olimits7 Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 My girlfriend and I have been discussing the same issue now for over 2 ½ years. It would go away for some time, but then it would always get brought back up. Anyway, we decided that talking about it anymore wasn’t getting us anywhere; so we decided to “break up” and if it’s meant to be we will be back together. All I’ve been thinking about lately is her and I can’t seem to get her out of my head. It really hurts that this is the only option we have left. The thing that hurts the most is she has already met someone new after 2 weeks since we last spoke. I can’t understand after a 3 year relationship she is already hooking up with someone else. I don’t even have the urge to talk to other girls when I go out because I still think about her. Is this normal to already be seeing & hooking up with someone so soon after our break up? Is she ready to jump into another relationship, already? When I found this out it just killed me and I think it just makes getting back together a lot harder. I guess I think if she really cared about me she wouldn’t be hooking up with someone so soon. You can still go out with your friends and have a good time, but I don’t get why she needs another guy in her life so soon. It’s okay to be single for a bit. I would like to get some insight from the women on this board on why she is it that she’s doing this. The only option I have now is to move forward with my life. I want this hurt to go away and just start getting my life back in order. Do you guys have any tips to heal after a break up? How long does this process usually take? Thank you, olimits7
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 It takes as long as you like. Ask a girl out. Go out and meet some girls. Doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship with them. Your assignment this weekend is to go out and have GREAT FUN. You've got the rest of your life to cry about things that don't work out or NOT.
wlminfla Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Bro, I am right there with you on the agony. But for me, it was after six years together and we were almost engaged before she broke it off and is now dating my former roommate. I ask the question myself about how someone can do something like to me. The first response is right in that all we can do is to go out and have some GREAT FUN. Don't feel the need to start hooking up as soon as possible. Don't stoop to her level :-)
wlminfla Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 When I say "don't stoop to her level" I am referring to your ex-girlfriend, not the replier. Sorry for any confusion :-)
messed-mind Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Rebounding can happen for both people in my opinion. My ex of five years broke up with my last year, and about one month later she had someone new, was moving in with him in another part of the country and everything was perfect - love of her life. She called me to rub it in my face too, feeling that "she had moved on" and that it was time to talk. I was heartbroken that she had met someone so special, so soon. But through my social network, I found out it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and after the honeymoon period wore off, cracks started to show. She eventually moved back home, and told me that whilst there were lots of things she loved about him, she didn't love him and couldn't see herself being with him long term. Plus, living with him revealed flaws, she resented things like "he spent a lot of money on his car" and "he had no prospects in life". The big things that matter in a relationship. So, he got the boot after about three or so months. She realised she wasn't ready for something really serious so quickly. Your ex is probably feeling a bit lonely, so the feeling of "why not give it a try" is probably going through her mind. She probably does fancy him, but it's very early days of dating. He's probably a "get my ex off my mind rebound", you just don't know. People will move on after a relationship, but honey moon periods wear off. Personally, I wasn't over my five year ex for a good six months and after meeting someone new.
shipperman1965 Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Read my post and for some info thats relly good go to the relationship institute online and look up affair. Very useful for me
peprwpr Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 Its hard when the other one moves on so quickly. In my case, we were living together. When it became obvious that it wasnt working, I decided to move out. Neither one of us could afford where we were at on our own. I moved to my own place, he moved into a place with the girl that he was apparently seeing while living with me. I had my suspisions, but was not sure. I dont understand how he could move on so quickly. He still sends me Im"s in the night. When shes sleeping. Thats how it works with him. I am trying to go NC. I guess I'm just going to have to block him. I miss him. I am trying to heal. I understand your situation. I wish there were answers. But, I havent found them. Other than time heals. Or at least thats what i'm told.
Broken Heart T Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 My situation is just the same as olimits7.The difference is that we both dont have third party.Im alone right now and so does she.We been dating for 4 years and even plan to marry this year.However our problems still arise on and off.Our problems is our family.She does not like my family and her family does not respect me either. I am in more serious condition compare to you because we do lov each other even now but she decided to dump me because her family say so.She said she luv me very much after dumping me but rub in my face(within 4 days) and said she already move on and her love for me had faded away .Just imagine that someone you luv so much and said such a thing to you within 4 day. I beg and and pleaded before but she insisted her decision and putting alot of harsh words on me.She dont want to be as fren and we started NC later on.Its been 3 months since we apply NC.Last week she broke the NC and call me.Didnt say anything about us, not even an 'hello".She juz call and want me to give back the money(small amount) that I owe her.I thought when we apply NC means NC.Why does she call and juz want to take back the money??!! Eventually I gave the money back to her and not even a "thank you" from her.Juz imagine that this is the girl that I luv and sacrifice (want to be marry) and she treated me like that. Im sad really sad.By the way, im in depression mood right now.I treated her nicely even b4 brokeup or after brokeup because i still care and luv her but I also need some advice from you guys to help me to move on with my life.She really hurt me deeply.
bridget_jones Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I'm sorry. She must be really broke if a small amount of money was that important to get back. I highly recommend counseling, if you can afford it or your insurance covers it. My employer has an employee assistance program which helped me out immensely. They referred me to a great counselor.
Trialbyfire Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 I wish there was a formula to know when it was time to heal. This way I could calculate it and make plans accordingly, lol.
oppath Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 Time alone doesn't heal. It helps, but what you do with that time is what allows you to heal. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm hung up on a 6 month relationship that ended 3 months ago. I've had to make major life changes to help with this, even moving to a new town/new job (temporarily) to distract me and give me something positive to grasp. I'm online dating as a way to meet a few new people. I'm about to join several classes/sports. I need to fall in love with myself again. I "shouldn't" give her a thought, but like others, I have anxiety disorders and depression that keep me trapped. Time hardly helps. What helps is what I do with my time...put myself in situations where I meet new people and do things that I enjoy that stimulate me. Eventually, in time, this will heal me.
vertigo Posted April 2, 2007 Posted April 2, 2007 My girlfriend and I have been discussing the same issue now for over 2 ½ years. It would go away for some time, but then it would always get brought back up. Anyway, we decided that talking about it anymore wasn’t getting us anywhere; so we decided to “break up” and if it’s meant to be we will be back together. All I’ve been thinking about lately is her and I can’t seem to get her out of my head. It really hurts that this is the only option we have left. The thing that hurts the most is she has already met someone new after 2 weeks since we last spoke. I can’t understand after a 3 year relationship she is already hooking up with someone else. I don’t even have the urge to talk to other girls when I go out because I still think about her. Is this normal to already be seeing & hooking up with someone so soon after our break up? Is she ready to jump into another relationship, already? When I found this out it just killed me and I think it just makes getting back together a lot harder. I guess I think if she really cared about me she wouldn’t be hooking up with someone so soon. You can still go out with your friends and have a good time, but I don’t get why she needs another guy in her life so soon. It’s okay to be single for a bit. I would like to get some insight from the women on this board on why she is it that she’s doing this. The only option I have now is to move forward with my life. I want this hurt to go away and just start getting my life back in order. Do you guys have any tips to heal after a break up? How long does this process usually take? Thank you, olimits7 Dude, I feel your pain...I have had the same thing happen to me and can't for the life of me understand how that can happen. If a person is really in love with someone I don't see how that is possible, and I have the same questions as yourself. I myself could not even think of being with someone else so soon, when someone meant the world to me. I guess us guys just can't figure out what women are thinking, or we just got suckered into thinking they actually loved us. which is what anyone would love to feel. Sorry I can't give any useful advice myself because I am in the same boat as you are. I guess all we can do is move on and hope for the best.
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