Izzar Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 And what would be needed to be done? See. Vague answers. That's all he gives. WTH:mad:
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 See. Vague answers. That's all he gives. WTH:mad: I have thoughts about this but I'm waiting to find out his responses. I think it only fair to hear him out. As he's expressed, he's willing to answer the questions so I can only go by his stated text.
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I give the answers to those who really need them. I have to run. I am sure she will know everything soon before I can. See. Vague answers. That's all he gives. WTH:mad:
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I give the answers to those who really need them. I have to run. I am sure she will know everything soon before I can. If so, there isn't one person on LS who really needs to know. Are you suggesting that the whole point of your thread was to toy with people?
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 What are you trying to get at? If i say I will leave then it will be twisted I am using the kids as an excuse. If I say I will tell her to stay for what is best for the kids. It will be twisted to say I want to work things out and string my GF along. I GAVE HER THAT OPTION. When we discussed what would be best for the children this was the decision. To put what we want on hold for the moment. I want to leave and I'm sure she wants me to leave since I do have feelings for someone else. But we arent thinking about that. We are thinking about the children. This isnt something that is going to linger on for years upon years. It short term so for that we do what needs to be done for the time being.
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 No but as you can read from my followup post. I have been trying to give answers but yet I feel like they are going to be twisted. I am trying to be a great father. No I might have gone things about the wrong way. I cant change that. I am trying to do what is best for them . If so, there isn't one person on LS who really needs to know. Are you suggesting that the whole point of your thread was to toy with people?
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 What are you trying to get at? If i say I will leave then it will be twisted I am using the kids as an excuse. If I say I will tell her to stay for what is best for the kids. It will be twisted to say I want to work things out and string my GF along. I GAVE HER THAT OPTION. When we discussed what would be best for the children this was the decision. To put what we want on hold for the moment. I want to leave and I'm sure she wants me to leave since I do have feelings for someone else. But we arent thinking about that. We are thinking about the children. This isnt something that is going to linger on for years upon years. It short term so for that we do what needs to be done for the time being. If she wants a divorce right now, would you financially ensure that she is able to raise all the children or would you threaten to take one of the children?
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Why did you cheat on your wife? Why not stay if you were staying "until the kids are at a different age" or whatever...THEN end the marriage and start a R after that?
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 Really what are you getting at If she wants a divorce right now, would you financially ensure that she is able to raise all the children or would you threaten to take one of the children?
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Really what are you getting at How much real choice does your wife and your OW have? You get to keep both. What are their options besides losing someone they love by walking away?
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I'll also add the following. I hope your wife is allowed to have an affair on the side too and is willing to stay for the love of the children and not because she believes that the marriage can be saved or that there is any emotional or financial blackmail involved. I also hope she's aware of your continued relationship with your OW. As for the OW, I also hope she is aware that you plan to stay the course for your children and that it will be a very long haul affair for her and truthfully, no guarantees at the end of it. It's unfair to keep both women on a string if you are the puppeteer. If you truly are a good guy, you would set one or both free. Don't use your need for your children as an excuse because if you did care for them, you would never have had an affair or at least have ended your marriage first before indulging.
outofdarkness Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Hmmmm...Interesting indeed! My H, who cheated on me for a loooong time, is contemplating posting on here. He begged me to stay w/ him...Different situation, but I have to say you have guts to come here and post your point of view and state your love for your OW...soon to be W?? I know situations like this DO happen, I mean the MM leaving the W to be w/ the OW, but we don't hear about it alot...What did cause you to cheat in the first place? IMO, you took away your W's right to choose what SHE wanted out of life when you lied and started the A...No matter how you word it, your actions speak louder then your words...If you were unhappy in the M, why did you not just ask her for a D? Were the problems there before you kids were born? If so, you certainly can't use them as the excuse for staying.. Thanks for posting...IMO, everyone is welcome to post their concerns, thoughts, situations, etc..Who knows, mabey you will actually help someone on here...Just b/c I don't agree w/ the way you have gone about ending your M, doesn't mean that I'm not interested in what you have to say..
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I disagree, he really wasn't that helpful and didn't give any insight at all, except that he's an a**hole. Keep posting and give him what he wants, attention. Jerk.
herenow Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I'm trying to come up with a good reason for this post. Obviously opening day feels that he can help someone. Everyone that has read the stories on this forum knows, that in most cases, the MM rarely leaves the marriage when he says he is staying for the kids. We also know that about 50% of marriages end in divorce which means that many people with kids do get divorced and it's not at all uncommon. So, opening day wants to prove that there are MM who stay for the kids. OK, no problem OD, we also all know that for every rule there is an exception. If this post is to encourage OW to stay and wait for their MM to leave, I think you are doing a disservice. You are the exception and your wife (as foolish as it sounds) is willing to go along with it. I doubt that there are many situations like this out there. I would hate to see any woman OW or BW wait for a man because of an exception like you. Is the point of your post to give hope to the OW who are waiting for the MM to leave? If not, what is your point?
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 BJ, harsh advice is fine, but don't go attacking. If you don't like what he is saying specify WHAT it IS that you don't like - Just calling him a jerk and an a-hole really isn't cool.
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 His point is to get attention and be a smug MM. It surprises me how fascinated everyone is with him.
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 BJ, harsh advice is fine, but don't go attacking. If you don't like what he is saying specify WHAT it IS that you don't like - Just calling him a jerk and an a-hole really isn't cool. whew hoo. Board police. I better watch out.
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I'm trying to come up with a good reason for this post. Obviously opening day feels that he can help someone. Everyone that has read the stories on this forum knows, that in most cases, the MM rarely leaves the marriage when he says he is staying for the kids. We also know that about 50% of marriages end in divorce which means that many people with kids do get divorced and it's not at all uncommon. So, opening day wants to prove that there are MM who stay for the kids. OK, no problem OD, we also all know that for every rule there is an exception. If this post is to encourage OW to stay and wait for their MM to leave, I think you are doing a disservice. You are the exception and your wife (as foolish as it sounds) is willing to go along with it. I doubt that there are many situations like this out there. I would hate to see any woman OW or BW wait for a man because of an exception like you. Is the point of your post to give hope to the OW who are waiting for the MM to leave? If not, what is your point? This is a great post. I just wish both OW and his wife would MAKE the choice, instead of letting him be the one to make it. I feel for both women, yet most of all now I feel for the kids. It's sad.
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 whew hoo. Board police. I better watch out. If you say so. You know how easy it is for heated words to turn into flaming wars, so calling a new poster (whether or not you agree or disagree with him) a jerk and an a-hole isn't cool. But, if you want to continue, please, go ahead.
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 His point is to get attention and be a smug MM. It surprises me how fascinated everyone is with him. Probably because not too many MM actually post on LS. And I wouldn't assume that all are fascinated by him. Maybe some are, but I for one, am not.
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Hey, Other Ride, or whatever the freak your username is, I hope your wife is getting her ducks in a row and getting a good lawyer, and I hope she takes you for everything you've got in the divorce so there's nothing left for you and your girlfriend when it's over.
VinaAmez Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Then I don't understand how your wife thinks. If I were in her shoes I wouldn't want to stay married to someone who didn't love me, let alone know they're only staying for the kids sake. It's living a lie, acting into the lie by pretending all is OK when the kids are around. Either way it sucks, it's a painful situation and the sooner you move out, make the transition for your kids as easy as possible, the better. The situation you're in as of now IS stressful. Agreed. I can't even envision staying with someone who I was married to and at the same time had a GF that I knew about. Seriously OP, no matter how you go about doing this, it WILL have some affect on the children. The degree of it is unknown. I've never seen a situation where the parents did what's in the best interest and the children were 100% unaffected. If I'm wrong someone please correct me.
Salicious Crumb Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I wanted to check this site out. My GF has been on here on and off. Yes. I am married and have a GF. She is the love of my life. The reason I am married is basically what most of you would call an excuse. I am home for my kids. For the time being. I do plan on leaving shortly. My wife did find out about the affair. I do admit I was a coward I wish I had the backbone to walk out the door. But we made a decision that staying was in the best interest of one of my children. My wife asked me to break contact with my GF. But I couldnt. I love her more than anyother person i have ever met in my life. Of course you think you love her. It is the probably the first new relationship you have had in a while. All cheaters confuse the excitement of an affair with love. And is the marriage really over? Or are you just wanting the excitement of a new fling?
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Hey Opening Day...you said you loved your OW more than any person you had ever met in your life. So you love her more than your kids then. Why don't you just move out then since you love her more than your kids? Also, what's your wife think about you going to the game on June 4th with your girlfriend? Aren't your kids going to be asking "Where'd Dad go?" Wouldn't your kids like to go to the game with you? Why don't you cancel going to the game with your girlfriend and take your kids instead. I think that would be the right thing to do.
Chapter2 Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 We're taking it for granted that Opening Day is truly who he says he is. Call me skeptical, but there is no way to be absolutely certain of anyone's validity on the internet. I do hope both women, the OW and the BS, pursue what is in their best interest. It seems they're both delaying living their lives for some "right time"... The touble with waiting for the "right time" in my opinion is that life is so fluid. What seems like a clear road today can become an out of service road tomorrow. No one knows what the future holds. Maybe today it looks like just the one child needs their marriage to be maintained (his words, not mine) but what if something (God forbid) catastrophic were to happen in two months and the one child needed something else or if even the other child needed something... What if a dear friend came up to you, OW of Opening Day, and said the following: "Guess what (insert name here)!?!?! I have the perfect man for you! He's wonderful, you will love him! But, he's married and he's dishonest and you'll only have to be hidden for two years at most...do you want me to fix you up with him?" Would you not look at your friend like she had lost her mind? Hopefully you would know that you are far too awesome to be a secret. Opening Day, I hope you do not find yourself in a situation where you have to realize you've taken everyone in your life for granted. Living authentically and honestly is freedom and you are not doing anyone any favors by delaying your chosen course of action whether it be to stay married or divorce. Since you posted, I'm assuming you want an opinion and mine is that you should make a decision and live in that decision instead of putting everyone on hold. I would say the same to your wife and OW.
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