT LAST"? It implies the happiness is a new condition. It is also strange to me that you apparently continue to think of her as xOW. I would think that would all be water long under the bridge. Has the thought of the then-affair been weighing on you all these years? Or did you just want to see how the kids today do it? [tongue in cheek]
Glass Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 Hal, if your OW was so important to you, it wouldn't have mattered whether your W would have got down on bending knee to keep you from leaving! You still would have slammed the door in her face and cheated with your xOw like you did. So, no matter if your W had gone to counseling or did everything right, she still would not have been good enough because like you said the OW was the one for you, right? OD- I still don't believe a word you have said. You could have told me the night is dark and I still won't believe it until I hear it from your W. So, if she knows so much, why not bring her on here and let us hear all the sides of the story! If you want to really get her to leave you, I'm sure we can provide the encouragement.
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