Why does it have to be so hard

[persistant]

Why does letting go have to be so hard?

 

Why does it seem like when I pray for release I don't see a way?

 

Why is it that we can make changes in our lives to better ourselves and gain what we want elsewhere and giving up what we internally want doesn't leave us alone?

 

I know we can't control other people we can only control ourselves and make choices to be happy. So why is it so hard to do this?

 

why is it when we want something so bad and we can't have what we want feel like we can't do anything successful to let go?

 

Why do people lie to themselves and those who love them suffer because of it?

 

I know time heals everything but what if it doesn't?

 

How long is too long?

 

I had what I wanted and I lost it because I've been insecure, made reactive choices, and have been impatient.

 

I cry when I go to sleep, I wake up crying at night, I wake up crying in the morning. I want this to stop.

 

Its been 2 years of ups and downs over my heart.

 

Counceling, anti-depressants, praying, and self-help reading are not easing this.

 

I don't know what else I can do.. God help me.

[persistant]

I've only once had this problem before and it took almost 12 years to get over it and its been about 9 years since I did that.

 

Once again I'm tormented with what seems to be another loss.

God, I don't want to be in this situation again.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Keep the faith.

 

It will get better. Believe in yourself, and be who you want to be. Love yourself first. If you don't love who you are, then why would you expect anyone else to?

 

Keep the faith, and believe.

[empty906]

My opinions and answers to your questions:

 

Why does letting go have to be so hard? Because you are removing something you deeply attached to and fear letting go of that attachment because of the emptiness it will leave behind. In your mind, right now, it feels like less pain will come from hanging on than you will experience if you completely let go.

 

Why does it seem like when I pray for release I don't see a way? I think it's because you really, truly don't want to see this take place and your heart just isn't in it.

 

Why is it that we can make changes in our lives to better ourselves and gain what we want elsewhere and giving up what we internally want doesn't leave us alone? Because of the risks we are faced with. We like those things that give us comfort and make us feel secure. It comes down to where we are placing our trust and what we are relying on to provide for us the things we need.

 

I know we can't control other people we can only control ourselves and make choices to be happy. So why is it so hard to do this? Why is it so hard to make the choice to be happy? Depends on what it's going to take to make you happy. If you aren't going to be satisfied with what you have you are going to tell yourself exactly what you are missing and, if you had it, that it would bring the happiness you desire.

 

why is it when we want something so bad and we can't have what we want feel like we can't do anything successful to let go? You don't want to let go. 'Want to' has a great deal to do with your personal fulfillment. You will do what you want to do; what you convince yourself to do.

 

Why do people lie to themselves and those who love them suffer because of it? The truth is either too difficult to face or you know it is unobtainable and aren't ready to accept it.

 

I know time heals everything but what if it doesn't? You know, sometimes it just doesn't. Sometimes you end up having to carry it with you when you are ready to move on.

 

How long is too long? There isn't a 'too long'. Every one of us is different and all our situations are unique. Don't put pressure on yourself to meet a standard set by someone else. You can work through your struggle in your own time and in your own way.

 

I had what I wanted and I lost it because I've been insecure, made reactive choices, and have been impatient.

 

I cry when I go to sleep, I wake up crying at night, I wake up crying in the morning. I want this to stop.

 

Its been 2 years of ups and downs over my heart.

 

Counceling, anti-depressants, praying, and self-help reading are not easing this.

 

I don't know what else I can do.. God help me.

 

Two years, huh? What's up? That's a lot of time to pass and lots of thinking time. What's going on in your mind?

[persistant]

Life crashes and it also grows.

 

Mine sure did.

 

After 2 years of being so mesmerized by a man (Guy 1) it has came to a complete end. I had much revelation come to my face the past week.

 

Guy 1 is not whom I thought he was. He lied, manipulated, played games and never was true to me when we were together.

 

Guy 2 came into my life when I was ready to move on from Guy 1 and circumstances broke us apart and I went after Guy 1.

 

Guy 2 never gave up hope on me. I found out recently that he hired a PI last July to track me on occasions when he thought I was acting and speaking out of character for me. He suspected I was in contact with Guy 1 and believed I was lying about it. So, he pined a tail on me.

 

Guy 2 learned about Guy 1 activities against me. Guy 2 figured it would only be a matter of time for me to figure out and find out that Guy 1 wasn't really into me and that he had other women coming and going out of his house on the weekends and such.

 

I was so emotionally involved with Guy 1 that I couldn't see anything past my feelings for him. I wasn't catching on. I tried to keep away from Guy 1 but my attraction and desires for him were so intense that for the past 3 months I failed to keep my distance 2-3 times. (Thats 1x per mth). Guy 2 couldn't hold back anymore and unloaded some of what he knew on me. I was devastated and tried to explain away his information. Nothing I could come up held factual. I began to put two-n-two together of guy 1 and I for the past 2 years.

 

I set out one day to do my own research by going to the country court houses in the area and doing background checks. (I didn't find anything on him illegal that held fast.) Guy 2 even escorted me to one court house and was shocked I didn't find anything on Guy 1. As desperate as Guy 2 has been in me discovering on my own something against Guy 1 I knew what he knew must be true. His time lines, my activity, his reports from the PI and my journal of Guy 1 fit together like a puzzle.

 

2 years I have expended my emotions, energy, time, respect, character and dignity to Guy 1 only to find out he is bottom-feeder.

 

I was upset with Guy 2 for doing what he did and not coming clean with me sooner BUT if I was in his shoes, had his resources and intelligence and his faith I would have done the same thing if I cared about someone like he does me.

 

Guy 2 held his information for months and months hoping I would figure things out myself.

He never gave up on me no matter what I did or how much I pushed him away out of confusion and being distracted.

I told him he had every right to give up on me and he said 'NO, you are worth it."

He gave me time to figure out Guy 1 on my own and I wasn't doing a good job of it.

I was settling and sacrificing myself (my wants and needs) to hold onto the dream that would never come true. I have been disillusioned.

 

I don't want to be with a man who has to make excuses not to see me while he goes out and messes around with other women.

 

I believed his excuses for 2 years. I accepted his excuses and stories for 2 years. I was disillusioned.

 

I'm not alone. Guy 2 has always been here through all my disillusionment, even my betrayal against him. He said he has forgiven me for what I have done. He said he understands why I have done what I've done.

 

Love blinds. I'm very lucky that Guy 2 is understanding, patient, forgiving, kind, and loving.

[empty906]

All this new info about Guy1 just come to you here recently, in the past few days?

[norajane]

It may be hard to come to terms with the truth about guy 1, but you are pretty damned lucky to even have guy 2. Most of us have to cope with finding out about our guy 1's without the comfort of a guy 2 who obviously loves you. THERE is your happiness - someone who is looking out for you and who is forgiving of you. Take that happiness with both hands and don't look back to guy 1, ever.

[persistant]

Yes, all this just came to me recently.

Two years of hopes, dreams, wants, wishes, encounters, struggles, forgiveness and listening to his excuses. The excuses were lies for the most part.

 

I believed in him, I had faith in him.

I was so stupid, neive and blind.

 

I didn't give Guy 2 a fair chance because Guy 1 was my ideal. I was crazy about him. Absolutely head over heels.

 

Guy 2 only came into my life because Guy 1 hurt my feelings a few months after we got involved and I over-reacted to the situation instead of talking to him about it. (My teenage streak(rebel) came out. hahaha so-to-speak). I jumped into playing with other men to dull the pain I was feeling. That is how Guy 2 came into my life. Then I realized Guy 2 wasn't over his xgf ,whom he was last involved with the day before we met. I rebelled again, only this time against guy 2 and pushed him away only to end up back in Guy 1 arms again. I felt like I had come home to where I was suppose to always be.

 

Guy 2 wouldn't give up on me. He called me at least once a week or texted messaged me to make sure I didn't forget him and to make me aware he was still interested in me. At times I savored his attention and other times I dispised him for interferring in my life. What I didn't know was that he knew that Guy 1 had other women on the side and was waiting for me to realize it on my own. 10 months later I wasn't realizing it and he couldn't stand seeing me confused, hurt, pushed away by Guy 1 excuses he had to work when he really wanted time to play with his other women..

 

I didn't sleep well last night because my dreams were all about confronting Guy 1 --seeking answers to why he decieved me for 2 years. My dreams are waking me up at night and I hurt inside for feeling betrayed, used, manipulated and lied too. I find myself doubting my own value and I fight to not self-abuse myself with degrading thoughts and even comments.

I can hear my fathers words ring though my ears and I'm fighting to shut them out. "Your a no good for nothing son-of-a-bioytch and you wont' amount to anything. No one gives a d*mn about you and not one cares what you think or feel."

I'm fighting self-degradetion.

I keep telling myself this is not my fault. I am better then this.

I'm a good person. He was the one who did wrong.

I'm worthy of love. He is a user.

I will succeed in love. He can't stop me.

I will be happy. He isn't.

 

I can't see my counselor anymore because I don't have insurance. I don't have a job for that fact.

Without Guy 2 I would be so much worse off then I am.

He is my rock.

 

Now I pray that I can find it in my heart to love him and be as crazy about him as I was about Guy 1. I don't know if I will ever feel as connected but I can hope and pray for it. He has always been here for me no matter what.

I know he is only human and humans can only take so much BS. I believe he is maxed out on patience, understanding and forgiveness. He deserves to have what he wants.

Now, I need to heal from Guy 1 and see where Guy 2 really stands in my heart.

My distraction is now gone. I need to heal and focus with what is real and see what I should do with reality.

[whichwayisup]

Honeybunny - You need to move past both Guy1 and Guy2. Neither of them deserve you and to be honest, I don't think either of them are healthy for you. Just look at your past 2 years......

 

Time to wipe the slate clean and find someone new (when the time is right) and don't look back. They are your past, with some good memories, but alot of pain and suffering.

 

I hope you are doing alright and are taking care of yourself...Try to enjoy the little things in life, focus on your son, your friends and most of all, looking out for YOU!

 

Hugs!

[bridget_jones]

Isn't that a better problem than if he was too soft? JK