She likes me but isn't ready. Eek! What do I do?

[SC]

There probably has been many a thread like this, but I not got time to scan through them all so I'll be as brief and bespoke as possible.

 

I met this girl through a friend a week ago, and initially I was intrigued. Don't know why, but I just was. To cut a long story short we swapped numbers, went out to the pub just as mates and very much began to fancy her, and I got vibes that she did likewise. We go out Friday night and I tell her how I feel, and she says she likes me. Great I think. Later on the same night she says that she isn't ready for a relationship as her ex broke up with her only a month ago. So, obviously I'm a bit gutted but I completly understand her.

 

The problem is though, I wake up today and yesterday and it feels like a break up. It's like I'm 16 again and I dunno how to control my emotions, I'm really wound up by it. At the end of the day I know to be patient, and also to not say no to anyone else that takes my fancy. But, I'm also really hoping that she gets over her ex and is willing to give me a go. I know I shouldn't but it's just begun to wind me up, and I feel like an impetuant immature kid (I'm 23).

 

At the end of the day we are still gonna be mates so it's not like we won't see each other, but I'd still like things to change. I think maybe she would as well. I know not to be hassling her, all I've done is text her today to see how work was. But has anyone got any special advice to give in this circumstance, is anyone going thru the same thing on the other side of the coin (i.e. have you met someone so recently after splitting with your ex)? All I'm looking for is some supporting words or a tip as to what I should or shouldn't do, as I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for both of us.

 

Thanks

[Walk]

When I met my bf I didn't feel ready to get back into a new relationship right away... I told him that.

 

Trying to remember back that far... basically, I really appreciated that he didn't push anything. We hung out, got drinks together, talked. He didn't get all touchy feely with me. He'd make a few sexual jokes, or comments, enough to let me know he wasn't a "female friend". But nothing so overt as to be crude or anything. When I called, he'd answer.. or he'd call me back as soon as he was available. But he didn't fall all over himself to talk to me. Just enough to let me know he was interested and not an arse, yet not so much that I felt like he was desperate.

 

He let me make all the first moves. Gave enough signs that he was willing, but waited for me to decide. And showed a lot of confidence that if I didn't take him up on it, that it wouldn't crush him. That he enjoyed the here and now, and the world wouldn't end for him if I didn't choose him. I think you kind of need to adopt that mentality with this girl. Enjoy the time you do get, and convince yourself that if she scoots off with someone else, that you'll be fine no matter what.

[bg1975]

Walk,

 

Curious to know how long that process took for you. I have been dating a gal who I think is wonderful for about 8 months now. When I met her, she was getting out of an apparently horrible, controlling, possibly physically abusive relationship. Was obviously emtionally abusive.

 

I have played things loose since meeting her but not it is 8 months later and feel like I just can't go on. I made a mistake this weekend and tried to push things which didn't go so hot. I have done this before to test the waters.

 

How long did it take for you to really open up to the new BF?

[SC]

Thanks, that's really helped. At the end of the day I'll admit that I got a weak spot for her. Tthe trick is not to show it too much. I just not heard from her since sat after asking how her night was and if she had any spae guest passes to the gym, which I though was innocent enough. Just a bit worried that I not heard since. I'm sure everything is fine and I ned to cill out, but it still eats at te back of your head. Oh well, I can only do my best.

 

Ta

[tanbark813]

Well, first off, you shouldn't have told her you liked her already but what's done is done. Do what Walk said her bf did. Most importantly, keep things light.

 

Stop the "how's work" and spare gym passes text messaging. It's lame and transparent. She knows it's just an excuse to contact her. You run the risk of getting on her nerves.

 

Instead, just flat out ask if she wants to hang out some night (but don't say "some night", I mean pick a specific night and ask her out for that). Don't specify one way or another if it's a date or just friends. Just go out and have a good time.

 

Finally, realize that if nothing ever works out then it's not the end of the world. Fear of loss can only serve to hinder your success.

[SC]

Well it was kinda mutual that we liked each other so that couldn't be helped. The request about the gym was genuine, but I can see how that can look now. Silly me. Cheers