noir Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I was browsing the net and found this place. I thought I would ask for some advice. I have been dating this girl for the past two and a half months. We met off the internet (she contacted me). We talked and IMed for two months before meeting. Problem is she lives two hours away. When we first started seeing each other it started off very well. We would see each other twice a week and talk for an hour each day before going to sleep. She is conservative. She told be up front that she wanted to take things slowly. We have kissed a lot but never had sex. I didn't really get to grabby either. She contacted me because she thought she was going to be moving here soon. Things happined, mostly financial and this got delayed. Despite this we kept things going. She is moving back here. She is getting some job issues and living issues which is causing a lot of stress. Lately she has been talking a lot about how our relationship has been putting stress on her. We haven't talked my in the past two weeks. She told me that she wouldn't be able to see me as often due to money issues. Tonight the **** hit the fan. Things we going fine until all of a sudden I asked if she could call me later (she had somewhere to be soon, family) and then she started citing stress again. I said I only wanted to talk for 10 mins. Then she talked about how different we were. She said she still likes me but she used the F word. And thats F as in friend. I knew there was some turbulence but I didn't see this coming. I was floored. She was talking about my thoughts about having kids. She was expressing a lot of doubts. I am hoping this is temporary though. I am trying to keep a positive mind about this but its hard. I love her. I don't think I have said it to her in so many words. I was afraid it would scare her especially after the way things have been told lately. Does is sound like its over or am I overreacting?
Island Girl Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 You aren't over reacting. Not at all. If you have only been seeing each other for 2 months - she has been pulling back from the relationship - and now she is using the 'friend' word. The best thing you can do is say - "well, since you are having so many things going on now what with moving and money - maybe it's best if we just take a break from all of this. Let me know when you move back to _____. Maybe we'll get together and do something. See ya." You are sacrificing yourself in the face of someone who is unsure of you and possibly feels smothered due to the fact that it has only been a couple of months and you have discussed having children, etc. The only thing you can do is vacate and hope that missing you causes her to reach out to you. IF she does - don't move so fast - don't become needy (i.e. "call me later - it won't be too long only 10 minutes", etc.). If she doesn't you were heading for a dismal end - at least you can walk away with elements of your pride in tact.
Author noir Posted April 1, 2007 Author Posted April 1, 2007 She said that she really enjoyed being with me. And to an extent I think I may have been too needy when we werent talking. She said she just wanted to take a step back. She said that she does want to see me again but right now at least as a friend.
Island Girl Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 She said that she really enjoyed being with me. And to an extent I think I may have been too needy when we werent talking. She said she just wanted to take a step back. She said that she does want to see me again but right now at least as a friend. Unless you want to be a friend for eternity - don't go that route. Just let her know that you understand she has a lot going on and you may have been swept up in the moment as well. Tell her you think it's best if you reconnect after she's moved and vanish. If she felt you had anything she'll be back and you can start over without being needy. Use the free time without her to get a handle on your self esteem too so you won't make the same mistakes again.
Guest Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 I was browsing the net and found this place. I thought I would ask for some advice. I have been dating this girl for the past two and a half months. We met off the internet (she contacted me). We talked and IMed for two months before meeting. Problem is she lives two hours away. When we first started seeing each other it started off very well. We would see each other twice a week and talk for an hour each day before going to sleep. She is conservative. She told be up front that she wanted to take things slowly. We have kissed a lot but never had sex. I didn't really get to grabby either. She contacted me because she thought she was going to be moving here soon. Things happined, mostly financial and this got delayed. Despite this we kept things going. She is moving back here. She is getting some job issues and living issues which is causing a lot of stress. Lately she has been talking a lot about how our relationship has been putting stress on her. We haven't talked my in the past two weeks. She told me that she wouldn't be able to see me as often due to money issues. Wow I am stunned. Your story has a lot of bizarrae parallels to my current situation. I spent 2 months chatting online with a guy who lived in a town that I almost moved to. I did not move there because I was under stress taking care of sick family member. He lives 2 hours away also. Now that my family member doesn't need me I am moving to a city near the guy I talked to online. But not because of him, in fact I moving to different town that originally planned because I would find it odd to run into him all the time. So he and I met for 1 date . Long date. Thought it went well. Apparently this guy turned out to have issues and only appreciates skinny size 0-4 girlies. (Im size 10 right now and getting back down to my usual size 2-4) So anyway I am his "friend". And that's fine. C'est La Vie. And when Im thin again and live nearby, no I wont date him because he already failed my superficiality test. But in your case I have a feeling the stress IS bugging this girl. I know firsthand that I had an AWESOME guy who wanted date me badly when I was under stress a few months ago. I gave him the whole Im under stress spiel. But I thought he was totally a catch and wasnt rejecting him whatsoever. The stress was literally making me shut down and I couldnt give myself to him as anything but sobbing mess. Better to try again when she's on top on her life. My advice to you is to live your own life, but be her friend and try again when she finally moves there.
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