Should I stay or should I Go?

[Pian0_Goddess]

I have been seriously involved with a man twice my age. I was 18 when we met and very idealistic when it came to love. I fell head over heals in love with him and despite his hesitance to be with someone so young, he fell in love with me too. After a couple weeks of knowing him I was telling everyone I knew I met my soul-mate and the man of my dreams, after two months of being with him I told him I wanted to marry him.

 

Now we have been together a year and a half and I'm very undecisive about whether or not we should be together anymore. After about eight months our relationshiop took a nose dive as a result of a few lies I told him about Ex's I was still friends with, telling him they were nothing more than friends, which was true at the time, but I neglected to tell him our history.

 

However, the one thing that really ruined our relationship was him finding out I was attracted to one of his friends while he was out of town, and I briefly told another one his friends, and word got back to the guy I was attracted to. Long story short, my boyfriend and I ran into this guy and it was quite awkward. He found out 6 months after the fact and it has been 9 months since he found out, and he still has yet to move on and accept such an ego-bruiser. He never trusts me, because I have lied, and due to my ugly past, he thinks I'm a whore whenever he's not around.

 

I recently broke up with him due to some high-drama events and got back together with halfway. I'm afraid to get back together with him all of the way, because he tends to be emotionally and psychologically abusive, and doesn't trust me whatsoever. He says he doesn't want to break-up with me and really wants to change and make things work. I just am unsure if I am capable of being what he needs, he is a lot older and has high expectations. However, he says that I am the woman that he loves and wants to marry, despite our issues, that he will learn to just expect less from me. I don't know. What should I do?