BettyBoo Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 My partner of four years has got his divorce yesterday. I am feeling quite annoyed and let down at the moment as to the terms. There are no children involved and she ended the relationship as she was having an affair. They have been living apart for eight years.The terms were that she got the house plus a lump sum and he is paying maintenance. The annoying part of this was that this was a settlement they reached . My partner said he was frustrated and just wanted the whole thing over. I just am shocked about him agreeing to pay her maintenance as I feel this is bringing her into our future lives together. I thought the divorce would put this realtionship in the past where it belongs instead now it is part and parcel of our future. I am at the stage where I feel I can't live with this. I do want a compromised lifestyle by supporting a woman who clearly is capable of working. I own my own house and I am a professional. If I marry him he will now automatically have half my house . It had been my hope that he would get half the value of his own house and that we would buy a house together. I feel all my hopes have been dashed. I could live with that but the maintenance is just the last straw. HELP.....
batterup401 Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Betty, I can't say I am an expert, because I am having problem's in my marriage, but if I was you, and you really care for this guy, then stick it out. First of all, if I get remarried, I will definatly get a pre-nup, and I would suggest you do so if you do marry him. Your house is your house, and he should not get any part of it. I am not sure of the maintenance part, but I would also figure in that as to a fiancial agreement that both of you work out in a pre nup. Hopefully you can work it out. Good luck.
LakesideDream Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 After eight years of fighting I can understand how your SO would be tired of it. The truth is that men are at a huge disadvantage in family courts still. Your case is a good example of that. If you don't want a "compromised life style" with a man who loves you, end it. I doubt he will put up much resistance, he's "fought out". The term "compromised life style" is a curious one. I stayed in a difficult marriage for an "extra" fifteen years, living an extremely "compromised life style" in order to raise to fine children to the best of my ablility. I suppose we all face "compromises" in life.
Author BettyBoo Posted April 1, 2007 Author Posted April 1, 2007 To update you. We sat down and had a heart to heart. I suppose we were both stressed out with the whole thing and our reactions to the settlement were both of disappointment. However after talking we know that we love each other dearly and want to be together and that the frustrations of his divorce was getting to us both. So we have decided a plan - we are getting married. We are going to put the whole mess behind us and focus on our future. We can celebrate our future properly. Lakeside I do think we all have to compromise in relationships but it is more what we compromise that is important. I will never compromise my own value system for a relationship and it was important to me to sort talk things through so that I culd move forward and not be resentful. Congratulations on rearing your children well. To protect my own assets I am going to get a pre nup as I know I never want to go through a divorce like his. It was awful
LakesideDream Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 Betty, I am happy it's working out! As for the pre-nup... why not? I'm sure neither of you are kids, and have may individual assets. When I was much younger, I couldn't understand the concept of pre-nups. I thought if a couple were building a life together, it should be a total team effort, in all ways. As I have grown older, and hopefully matured a bit, I have become much more accepting. IF I was lucky enough to fall in love with a lady, and she with me... and if she had lots of assets I would understand completely her concern for keeping assets seperate. I'm sure she would want her children to inherit, as would I. Turns out that having the good fortune to actually love and care for someone is much more important to me than possible future distribution of assets!
Author BettyBoo Posted April 1, 2007 Author Posted April 1, 2007 . Turns out that having the good fortune to actually love and care for someone is much more important to me than possible future distribution of assets! Lakeside, I could not agree more . I know I have been very blessed and the only asset I want to protect is my home. When I divorced myself I asked for nothing. I felt that marriage was about love and there was no way I was going to turn it into scrum for cash! Now that I am older I think that a pre nup is probably the best way to avoid any future hassle. If someone has a problem with that then just imagine what they would be like in a divorce. I am fortunate to have met a very decent and good man whose only weakness was allowing his goodness to be exploited by a woman who treated him very badly. I wish you luck and I am sure you will meet someone very special someday soon.
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