Melisande Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 Hiya folk, this is my first post! I've been reading a few on the threads on here, and it gave me the courage to ask your opinion on my situation! Right, I've been with my partner for almost 4 years and lived with him for 3. He's my first serious relationship (which is probably why I find it so difficult to know what the right thing to do is). We've always had some problems, and somehow, I feel like he's been slowly destroying my self-esteem. Everything is always about him and his problems and I feel like he's not interested in me and what I do. He spends hours talking about what he's been doing and his problems, but when I try to talk about my problems (I had a health scare a few months ago) he tells me that he wishes I hadn't told him, because he's got enough of his own problems to deal with! Then he comforts me but that makes me feel like I will never be able to count on him for support and I can't talk to him about my problems. At the moment he's under a lot of pressure for different reasons, and made it quite clear to me that our relationship wasn't a priority for him and that I shouldn't pressure him. He's very busy and I hardly see him but even when he's not busy he's not around and prefers to spend time with his friends. When he's around, all he does is talk about himself and his problems. I'm a good listener and I like helping people, but now I feel drained and I feel it's unfair that I have to give him emotional support all the time but it's never reciprocal. I have lived with it for a long time but now I feel I can't take it anymore. I can't really talk to him about it because he will tell me not to pressure him and that things will get better in a few months. I don't know if I can last a few months. I cry almost everyday and think about leaving. I'm going to get an appointment at my GP to get treated for depression as I can't cope anymore. Now, don't get me wrong, I really love him and we do have some good times, but we don't do anything together, even watching a film would be nice. I'm really split on this and I can't stop thinking about what it was like the first few years we were together and i don't want to give up on him, I love him so much, but I feel dead inside. I also wonder if maybe this is all me and if I get treated for depression things will get better. He's not mean to me in any way (though he does snap at me sometimes) but I feel very neglected. Am I just being oversensitive? Sorry for the long post! PS oh yes, we hardly ever have sex too (because he's not interested, he says he's got a low sex drive)
bridget_jones Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 I'm sorry, but yes, I would leave him. It seems he has checked out of the relationship and is perhaps staying in it only for convenience sake (you live together, the hassles of moving out, etc.) I couldn't handle living with a guy like that. It's NOT you. It's definitely him being a selfish jerk. Get out now.
Author Melisande Posted April 1, 2007 Author Posted April 1, 2007 Ok, thanks. I hear you, but I the same time, it seems that he's so engrossed in his own problems that he doesn't realise how unhappy I am (mm, doesn't make him look any better does it). Part of that is because I have problems communicating negative things, and I feel like I'm hiding how unhappy I am from him and pretend I'm ok all the time. He is capable of being nice and caring, I just wish he could be like that again. Deep down I guess I know you're right, but it's just so hard! I'm probably in denial, the prospect of being without him is just so painful... Thanks
bridget_jones Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 When you stated that you have told him a problem you're having, and he said he wished you didn't tell him, that really made me feel like he's purposefully not really caring. Also he doesn't want to do things with you.
ddnnee Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 leave that fool and find yourself a more deserving man. ah yes, i love saying that. it truely has an american touch to it. definately right for our times. whatever happened to the days where two people will endure until death. oh wait, that's the traditional back in the 1600's. i have been at the short end of this stick several times before. i find that the american girl's tactic to problems is this: girl has problem with guy and no solution can be found, or attempted. girl emotionally detaches from guy and secretly finds new guy. Once love is transfered to new guy, dump old guy by having sex with new guy in front of old guy. america, truely the best!
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