longlegzs80 Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Okay, there is this guy at work that I liked alot, he seemed to show interest in me, and I was about to ask him out when I seen him again. The last time I seen him, he told me Happy Birthday and that he was going to mention it on the day of my birthday but I wasn't at work. I asked him how did he know it was my birthday and he said he read it off of the March birthday sheet. Anywho, he showed interest, I showed interest with smiling, asking him his name, checking him out etc. So, I was going to ask him out. Just something small like going out for coffee or movie. He is a shy guy and I am somewhat shy myself. The other day I asked the security guard on duty if Andy still works here because I haven't seen him in awhile, and the security guard said, he quit because he found a better job doing the security thing but sometimes he still sees him. I was so disappointed in myself that I couldn't get enough courage to ask him out when he was working there and now I won't have the opportunity again. How can someone develop enough courage to go up to a man or a women of interest and ask them out? That is my problem, I seem to wait to long and as soon as I have the confidence and courage, they disappear.
Sparky Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 Hey Longlegs! First of all, that is a really HOT name!! I've been down that road too many times. In highschool, I was in love with a girl for 3 years, but when I finally got the courage to tell her how I felt, she was already seeing someone. And at dances, when you just want to get down with the hottest person on the floor, but you're too afraid to ask them. So, I know what you're going through. Now onto your problem... How can someone develop enough courage to go up to a man or a women of interest and ask them out? Very easily, and I know exactly why you feel you can't do it: 1. You become SO attached to this person that you let them control every situation. For example, they leave the room, you HAVE to follow, or you can't stop looking at them, or you HAVE to be able to see them. It's an addiction I call infatuation. 2. You see this person as some SO INCREDIBLE and SO DIFFERENT, that you subconsciously compare them to yourself. Questions come to mind "what if they say no?" "what if they say yes?" "will it ever work out?" "what if it doesn't work out?" WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" I think that's everything. Now on how to fix this... 1. Even though they're nice, sexy, rich, etc. they are human just like you!!/B] They breathe, talk, eat, sleep, and have feelings like anyone else, so they're no different than anyone else. 2. If they don't want anything to do with you, IT'S THEIR LOSS!! NOT YOUR'S!!! You're not loosing anything because they were never interested. In other words, you had nothing in the first place. They're loosing everything. A great time, being impressed by your talents, great friendship, a relationship, and I could go on forever listing everything they could be missing out on. 3. There's nothing wrong with you. If someone doesn't like you, it's their problem. You can't and shouldn't have to change that. THIS is the attitude that's REALLY attractive. 4. Take control of the situation. Hoping the other person will notice you, buy you a drink, come up and start hitting on you, and have the same feelings is going to get you lonely for the rest of your life. Great things don't just fall from the sky, you have to get off your ass and get it. Hope this helps!!
Starry-eyed Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 longlegz, I agree with much of what Sparky says. But self-confidence and esteem don't just appear overnight, they are things you have to work at and practice. I always like to think that, if a guy is interested, he'll ask me/you out first. However, if you've done flirting with the guy and you both seem interested in each other, then you might as well ask him something small, like does he want to go down to the cafe with you to get a coffee and bring it back to work or something, or take a walk at lunch if the weather is nice - something that, really, any two work friends could do together. However, if this guy is gone, I don't know how that would work. Maybe he's someone that you just have to let go, knowing that someone better will come along. Dating and connecting are so hard! So basic to life but so hard!
Sparky Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 I also agree with Starry-eyed. That reminds me, I forgot another important point... 5. It's not the end of the world if they say no. There are over a billion people in this world, and a little less than half of them are male. There's always someone better out there.
Starry-eyed Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 5. It's not the end of the world if they say no. There are over a billion people in this world, and a little less than half of them are male. There's always someone better out there. I know, but that is one of those things that takes practice and repetition to believe that. And when you CAN believe it (because it is of course true), then you really come from a stronger place inside, and a healthier place. It just takes work for most of us to get there. Don't give up, longlegz!
Sparky Posted April 9, 2007 Posted April 9, 2007 That's right. You don't just get confident over-night, it just comes along. Some slower than others, but better than never, right?
RedneckRomeo Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 So you have a lot of posts about what you need to do...now - I want to cover whether you'll ever be able to put it to use with Andy. I met a girl in elementary school. She was really nice and sweet, but I wasn't interested at the time. We lost touch. Many years past - probably around 10 years - and I run into her by accident. I was working, and just doing my job. She was also doing a 'job' (in a band) and it was only by chance that we were in the same place at the same time. She looked great, and was doing really well in life, but I was stupid and went on with my work she went away again. About 6 months later, a group of friends of mine went to see a band. I didn't know it but it was the same girl and her band. I decided I'd go next time with them, and there she was - back in my life. Well, I stayed close, and we became good friends. I started to really like her, but never had the courage to ask her out. She ended up dating another guy, and seemed like I lost again. This happened a few times - off and on. I finally had the courage to ask her out (though it was over text message) and she accepted, but we never went out as she must have picked up a boyfriend between then and when I saw her next. They were together a long time, and we were drifting apart (I actually had by this point given up on dating her at all), but they had a really harsh breakup last year. Since then - we've been getting closer and closer. She talks to me a lot - a whole lot more than she ever used to. I never lost my feelings for her, and I really think this is something that was meant to be from the beginning. I look back at all the things that happened to me - and every single one of those things has led me to where I am today. Fate? Perhaps. But I believe it is more than fate. Divine Will. So - the moral of this story - you may see him again. Then again - you may not ever. If it is the way your life is supposed to go - you will meet him again and begin dating. If not - the experience will help to strengthen you so that next time you meet a guy, you will be able to go out with him and find your way in life. I believe things always happen just right - and never the way they shouldn't be. If its something bad - you have a lesson to learn, or it is a blessing in disguise. Thats how EVERYTHING has been in my life - either a lesson in life, or a blessing.
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