Izzar Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I am not vague. If you feel I am i am sorry. Trying to answer as best as I can. Ok. I'm done here. I hope in 2 years, I'm around to see what happens. Have a great day.
Chapter2 Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 This seems a bit like the two of you are using this forum as foreplay...just my opinion though...difficult to take it very seriously.
Izzar Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 This seems a bit like the two of you are using this forum as foreplay...just my opinion though...difficult to take it very seriously. Oh stop it!! He's not my type. And he's taken by 2 defferent women:p
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I am very serious here. Was coming on actually to give my point of view. My GF does comes on here. And since I have seen how upset she gets by some views I thought coming on here might help.
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 Not by 2 different women. ONLY ONE HAS MY HEART. Only one matters Oh stop it!! He's not my type. And he's taken by 2 defferent women:p
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I hate to sound harsh...But I gotta say this. Don't you know how selfish it is to have one woman waiting in the wings, and then still stay married to your wife? You're hurting two women by not 'doing' anything to either fix your marriage or end it now. I feel bad for your wife, and I feel bad for your OW too. Yet, things are OK for you because you're getting what you want. A home, your lifestyle, your family and children around you. And then you see and talk to your OW daily. It's a double life, and that's unfair to everyone involved. The longer you wait on doing something to change things, the deeper your OW gets attached, as does your wife. You staying at home still gives your wife hope that things CAN be worked out. Does she know that you're still 'dating' the OW and she's very much a part of your life? Anyway, you're gonna do what you're gonna do, noone here can change your mind - Just be aware that many people are going to be affected by your choices, or shall I say, non-choices and non-action.
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I am with my GF just about everyday. My wife made this decision also to stay for what is best at the moment. As far as am I happy. I am happy being the father to my children. It kills me not being with HER my GF every moment. If I could pick up and take my kids I would in a sec. If my kids werent here. I would have left along time ago. You dont know me. My life. You make judgements based other what others have done.
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 You're right, I don't know you nor your life. I am just going on from what you've said, that's all - Not from what I've read about other people's situations.
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I dont want to lead anyone on. I want what i best for my children- trying to be a great father. I want to be with the woman i love. And I will in time. sooner than later. I want my wife to have a life. Again this was a joint decision about the children. I am not leading my wife on by believing their is a chance. She knows where my heart is. No question in that. You're right, I don't know you nor your life. I am just going on from what you've said, that's all - Not from what I've read about other people's situations.
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Then I don't understand how your wife thinks. If I were in her shoes I wouldn't want to stay married to someone who didn't love me, let alone know they're only staying for the kids sake. It's living a lie, acting into the lie by pretending all is OK when the kids are around. Either way it sucks, it's a painful situation and the sooner you move out, make the transition for your kids as easy as possible, the better. The situation you're in as of now IS stressful. Good luck either way and I hope everything goes smoothly in the future.
Izzar Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I don't understand it either. How do the kids not know something is wrong? He sleeps on the recliner every nite & kids don't think that is strange. And if/when he decides to leave, oh by the way kids, I'm leaving mommy. And the kids will be ok with being lied to all these years. I don't know. Maybe I'm the strange one:rolleyes:
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 No it isnt easy by any means. But this is the decision at the moment. I pray everyday for it to get closer to the day that things will be easier. For right now. This is the way it is. One day my kids will see what happiness is suppose to be. Then I don't understand how your wife thinks. If I were in her shoes I wouldn't want to stay married to someone who didn't love me, let alone know they're only staying for the kids sake. It's living a lie, acting into the lie by pretending all is OK when the kids are around. Either way it sucks, it's a painful situation and the sooner you move out, make the transition for your kids as easy as possible, the better. The situation you're in as of now IS stressful. Good luck either way and I hope everything goes smoothly in the future.
EC Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 No it isnt easy by any means. But this is the decision at the moment. I pray everyday for it to get closer to the day that things will be easier. For right now. This is the way it is. One day my kids will see what happiness is suppose to be. How would you feel if one day lets say your kids happen to read this and your postings? anyways..you wouldn't be in this situation had you been loyal now would you?
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 No it isnt easy by any means. But this is the decision at the moment. I pray everyday for it to get closer to the day that things will be easier. For right now. This is the way it is. One day my kids will see what happiness is suppose to be. What has to change in your life for you to make the big decision and end the marriage? I guess I really don't understand why you and your wife are waiting this out. If the marriage is actually over, put everyone out of their suffering and DO IT NOW. Waiting for the 'right' time isn't going to come. And please don't say it's best for the kids right now - NO time is going to be good for those kids.
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I cant change people minds. I am leaving. She knows I am . So does A. I will be there for my kids and tell them I was doing what I thought was best at the time. That is for me, A and their mother to help them out with. I don't understand it either. How do the kids not know something is wrong? He sleeps on the recliner every nite & kids don't think that is strange. And if/when he decides to leave, oh by the way kids, I'm leaving mommy. And the kids will be ok with being lied to all these years. I don't know. Maybe I'm the strange one:rolleyes:
EC Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 What has to change in your life for you to make the big decision and end the marriage? I guess I really don't understand why you and your wife are waiting this out. If the marriage is actually over, put everyone out of their suffering and DO IT NOW. Waiting for the 'right' time isn't going to come. And please don't say it's best for the kids right now - NO time is going to be good for those kids. I agree NO time is good for those kids. This is a scar for life even if its explained and re-explained with pictures and candy. I would not hesistate a moment longer. Delaying this further will just confuse the children and make it all that much painful for everyone involved.
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I cant change people minds. I am leaving. She knows I am . So does A. I will be there for my kids and tell them I was doing what I thought was best at the time. That is for me, A and their mother to help them out with. Out of curiosity, is your wife financially independent?
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 she has a job. I will not leave her in financial ruins. We will work all that out when that time comes. Out of curiosity, is your wife financially independent?
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I will not take the chance for something to happen. The time is coming shortly. I agree NO time is good for those kids. This is a scar for life even if its explained and re-explained with pictures and candy. I would not hesistate a moment longer. Delaying this further will just confuse the children and make it all that much painful for everyone involved.
Izzar Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Do you feel you are doing more damage than good to your kids by waiting so long to tell them the truth?
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 will not take a chance for something else to happen. I will explain to them what my intentions are and have been. Do you feel you are doing more damage than good to your kids by waiting so long to tell them the truth?
torranceshipman Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Why are you delaying it? The marriage is over, so leave...it's dishonest to stay, and it sounds to me like you are nervous about making the big move, so you're being selfish and making your own life easier by keeping the wife, kids, family home and the OW, and making excuses to stay 'until the right time', as you are too scared to leave the comfort and security that you know. This is going to be really tough on both women-if you love the OW, make it easier on her and respect the fact that she needs you to be a strong, dependable guy - she shouldn't have to constantly make excuses for your weaknesses. And how on earth is this going to be easier on the kids if it goes on longer? That argument is devoid of logic. I'm a teacher and believe me, although these things are very tough on kids, they appreciate straight talking and not being lied to, and are way more perceptive than most adults give them credit for. I'd have thought that acting with honesty and integrity is the best kind of example you can set for your kids. This is yet another MM having a W and an OW and coming up with excuses as to why he should be able to get away with it - basically you want what you want, and other people are having to make excuses for, and suffer the fallout of, your inaction.
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 she has a job. I will not leave her in financial ruins. We will work all that out when that time comes. What would you do if your wife demanded a divorce now?
Author openingday Posted April 2, 2007 Author Posted April 2, 2007 I gave her that option when DDay happened. She disagreed. If she did demand then I would do what needed to be done. I would be concerned about my one child. What would you do if your wife demanded a divorce now?
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I gave her that option when DDay happened. She disagreed. If she did demand then I would do what needed to be done. I would be concerned about my one child. And what would be needed to be done?
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