Guest Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 after this relationship that i was in for a long while, i literally have no self esteem left. i feel like nobody will ever want me and that im a complete waste of time. this person cheated and was emotionaly abusive to me. i really feel so low that i cant describe it. how do i stop feeliing this way? i dont know how much more of it i can take...they told me that i would never be able to find anyone else like them but that i was a complete waste of time... and that i wasnt as good as some other random chic. i really feel as if no matter what relationship i get into in the future, i will not be worth sticking around for. he told me that he was sick of having sex with me and that it was like screwing a rag doll...i tried so hard to make our sex life interesting (seriously, i know some girls say that but i honestly did...is it normal for him to still complain and only want it his way?) but he always was very controlling and told me i was a slut for wanting to try certain things. we were only together a year. i dont know how much more of this verbal abuse i can take. we are no longer together because he broke up with me, but im still not over it. i feel like there is no one else that will care for me and if they do, they will get bored of me after a year, like he did. i am so sad, i cant even express it. whenever i think of getting over it and moving on with my life, the only reason why i feel this way is because then maybe i can show him how ive improved and then he'll take me back.
Guest Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Hey there. Well I am on the other end of the spectrum here. My girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me because she found someone else and the "passion" was not there anymore. I knew that the sex had dwindled down to a boring once a week activity but that was both of our faults. I had tried several times to bring new things into the relationship to try and make it better but it just didn't work. She was not willing to work on it or even put the time aside to try. Basically what I am saying is that you did nothing wrong and the fact that you were willing to work on things to save the relationship shows truly the type of person you are. Get out there and meet some new people. You will find someone who will respect you and make you happy. The fact that you know relationships take work will help you in the future. Forget about this jacka$$ who didn't appreciate you. Good Luck!
wlminfla Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 4 simple words....THIS GUYS AN ******* :-) Sweetie, I have been there and done that...still am to be honest with you. I was in a relationship for over six years that was full of deception of ridicule, and yes...she broke up with me. But back to you, this is probably the worst you will ever feel about this and I know it's making you hurt in every fiber of your body. What I hope you will do right now is to call up one or two friends and just go hang out with them. Try to laugh if you can, eat something, and just be yourself with them. Early and immediate forms of acceptance are critical and great in times like this. Trust me, it's not over for you. The guy is a loser!
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Words can't express what a complete loser your ex is. His emotional abuse of you is so blatant. What a control freak and I mean FREAK. If anyone can't find a better mate, it will be him. You are so lucky to be free of someone so detrimental to you as a person. Not only that, but the fact that you are able to see through him now and no longer have to put up with his crap. Enjoy your freedom.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 This guy has issues. He will never be any different. Anyone who comes along in the future will eventually be treated as he has treated you. This is not about you and we can tell you that til the cows come home but it will take some time until it sinks through. You have been through and abusive situation and the last thing you need now is to look toward a man for acceptance. Spend time with your girlfriends, family, sisters. Forget about men until YOU feel good being YOU. Once the pain and anger and self-doubt have faded THEN men will be attracted to you. The truth is that you couldn't do WORSE than him!!! Not even if you tried. Find out what makes you happy. Do some things to make you feel good about YOURSELF. Do not (and I know its hard) obssess about him. You couldn't have fixed him and he will be someone elses problem soon. Learn self love. YOU are fine, when you are OVER this there are plenty of men out there. For now have some fun. Hell, if you can't do think of anything else to do, get dolled up and go to the local walmart and watch how many men check you out!!! You are not allowed to define yourself by him. He is a sick man. GOOD RIDDANCE!!!! Good luck to you, register here and keep us posted on your improvements.
polywog Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 I agree with all the other posters, this guy is a freak a*****e beyond describing . You, dear, are soooo lucky to be free of him tho it hurts like h*ll right now. He probably broke up with you because he was afraid you'd realize what a m*******er he is. Think about going into counseling. It's a tool that will get you going, get you strong, and heal the pain and get your well-deserved sense of self back. And you'll see how to never ever let this happen again. Hugs to you, I will be sending my best vibes your way. You can do this, I know it... PS-join LS, and keep posting; there is awesome advice and support here, I know from experience!
Pian0_Goddess Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Oh honey, never let another man disrespect and belittle you like that! You have allowed him to get away with murder and your pride. He is only projecting his low self-esteem onto you, in reality he is the one that feels that he isn't worth sticking around for because he is a cheater, a dog in a other words. Hold your head up high and KNOW that you are worth everything. Men will get away with as much as you let them. Move on from that bastard and focus on bettering your life, on things that make you happy and feel good about yourself. One more thing, don't ever take him back, because there is someone just around the corner that actually deserves you.
Confused5433 Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I completely understand you....I didn't have such an abusive relationship with my ex, but he did and said some terrible things that made me feel that it was me not him(all my posts are about him). WAKE UP!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!!! The problem here is that you haven't experienced Real Love. This relationship is all you know and all you think you will have. But it's not true. The best advice I can tell you is to stop remembering the good times, remember every bad thing he did and say this to yourself like you mean it: "Never in my life will I ever let anyone treat me or make me feel less than the amazing person I am" (Because you truly are) You will realize that as much as you love him, you can never make a living with someone like that. Forgive him for everything he did and PLEASE let him go, or you will keep experiencing the same treatment over and over again. Trust me. Then...start with you. Little by little, BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF, get your life back together. Focus on who you are right now (a great person that just went through a learning experience and that WILL get her life back together) Then start picking up all the pieces, put them together and fix how you feel inside. Go out with friends, read great books (the Alchemist), look outside your door and see the sky, nature, LIFE!!! Be happy, that you are alive with us, healthy and still with energy to fix your life. Forget everything he said, he's not worth it, poor guy he has ALOT to learn about life. You on the other hand will be stronger, get everything back together, and in those times when you have healed you will see that great people will come your way, you will attract them. BUt take care of yourself first, it's very important. And never feel bad about the past because without our experiences and mistakes and heartbreaks and even negative thoughts, we would never be able to learn greater things in life, like having faith in God, becoming a better person, appreciating what great things we do have. You might feel he took your self-estem because you BELIEVED him. Why? Think about that, who in the world is he to treat you that way and say if you are good or not. NO!! Go above the situation, and feel sorry for a person that has such a rotten soul. Ask God to help him, and just move on....with time things get better. I can go on and on, but I'll stop here. I hope it makes sense and keep posting. We have all gone through somethings similar and we are all here to help bring each other up. You will get your self-esteem back, feel better than ever and find someone that will show you the true meaning of love....IN THIS YOU SHOULD BELIEVE.
Confused5433 Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 one last thing I forgot to mention... You won't get better to show him, you will get better to show YOURSELF that you are an amazing, caring, strong individual that endured so much but brushed it off and got her love for life back together. You will and the Great Guy will love you for ALL of you and everything you do.
Mustang1984 Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 I also understand the feeling you are having. Just know that these are very normal to have. I had a 5 year relationship that was much the same as you described yours. She was never happy, always complained, and was very unromantic. In fact the last 3 of the 5 years she never really wanted to be romantic or intimate that much at all. Its been 6 months and I'm still no where near being over her. She still trys to email me against my wishes telling me about all the wonderful and romantic things her and her new boyfriend do. I had low self estem before I met her, but thought that being with her fixed that. After all, my only wish in life i to have someone great like I thought I had. Now after she left me even though I was wonderful to her, I am worse than ever. Sometimes I find myself wanting to just go outside and scream and run and run and run forever. I also have feelings of no one ever wanting me. Most of all, I am scared to put so much love and care into a long term relationship only to have someone get board and leave. Its terrifying I know. You will meet a great guy however who will love you for the person you are. You seem like such a wonderful girl, who just met a loser who idnt appreciate what he had.
LakesideDream Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 Self Esteem is a natural feeling a person doesen't even notice when things are going well. In times of failure, business, personal, romantic, when we find ourselfs having feelings of doubt about decision making and personal image, our "self esteem" suffers. When you begin enjoying success again, your "self esteem" will return. Go out and shop the Mall girl, take note of the males watching you... you are not Raggety Ann! Let that bounce in your step return... a smile, a good deed, a little volunteering, will go miles toward getting back to your "true self".
Grrlish Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 Guest/Original Poster, pardon the directness that follows but: While this guy sounds like a major pr*ck, but he did not stomp out your self-esteem. You handed it to him. What little you had to begin with. If you had much to begin with, you wouldn’t have spent an entire year with someone like that. You don’t hand over your self-esteem to someone and it is not dependent upon how someone else treats you. Just like your character. You, my dear, need to spend some serious time and expend some serious energy learning to love yourself. Get some counseling – some therapy. Now. If you really want to be happier, you need to figure out why you think so little of yourself to allow someone to affect your feelings about yourself to this degree. If YOU are not happy with certain things about yourself, then change them. It really is that simple, you know. Just make up your mind to start changing whatever those things are…right this very second. Then, do it. People love to own the things about themselves that result in self-loathing, problems, stress, conflict…whatever. I’m talking emotionally, mentally, and physically. When your eyes open every morning, no matter what thoughts are going on in your head, say outloud: It’s going to be a good day. Look in the mirror and no matter what thoughts are going on in your head, say outloud: I’m Bee-YOO-tiful! Every time you think something negative about anything, STOP…and say something good outloud. It’s time to cut those old tapes up into pieces and start recording new ones. If you sit back and can’t think of anything – anything at all – that you want to change about yourself, then ask yourself why you’re not loving yourself. Step one: Therapy. Good luck. And remember: You have to love yourself before anyone else will.
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