should I stay with semi-boyfriend?

[girlie908]

Okay so I wrote an earlier post stating why my "semi-boyfriend" and I are on a break. (Read "should I stay with him). But now I'm more confused than ever! What should I do?

So I went home to NJ this weekend, and we both go to school in Boston. we hooked up before I left, and felt like total **** afterwards because he said he still wanted to be on a break even though we had just been intimate. I was sad but it was my fault for giving in, and so I left.

He didn't contact me all weekend, but when I finally saw him on Sunday, (I left on a Friday), he gave me a big, lingering hug (really confusing!), because we were both running for executive board positions for our club. We both won, btw, so we're going to be working with each other a lot next year. Anyway, after elections, he was down because he thought he lost. I congratulated him, and he asked me to eat with him separately from everyone else, and I agreed. We ate, it was awkward, and went out separate ways...almost. He was going to his room, I was taking the elevator, but I missed him so I came to his room to visit him. We talked more, hugged for longer than friends should, and I left.

Later that I night, I get a text message from him while I'm studying. I complain how I want a single because my roommate's always in my room. He tells me that I can take over his room bc he knows I want to study. Foolishly I agree, just because I want to see him (yeah remember..we're on a break). I go down there, I study, we chat, but then it gets serious. He continuously asks me if I care about him, I say that he knows that I do. But then I start getting upset. First I'm tense about studying for my exam, and here he is confusing me!

I got up to leave because I told him it was hurting me being there, because I knew what I was willing to do for him, to be in a relationship for him, to have the responsibility of being in a relationship. He says that after the past couple of weeks of fighting and other crazy stuff, he just didn't like where it was taking him (being in a relationship), and that it was just so much responsibility, that it was so intense and so serious, and he doesn't know if he can handle that. Of course I want to respect his wishes, but I want to be together too, so I try to leave to give him space. He practically begs me to stay, saying he likes my company, he wants me to be around him, he likes knowing where I am, and that I'm studying close to him. I mean he's begging, holding me, while I'm going wtf...

He starts getting mad at me because he doesn't understand why I'm pushing him away, but I state that it's hurting me because I want something and we just don't agree on it. He says I should take our break as if I was running 5 miles, and I want to run another one, but I need a drink of water. Interesting, yeah, but how long do I let this go on?

I say that I'm tired and want to sleep, and try to leave again, he tells me to sleepover. I'm tired of this banter back and forth with him, so I just tell him okay. But then he kisses me! He says that he cares about me a lot, and that he loves me, but he just needs a breather to reevaluate the relationship. I say okay and try to go to bed.

We're in bed together, and he attempts...to, well you know, hook up with me, and I refuse, because I remember how I felt last time I gave in. He persisted for a few minutes, but then complied and fell asleep with his arms around me. I don't know why I let him do it, but I just feel so comfortable with him, and I love him and want to be with him, and that's why I spend so much time with him. But since we're on a break do you think it's better if we don't spend as much time together? He wants to continue spending time together, but it seems like it's on his terms?

What should I do? Continue with this semi-break, where we are more than friends, but not together, or just accept the fact that he's not mature to handle a relationship right now and move on? It's so hard cuz I see him everyday, we go to the same school, and have the same group of fiends! Not to mention that we're both not bored of each, find each very sexually appealing and attractive, and flirt like crazy.

Ahhh confused! Please someone help me! Sorry this was soo long, I just needed to vent!

[stace79]

I have been in a similar situation as you, and my advice to myself right now is to give up and move on. I thought I might marry this guy and have a family...he always talked about what if we got married and what if this or that. But he's just not ready, regardless of the reason. And I'm so tired of pinning my hopes on this guy that I keep getting resentful and turning into a b****. Anyway I'm on my third or fourth attempt at NC, so I know it can be horribly difficult. But you sound like a really nice girl with a lot to give someone, and he just doesn't sound ready to take it. And even if you keep talking, PLEASE don't sleep with him anymore. If he wasn't pushing for sex, I might feel a little differently, but if he is, I tend to think he's just getting the milk for free, so why buy the cow? Ya know?