Guest Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Hey everyone, I was with my girlfriend for over 4 years. We started dating when she was a sophomore and I was a senior in HS. We both went to the same university and were very close. Both of us have been extremely busy our entire lives, and this seemed to work for our relationship. Like most relationships, there were a few problems, but nothing major: I started taking her for granted a little bit was probably the most important. So, a few weeks ago (3 weeks exactly I guess) she came over and we went on a walk. She told me that she couldn't be fully committed to our relationship because she had never known anything else. I take it to mean that she needs to be independent before she can be dependent on somebody else, which I have heard many times from lots of people. She had talked to her mom and a few of her friends before the breakup, and had started to withdraw about a week before the end (like most girls, ya?). A big part of the decision to her was that we were both, likely, going to be spending time away next semester--I am graduating and likely taking a position in Teach for America, and she is doing a study abroad in South America (one semester). So, I went through most of the stages of grief: couldn't believe it at first, tried bargaining with her second, and now I think I'm finally starting to accept the situation. Not that it doesn't hurt, it definitely still does and my sleeping and eating habits haven't returned to normal. But I think that I have realized that breaking up was the best thing possible for both of us for a few reasons. First, it would have been bad for both of us for her to stay in a relationship to which she couldn't be committed. Second, it made me realize how important she was in my life. Third, and this one is hoping I guess, she will realize that being single isn't all that great. So, I found this forum and have been reading lots of threads. There is something very comforting about reading other peoples' experiences that are similar to your own. It seems like most people think that NC is the way to go in most situations, but there are others who say that it depends on the situations. I'm more inclined to think that it depends on the situation, since that's usually the case with most things in life: Extremes and blanket statements are rarely the way to go. So, my most recent realization was that it was probably the best thing, but along with this came a lot of hope for the future. She seemed sincere about needing to know what it was like to have other experiences (not necessarily other guys, but not being in a relationship). And, I'm not sure how important this is, but her parents went through a very similar thing: Met when they were in high school, moved apart for a period, and then got back together, ended up getting married and being very happy in the long run. So, am I making a mistake in holding out hope for the future? Or does this sound like a situation where there is a legitimate hope for reconciliation? Thanks a lot
TheBigQuestion Posted April 3, 2007 Posted April 3, 2007 Hope for the future is reasonable in your situation, but unfortunately the odds are almost always against that, sorry to say.
Sweetie2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Hope for the future is reasonable in your situation, but unfortunately the odds are almost always against that, sorry to say. I would say it depends on the situation. A friend of mine, was "in love" with me for like 3 years, up until almost a year ago, he would do anything and everything to get close to me (in any way he could, without going over the comfort line), he even tried getting inbetween my BF and I when we went through a rough time. I guess what I'm saying is, that hope for some people dies hard.... just don't bog yourself down waiting for her, go out with people and have fun still, even if you don't start up a new relationship... good luck!
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