Rooster_DAR Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Had to see my Ex fiance this afternoon to take care of some financial matters and return personal belongings. Things went well until we were leaving, and she started getting sentimental and wanted a gesture that requires physical embracing (hug). I said "don't" I don't want to do this and jumped into my truck as she said with tears forming"This is probably the last time we will ever see each other again. I simply did not want to engage in this emotionally, it would have been catastrophic for me and I don't think I could have held back my tears in front of her. I jumped in my truck and left quickly, only to pull into another parking lot and try not to break down, and I started crying when I told myself I would never cry for her again. Somehow I wish the media in my head was flash-able or re-programmable, I really want to erase the memories so I don't have to live through this torture. I returned all digital images and movies we made together in our five year venture together, I don't want to be reminded this failed relationship, I already have the burden of memory to live with. The circumstances of our demise is still fresh, I thought I was nearly completely over this mess, but like a ton of bricks all the memories hit me at once and it was quite overwhelming. I truly understand the pain that encompasses people when a relationship fails where love was once involved, it something that is tragic and truly a sad part of life. I'm mostly typing this out to myself, so forgive all the sappy/wimpy material here I'm just trying to remove this event from my life so I can live happy in the future. Regards, and Cheers
burning 4 revenge Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 You did the right the thing. Never cry in front of a woman.
RecordProducer Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Rooster, this was very educational. May I ask why you broke up? I'd love to hear the story of your life ... I am listening ... Oh, OK ... never mind ...
johan Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I know those feelings. Whatever hangover you have from this will pass quickly. Thank God you really never have to see her again.
Jubilee Kate Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Had to see my Ex fiance this afternoon to take care of some financial matters and return personal belongings. Things went well until we were leaving, and she started getting sentimental and wanted a gesture that requires physical embracing (hug). I said "don't" I don't want to do this and jumped into my truck as she said with tears forming"This is probably the last time we will ever see each other again. I simply did not want to engage in this emotionally, it would have been catastrophic for me and I don't think I could have held back my tears in front of her. I jumped in my truck and left quickly, only to pull into another parking lot and try not to break down, and I started crying when I told myself I would never cry for her again. Somehow I wish the media in my head was flash-able or re-programmable, I really want to erase the memories so I don't have to live through this torture. I returned all digital images and movies we made together in our five year venture together, I don't want to be reminded this failed relationship, I already have the burden of memory to live with. The circumstances of our demise is still fresh, I thought I was nearly completely over this mess, but like a ton of bricks all the memories hit me at once and it was quite overwhelming. I truly understand the pain that encompasses people when a relationship fails where love was once involved, it something that is tragic and truly a sad part of life. I'm mostly typing this out to myself, so forgive all the sappy/wimpy material here I'm just trying to remove this event from my life so I can live happy in the future. Regards, and Cheers Want me to kick her in the junk? Seriously though, I'm sorry you had to see her and it was painful for you, but maybe cleaning house is exactly what you need to help push you over the hurdle toward complete healing? "The one charm of the past is that it is the past." ~Oscar Wilde
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Don't be so hard on yourself. If you need to cry more about the loss of her, then cry. Obviously seeing her stirred up alot of emotion inside you, which under the circumstances is normal. You handled the situation well and not letting her have her way, getting that hug and having a "final" goodbye still hurts, but it was the better choice for you. so forgive all the sappy/wimpy material here I'm just trying to remove this event from my life so I can live happy in the future. She was a big part of your life, and it didn't work out - That f**k'n sucks and it hurts. Let yourself grieve abit more, maybe it's a good thing now to get it all out and then you can move on and not look back. I guess that's why NC is so important for the heart to heal.
Author Rooster_DAR Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 She was a big part of your life, and it didn't work out - That f**k'n sucks and it hurts. Let yourself grieve abit more, maybe it's a good thing now to get it all out and then you can move on and not look back. I guess that's why NC is so important for the heart to heal. Yup!, just when you think you are good to go, one moment can bring it all back again. I handled it well, I know she would have given some sort of puppy dog sob story and I wanted to show her I have moved on and also remind her of the **it she put me through. I resent and hate her so much, but part of me still loves her but I guess it's a part of her that was lost long ago. Thanks people!
Ladyjane14 Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 ...she started getting sentimental and wanted a gesture that requires physical embracing (hug). I said "don't" I don't want to do this and jumped into my truck as she said with tears forming"This is probably the last time we will ever see each other again. That was all about HER and not about you anyway. She just wants to reassure herself that she's not a bad person... but what she wants is no longer your problem, right? Withholding reassurance was kind of like withholding permission. She never had your permission to abuse your trust before, and she's not getting it now. Good for you, Rooster. :bunny: You stuck to your guns, and even though it was difficult, you did what you needed to do for YOU. Because I think you'd have felt even worse if you'd allowed her to manipulate you one last time. If it makes you feel any better... you also left her with the knowledge that a person really CAN go too far sometimes. Maybe she'll think about that the next time she's tempted to cheat on a guy who trusted her. Sometimes it's better to slap a hand than hold it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Yup, I agree. You handled it well RD. Be strong and stay strong.
Author Rooster_DAR Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 That was all about HER and not about you anyway. She just wants to reassure herself that she's not a bad person... but what she wants is no longer your problem, right? Withholding reassurance was kind of like withholding permission. She never had your permission to abuse your trust before, and she's not getting it now. Good for you, Rooster. :bunny: You stuck to your guns, and even though it was difficult, you did what you needed to do for YOU. Because I think you'd have felt even worse if you'd allowed her to manipulate you one last time. If it makes you feel any better... you also left her with the knowledge that a person really CAN go too far sometimes. Maybe she'll think about that the next time she's tempted to cheat on a guy who trusted her. Sometimes it's better to slap a hand than hold it. Yes I did, I did not want to leave her with the impression that I forgive her or give her the satisfaction of easing her guilt, although it was incredibly hard to do. Thanks for the support ya'll!
Curmudgeon Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Yes I did, I did not want to leave her with the impression that I forgive her or give her the satisfaction of easing her guilt, although it was incredibly hard to do. Ya did good and the hurt will fade in time. You left her with the strong message that she is no longer worthy of you and that's appropriate. So long as you don't have to have contact with her again you'll do fine. Even if you do run across her inadvertently I think you'll be fine.
LakesideDream Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Rooster, I understand your feelings. I haven't seen my ex in .. six years. My daughter is 26 and I'm not looking forward to hearing that she is getting ready to marry because I doubt I will choose to attend the wedding. Pretty silly huh?
Gunny376 Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 LakesideDreamRooster, I understand your feelings. I haven't seen my ex in .. six years. My daughter is 26 and I'm not looking forward to hearing that she is getting ready to marry because I doubt I will choose to attend the wedding. Rooster_DARQuote: I resent and hate her so much, but part of me still loves her but I guess it's a part of her that was lost long ago. "When you choose to bear anger at your ex-partner, you build a wall around yourself. You become trapped in an emotional complex of such pain and agony that negative energy begins to dominate your entire life. Your resentment can literally become so pervasive as to crowd every other feeling out of your heart. What is more, your emotions do not remain specific to your former partner. Bitterness and anger are such powerful forces, that once they enter your heart, they change everything about you. The redefine who you are. If your heart has turned cold from your feelings of bitterness, for example, then that is the heart from which all your emotions spring. This the heart that you will show your children, your parents, to your fellow human being ~ and yes to any future partner. If effect, you make it almost impossible for yourself to love and to be loved. It's as if you get up every morning and put on your clothes and then you put on your pain and hurt, and off to work you go. In many way your inability to forgive your partner ~ and yes to forgive yourself for the destructive things you have done - is what give rise to so much discord.................................If you choose to carry on your reseentments, then I guarantee you a life of misery." Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D "Relationship Rescue" ISBN 0-7868-9110-6 You guys ~ like me ~ have to forgive them ~ if not for themselves ~ then for yourselfs. This was a hard one for me and a hard one to get wrapped around my head and learn. Letting go ~ is gaining more. Not just letting go of them, what we had, what we could have had ~ but the anger, the bitterness, the haterd, the betrayal. Until I forgive her, my bitterness and haterd consumed me. I was hating life and most people in it.
shellys-trying Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 There's a gal out there somewhere, RD. I'd sit back and enjoy being you for a while, tho'. It's nearing summertime soon. Who knows!
Author Rooster_DAR Posted March 31, 2007 Author Posted March 31, 2007 You guys ~ like me ~ have to forgive them ~ if not for themselves ~ then for yourselfs. This was a hard one for me and a hard one to get wrapped around my head and learn. Letting go ~ is gaining more. Not just letting go of them, what we had, what we could have had ~ but the anger, the bitterness, the haterd, the betrayal. Until I forgive her, my bitterness and haterd consumed me. I was hating life and most people in it. I understand this and I know it needs to be done at some point, I thought that point had past but apparently not. I'm sure the day will come when I can look back and laugh at this, but it's not now.
Island Girl Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Hey Rooster - Sorry you went through all of this. It'll get better. I find it hard to believe such an intelligent eloquent admirable man would be on the market for long. You should try to enjoy being single and having your life as it is. I have a feeling that it isn't going to be for very long... Cheers!
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