girlie908 Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 okay the relationship btwn me and my bf is really complicated. we got into a fight last weekend, he broke up with me..then two days later we decided we would take a break for a week so he could think and have his own personal space. okay that break wasn't really a break. we still saw each other a lot, ate lunches/dinners togethers, flirted with each other, but not kissing or hugging. then he says stuff like okay let's make a bet on this, and u owe me 15 mins of massage. so i'm majorly confused cuz i'm like i thought he wanted to go on a break but we haven't been seeing that much less of each other. so we both go out to a party last night separately, but when we see each other there we smile, flirt, etc... one of my friend's even says she wished that a guy looked at her like that. still no kissing/hugging, except for occasional flirty touching. i leave, he leaves later, but we find each other and he has my cell phone. we walk back separately to our dorms. i'm sad cuz i miss him a lot, but right when i get to my floor, he's there, waiting for me! we talk and flirt and then we both go to bed, well almost. i text him and say to run around with me, he tells me to sleep over so i do. we don't do anything. we both go to class the next day, he tries to leave without saying anything, i tell him to hold on, i'm going home that day so i give him a hug. i say he can eat with me if he wants to later. he agrees then we part. i walk outside 5 mins later and he's there waiting for me. class ended early so we chat, for 20 minutes until i have to go bak to my class and he walks with me to get a drink at the convenience store. later he texts me and says he can't meet me at the original time for lunch, i say it's ok. he suggests a later time and i agree. we meet up, eat, and i leave before him, saying he'll meet me in my room in 5 minutes. we flirt and chat in my room, and pretty soon we're hugging and kissing, and one thing leads to another and we have sex. i'm majorly confused, bc we're 2 days in to our break, and we're aready having sex. i'm sad bc i don't want to feel used, so i ask him if he loves me, and he says he does. but he still wants to be on a break cuz it's less responsibility. it kind of hurts me since having sex is a big deal to me, and i feel like with that comes a lot of responsibility. should i wait for him to come around or should i just leave him? sorry this was so longg
Lovestoomuch Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Hi Girlie, in any relationship you have to decide what you will and will not accept from the other person...your boundaries. He wants to be free but still have you available for sex when he decides he wants it. You wrote ..."he broke up with me..then two days later we decided we would take a break for a week so he could think and have his own personal space." A typo, or is it all about what he wants? I took it as you felt the last time you had sex you felt used, which is a terrible feeling. You have to tell him that this arrangement is unacceptable for you, that is if you feel that way. If he still insists on being free to do his thing while he keeps you waiting in the wings move on. There are too many nice guys in the world to waste your time with someone who treats you like this. Remember, while your waiting for him to decide if he wants to commit to a relationship, you make yourself unavailable to meet that guy who will treat you with respect and love you. Good luck to you!
bridget_jones Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 The best thing you can do right now is make it a REAL break from him. Don't call, email, text, etc. or RETURN his calls. Don't ask him to meet to get together. If he asks you to get together, say you have plans. You need to be VERY unavailable to him. After all, he's the one who wanted the break from you. I am going to get flamed, but if you can, get the book Why Men Love Bitches and The Rules to keep you reading in the meantime. The behavior you described is that you were a total doormat to him. I'm not saying to follow the books line by line but the premise of WMLB is NOT to be a bitch, but to respect yourself. a woman in that book, when her boyfriend had told her he wanted a break, would not be flirting with him, kissing him, asking him to lunch, and sleeping with him. DON'T BE A DOORMAT. Did it do you any good? NO. He still stated he wants the break, even after you bent over backwards for him. If you read these books, they will totally empower you. Don't be available or give in to see this man, he wanted the break, he's got it! He needs to miss you and realize that you respect yourself and won't settle for this break crap, and know that you're not going to be his doormat when he's missing sex and companionship on his "break." Best case scenario, you'll meet a BETTER guy during this "break" and leave him behind in the dust.
Author girlie908 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 hey thanks for the replies guys. i'm just so confused because i really do love this guy and want to be with him but i fee like right now he just wants what he wants. i'm ready to do NC with him but it'll be hard bc 1) we go to the same school 2) we're in the same multi-cultural club which consists of basically all of our mutual friends 3) we're in a class together 4) live in the same dorm. it hurts thinking about what we've been through and to have him give it all away just so he can have less responsibility and have me as a booty call. i'm running for an eboard position for this club on sunday, so i have to see him. what should i do when i see him then? ignore him? say hi politely then walk away? talk to him normally?
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 If you feel you can resist temptation, I would advise that you talk to him normally. Keep things upbeat but at a distance. Ignoring or being short with him only lets him know that he's getting to you. Never let him see you sweat. I agree with the other posters about not being available on his time. If you want to be available on your time, that's up to you.
Author girlie908 Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 okay so i think that just talking to him normally on my time is a good idea, but the impending end of our break is on wednesday, but i feel like he might want to prolong it. should i just wait around until he feels like being totally committed to me, or should i give him an ultimatum. before our break we were together for a year and a half and it just sucks since now he wants less responsibility, especially when i need him now more than ever. my mother passed away a couple of months ago and i have been feeling lonely, depressed, and homesick and he is my best friend at school although i'm trying to become more independent, it's just hard bc i feel like i want and need someone to be there for me right now. but i guess i just can't want someone to be there for me, they have to want to be there for me too. if he doesn't, should i leave him?
Recommended Posts