Will he ever leave his wife?

[Guest]

I met a man about 6 months ago... we exchanged numbers and talked and texted ofen...found we had a lot in common and got along really well, but he is a married man of 5 years with one 2 year old daughter. He expressed to me his unhappiness and his situation and that a divorce was on the horizon.

 

For a long time I refused to get physical with him and surprisingly he didn't protest...over the months we got closer and closer and i feel a real connection with him...our relationship progressed naturally and he tells me that he's in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

I feel he genuinly cares about me. But he also made these vows to another woman...he says he didn't know what love was until he met me and he didn't feel this way about his wife when he met her. We didn't get physical until last week...I don't feel upset about this besides the fact that he has a wife at home.

 

He told her about meand she still wants to be with him. He still acts the same way he always has towards me but more loving and more affectionate and more romantic. I have other opportunities to date other men but for some reason i feel completly drawn towards this one...I don't know what to do ..I've never had these kinds of feelings before.

[stubbornbutnice]

Hi Guest...

 

You should post this on the infedelity/ other man/woman thread... That's where you can get answers to your question.Us divorce/spearation people probably can't/ won't be able to help.

 

Try over there and they'll help you out.

SBN

[hurting_in_nw]

From someone whose wife just cheated on him with a married man, best of luck. Not.

[jmargel]

IMO there are 3 sides to every story. His, hers and the truth. Actions also speak louder than words.. And finally.. Don't make someone a priority who only thinks of you as an option.

 

Really think about these three things I just mentioned. Right now all he is saying is words.. He knows how to pull your heart strings. If he really wants to be with you then he would have at least seperated and moved out. Cut him off until he does so.

 

Also remember good chance he has created alot of the problems in his marriage as well. You don't know the whole story.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its cheaper and easier to stay married, particularly when you have an OW who agrees to see you on the side and allow you to stay married.

 

If you want him to make a choice, you have to give him a choice to make. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him, but you absolutely will not accept his being married. Let him know that you will be there for him when he shows you signed and notarized divorce papers, and a lease to his new place. Then, cut him off completely. Do not let him contact you, and do not contact him. If he contacts you and he is any less than divorced and living in his own place, then remind him of your terms and cut him off again.

 

That is the only way he is going to make a choice. Just be prepared to move on though, as the choice he makes probably won't be the one you want him to make.

[2ndIINone]

I met a man about 6 months ago...

 

we exchanged numbers and talked and texted ofen.

first mistake.

 

he says he didn't know what love was until he met me and he didn't feel this way about his wife when he met her.

:laugh::laugh: he's smooth.... but could've came up with a better line then that.

 

He still acts the same way he always has towards me but more loving and more affectionate and more romantic.

and you're surprised by this why? He's gettin' some at home AND outside the home.

 

Will he ever leave his wife?

No.

 

 

Words of wisdom... if this guy can do this to his wife... WIFE...and his two year old daughter... then he can do it to you later on.

 

Theres' a million single guys out there... go find one that's trustworthy and respectful of you, himself, his daughter and his wife.... and stop cutting yourself short.

[Trialbyfire]

What's with people who can't handle a little deferral when a child is young? How needy are you that you can't lose a little attention when there's a little one who needs her more?

 

Sorry, mini rant.

 

If he's honest about the divorce pending, he can wait until it's a done deal. Please read the threads in the OW/OM forum for the results of an affair with a married man. Most never leave their wives, using their children as the excuse.

[whichwayisup]

Tell him to call you when the divorce papers are signed...

 

To get involved with a MM who says his marriage is ending, is just nuts! He has things to sort out with his wife, the children, the house, money, and ofcourse, there has to be a period of time he's alone so he can grieve the marriage and get used to a new life without his wife. Even if he is the one ending it, it takes time. Last thing you want is to jump into a serious relationship with him and then all of a sudden you realize you're the rebound, or he decides to go back to his wife.

 

Your choice, but if you stay and be the OW in his life, you're settling for table scraps, selling yourself short.

 

Don't you feel you deserve a man who doesn't already have a family, someone who isn't married already??? He comes with ALOT of baggage, that is, IF he leaves his wife....

[shellys-trying]

This girl shouldn't have given him any until he got his D, but that's just my opinion...

 

She'd probably figured out what kinda guy he was real quick.

[Salicious Crumb]

Will he ever leave his wife?......no

[Jinxx]

Sometimes they leave, sometimes they don't. If he loves you and sincerely wants to be with you then he'll leave the marriage. I think six months is too soon to determine this.

[outofdarkness]

I met a man about 6 months ago... we exchanged numbers and talked and texted ofen...found we had a lot in common and got along really well, but he is a married man of 5 years with one 2 year old daughter. He expressed to me his unhappiness and his situation and that a divorce was on the horizon.

 

For a long time I refused to get physical with him and surprisingly he didn't protest...over the months we got closer and closer and i feel a real connection with him...our relationship progressed naturally and he tells me that he's in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

I feel he genuinly cares about me. But he also made these vows to another woman...he says he didn't know what love was until he met me and he didn't feel this way about his wife when he met her. We didn't get physical until last week...I don't feel upset about this besides the fact that he has a wife at home.

 

He told her about meand she still wants to be with him. He still acts the same way he always has towards me but more loving and more affectionate and more romantic. I have other opportunities to date other men but for some reason i feel completly drawn towards this one...I don't know what to do ..I've never had these kinds of feelings before.

I am so amazed that I keep reading the same old thing in this forum over and over and over...The MM use the same excuses, tell the same lies, and the OW just keeps on believing him. It is a rare exception to the rule IMO when the MM actually DOES leave his W and family to be w/ the OW. Yes, it does happen on occasion, but it has to be rather "easy" for him. IE: He has to be very secure financially and feel comfortable leaving his kids...These are two biggies...D is expensive and money is many MM's God...They won't part w/ it easily or pleasantly...The kids are a different story..IMO, they disrespected the kids and mistreated them when they started the A. See..A's don't just effect the W...They destroy entire families! It will always happen, always has and there is nothing anyone can do about it...

[Meaplus3]

Will he leave? IMO, NO! My OP is based on so very many stories I have read here on LS in the past year. I would forget him and move on. Good luck.

 

AP:)

[Seen_It_All]

For a long time I refused to get physical with him and surprisingly he didn't protest...

Of course he's not going to protest - he has no RIGHT to. It's not like you're dating him, or anything. Secondly, the excitement of the chase is half the fun for these idiots.

 

...our relationship progressed naturally and he tells me that he's in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Ahh, yes...that old nugget about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you is straight from page #14 of the MM Handbook.

 

...he says he didn't know what love was until he met me and he didn't feel this way about his wife when he met her.

MM Handbook, page #23, from the chapter entitled, "Romantic Lies That Fool Gullible Women Every Single Time."

 

It's right before the chapter entitled, "The Benefits of Telling Your OW that You've Admitted Your Affair to Your Wife - and Your Wife Still Wants to Stay Married for the Sake of the Children."

 

He told her about me and she still wants to be with him.

LOL - I see he read the chapter about claiming to have told his wife about you.

 

What a ludicrous story, that he told his wife. But here's the benefit to doing that - he can now blame his staying in his marriage on his WIFE. Instead of actually sprouting a sack and backing up his lies of wanting to leave, he can instead blame his staying all on the wife. Convenient, ain't it?

 

Oh, and I'll bet he's asked you to STILL keep the affair a secret because "she requested that I not rub my affair in her face" - would that be correct? That way, he can depend on your continued discretion (to 'protect' her feelings, of course!) and he gets to stay at home as well. He's got you RIGHT where he wants you - playing the game by his rules.

 

Here's a thought....since she "knows" about your affair with her husband, why don't you give her a call and find out her side of things? It's not like you'll be blowing the cover off this thing since he "told" her all about you...right?

 

He still acts the same way he always has towards me but more loving and more affectionate and more romantic.

Why is this a surprise? The guy's got the best of both worlds - a totally pliable OW who believes his bullsh*t stories and does exactly what he asks of her, and an UNKNOWING wife at home, devoted to him and keeping the home fires burning and thinking her life and marriage are good.

 

And here's this selfish PIG right in the middle, lapping up the rewards of what BOTH of you are offering him.

 

I have other opportunities to date other men but for some reason i feel completly drawn towards this one...I don't know what to do ..I've never had these kinds of feelings before.

Unfortunately, it's called DELUSION and until you see this selfish pri*ck for what he really is, you'll continue to waste your life and youth on him. I can only hope 6 months doesn't turn into 6 YEARS.

[herenow]

Unfortunately for his wife, he probably won't leave. The truth is, the wife deserves better. MM who have affairs with no regret and OW who have sex with MM with no regret belong together.

 

I doubt that he just went home one day and said "honey I had sex with an OW", and she said, "no problem, I'll stay and take your abuse". There has to be more to the story. But I do believe these two callous people deserve each other and the wife should be able to find her own true love.

[PoshPrincess]

Unfortunately for his wife, he probably won't leave. The truth is, the wife deserves better. MM who have affairs with no regret and OW who have sex with MM with no regret belong together.

 

I doubt that he just went home one day and said "honey I had sex with an OW", and she said, "no problem, I'll stay and take your abuse". There has to be more to the story. But I do believe these two callous people deserve each other and the wife should be able to find her own true love.

 

Ouch, v harsh. Same for Seen It All's post although they both hold a certain amount of truth of course.

 

The thing is, you NEVER know what the real sitch is and it's quite possible that you never will. Your MM MAY be stringing you along. Then again, he may mean what he says. I'm not sure about the 'telling the W' bit. That DOES sound a bit strange, although he could've done it to ease his conscience. As someone else said, you COULD confront her and then you will know for sure but, if he hasn't told her, would you really want to do that to her?

 

If you have had sex with your MM (as you have) then you are never going to know whether they are using you or not. Unless he leaves W and you both live happily ever after of course......

 

I'd give him an ultimatum if you're sure you want to be with him. Then you will know one way or the other. If he does choose to stay with his W, I personally don't believe that means he doesn't love you, but whatever the reason, that will be his choice and you will have to go with it.

 

Lots of luck.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

LOL, SEEN IT ALL, I just KNEW there was a book!

[herenow]

 

Ouch, v harsh. Same for Seen It All's post although they both hold a certain amount of truth of course.

 

Why is it harsh to say that they belong together? Think about it. If cheaters wound up with each other, then when they cheated, no one would be surprised or hurt. If the world worked that way (and I know it doesn't), then honest, faithful people would marry and if there were problems in the marriage, they would be honest with each other. They would do what honest people do and either work it out or get a divorce before moving on to another relationship. And cheaters could live their lives cheating on each other.

 

I know it's a ridiculous pipe dream, but to say that cheaters belong together isn't harsh. At least I don't think so. It certainly isn't harsh to say that the wife deserves the chance to find true love since, according to guest, her husband seems to have found it with an OW.

[shellys-trying]

I've got news for the poster who created this thread, if her MM's W really knew about the A, SHE would know that the W knows, because the W would be telling her so.

 

Point being, this girl's MM is lying through his teeth to her just to shut her up and keep getting whatever it is he's getting from her.

 

I'll bet this girl could walk up to the guy's W in a store and the W wouldn't know anything. There would be her proof.

 

It's a known and documented fact cheating MMs are liars. ALL of them.

If they're lying to their W, they're definitely lying to their OW.

[herenow]

I've got news for the poster who created this thread, if her MM's W really knew about the A, SHE would know that the W knows, because the W would be telling her so.

 

Point being, this girl's MM is lying through his teeth to her just to shut her up and keep getting whatever it is he's getting from her.

 

I'll bet this girl could walk up to the guy's W in a store and the W wouldn't know anything. There would be her proof.

 

It's a known and documented fact cheating MMs are liars. ALL of them.

If they're lying to their W, they're definitely lying to their OW.

 

Good point. By telling the OW that his wife already knows and is staying, takes away the eventual blackmail treat that most OW's resort to. Brilliant! The MM gets the OW to continue the affair and he gets to keep his wife in the dark. Not only are they liars, they are REALLY good at it.

[Freedom Now]

LOL, SEEN IT ALL, I just KNEW there was a book!

 

And my xMM could be the author. I am sure there is a thing or two he could teach the "newby" cheating MM!

 

You know, these MM can be so PREDICTABLE, can't they?

 

It really is like they are following some script!

 

:bunny: :bunny:

[herenow]

And my xMM could be the author. I am sure there is a thing or two he could teach the "newby" cheating MM!

 

You know, these MM can be so PREDICTABLE, can't they?

 

It really is like they are following some script!

 

:bunny: :bunny:

 

Absolutely. If all OW were able to read the book, there wouldn't be such confusion. MM do what ever it takes to get what they want and keep what they have. But everyone wants to believe that they are different. True some are different, but VERY FEW break the basic mold.

 

The thing is, this MM has already answered the question for her, but she doesn't want to believe the answer.

[shellys-trying]

And my xMM could be the author. I am sure there is a thing or two he could teach the "newby" cheating MM!

 

You know, these MM can be so PREDICTABLE, can't they?

 

It really is like they are following some script!

 

:bunny: :bunny:

 

I think the script must be stored in their pants.

[greengoddess]

Will he ever leave his wife? Yes Yes Yes he will. In about 16 years when his baby goes off to college. Oh that is if he doesn't have another child.

 

Actually his child is two. Just about the time a happy family would want to start thinking of having another child. So maybe you'll know soon when he cries to you that wifey is pregnant and he just doesn't believe it happened. They only had sex once and it was just to keep her from being suspicious and keep the pretense up.

 

So yes he will leave her. Why don't you hang around for a few years and wait and see.

[herenow]

I think the script must be stored in their pants.

 

In that case, it should be easy for an OW to get a copy.