to OW--do your children know MM?

[sadbuttrue]

i was just wondering for those OW that have children, if they have let their children meet MM?

 

i have kids, and they do not know anything about MM. MM does not want to see my kids because he is afraid of the questions they may ask. i have never introduced my kids to anyone that i have dated. there has never been anyone i was that serious about.

 

we talk about our kids (he has 2 himself, i have 4) it seems so strange to have such an intimate R with someone and yet you can not introduce your kids to them.

[Guest]

Yes, My child know, but she is o19, Noway of hiding it from her, but she is not happy about it,

[Jinxx]

Yup! My daughter hangs out with his daughter. My daughter knows XMM very well and probably sees him more than I do these days. All of our kids (his two, my two) have no idea the relationship we shared.

[VinaAmez]

i was just wondering for those OW that have children, if they have let their children meet MM?

 

i have kids, and they do not know anything about MM. MM does not want to see my kids because he is afraid of the questions they may ask. i have never introduced my kids to anyone that i have dated. there has never been anyone i was that serious about.

 

we talk about our kids (he has 2 himself, i have 4) it seems so strange to have such an intimate R with someone and yet you can not introduce your kids to them.

That's part of keeping it a secret.

[Babybird]

My kids have met him like when he gave me a ride to work because my car was totaled, and when he game to the little league game to watch 'his buddies son' play. They don't know who he is to me though. They think I have a secret boyfriend.

 

I have met his son a few times and obviously he doesn't know who I am to his dad.

[sadbuttrue]

i guess it is better for the kids not to know, due to the unstable nature of some of these relationships, but i was just wondering how it worked if they did know the MM.

[stillhere]

Yes, my daughter has met my MM. In fact, she has a crush on him!! She does not know that we are together. She knows that i work with him and she plays with his children occassionally.

 

Like SBT, i won't introduce her to any man unless i'm serious about him. I make sure she is not home when he comes around.

 

He adores her, and she feels the same. He always pays a lot of attention to her when we are in a neutral setting. Other than that, he's just a man that mommy works with.

[GreenEyedLady]

My children met him once...they know all about him because when we started, I believed he was single...so I never hid that I was dating him and they were curious to know who mommy always talked too...

[memories]

My children knew MM before we were together (since we were neighbors) our children always played together. We have since moved out of state (I still see him, they just have no clue).

[outofdarkness]

i was just wondering for those OW that have children, if they have let their children meet MM?

 

i have kids, and they do not know anything about MM. MM does not want to see my kids because he is afraid of the questions they may ask. i have never introduced my kids to anyone that i have dated. there has never been anyone i was that serious about.

 

we talk about our kids (he has 2 himself, i have 4) it seems so strange to have such an intimate R with someone and yet you can not introduce your kids to them.

My H took our kids on outings numerous times over the 10 year period with his main OW...possibly the others, but I only know about her. He told them not to tell Mommy b/c she would get very upset...It was torture for them for many years, particularly our son, to have to hold something like this in...He knew something was very wrong, but was way too young to process it. They were 2 and 3 when the A started, they are now 15 and 16...Our son doesn't remember anything about her b/c the outings stopped once my H realized they were getting too old to "keep the secret"...I can't say that just b/c they don't remember, it did not adversely effect them...It most certainly did...Kids always tend to blame themselves, and this is horrible. IMO, it's really a cruel thing to do to involve kids w/ an A...Yes, I understand that some of the kids may have been friends before the A started, but some havn't been, and processing the thought of your Dad having another woman other then Mommy that he is affectionate with and spends time with in a way that is more then friendly, is wrong IMO...

[PoshPrincess]

My H took our kids on outings numerous times over the 10 year period with his main OW...possibly the others, but I only know about her. He told them not to tell Mommy b/c she would get very upset...It was torture for them for many years, particularly our son, to have to hold something like this in...He knew something was very wrong, but was way too young to process it. They were 2 and 3 when the A started, they are now 15 and 16...Our son doesn't remember anything about her b/c the outings stopped once my H realized they were getting too old to "keep the secret"...I can't say that just b/c they don't remember, it did not adversely effect them...It most certainly did...Kids always tend to blame themselves, and this is horrible. IMO, it's really a cruel thing to do to involve kids w/ an A...Yes, I understand that some of the kids may have been friends before the A started, but some havn't been, and processing the thought of your Dad having another woman other then Mommy that he is affectionate with and spends time with in a way that is more then friendly, is wrong IMO...

 

My God, OOD, that is AWFUL. Your poor kids! That must have been so hard for them to deal with. I was in my 20s when my Dad told me he was leaving my Mum (and not for someone else) but even that was hard for me to keep to myself until the 'time was right' for him to tell here (like there ever is a right time!) It is unbelievably selfish for someone to put young kids into that position. Obviously cheating anyway is disloyal, sneaky and selfish but that just makes things 10 times worse. I'm stunned, although I know of someone who's husband did the same.

 

As an exOW I never introduced my son to MM. He met him once (after we'd finished) and spoke to him on the phone a couple of times but never knew who he was (my son was only 2 at the time anyway). I would never have introduced MM to him unless our R had become exclusive and I knew (as much as one can know) that it was going to be more permanent. Just as well!

 

I never met MMs kids and wouldn't have wanted to - well, I wouldn't even have considered putting them in that position and neither would he. At the time we thought we would be together and he never wanted them to know that he was leaving their Mum for me. In any case, I wanted him to leave because he wanted to, not because of me. If he HAD left and his family had known why, it would have made things even harder for them to accept (IMO) and I suppose he didn't want them to think badly of me, not that I would have deserved any different.

[rdnkgrl31]

Well both of my sons have met my MM. A "friend" of mine told them he was M. That was uncomfortable, but I had to explain to my kids that we were friends. My oldest son doesn't like the fact that he is married, my youngest is cool w/ it, he likes him alot. I have never met his son.

[Ruby Tuesday]

My kids were used as cover for the affair. He had also told them " don't tell mommy or she will be mad at YOU and she will punish YOU "

 

They kept their daddy's secret until one day, when I found OW's child's coat in the truck and there was a Property of: OW's Daughter on the tag for god's sakes. This was several months after d-day. Our relationship was at it's lowest point and severly bruised and beaten up as it was. Things didnt need to get any worse, but it did. It's just dropped on you like a ton of bricks.

 

I got the deny deny deny game, "Oh, you really are crazy! I'm not seeeing her! That was from last year!" Like the yelling and the bullying me is supposed to put me off his trail. It's all guff. I'm not intimidated.

 

So, having had enough, I asked my kids (who were with him when he was gone over the weekend) and they blabbed everything. In a big woosh of air they have been holding in for almost a year.

 

"He told us not to tell..."

 

They knew it was wrong. Even at thier little age they knew it was wrong. But there was nothing they could do. They were just babies compared to him. He is in his 40's, he knew better. They just had to do what they were told to do, but covering your affair is something you should never have to ask your kid to do for you.

 

The only reason he even took them anywhere, even to the park was to meet the OW. He used them. He brainwashed them into thinking this is was for them (parks, swimming pools, pizza hut trips) and that it was alright as long as mom never found out about OW. He told the OW that they had to keep their A under wraps in case we divorced because I would go for everything, he said.

 

Then theres always the times they remember things ' out of the blue ' and will tell me, like when we're in the car going to school.

 

My son remembered something and said " Mom, one time, dad left a note in the OW's car when she was at work. " and how he drove to her parking lot with them in the car and did this. Like they are stupid and cant see or hear things.

 

There are things they tried refusing to go to OW's on their own, but they were told " OW is my friend and you will go where I say you'll go. "

 

My son has also remembered a time they were kissing. He actually brought that memory up in front of his father and his father denied it and said he was lying.

 

He looked at me and said "I'm not lying mom." and I said, I know you aren't lying, son." and looked at FWS, who quietly was avoiding my smoldering, murderous gaze at his lying, cheating face. You cant argue about this in front of the kids either.

 

I'll say something like, "Thanks for telling me that, son" and try really hard to let it go. Change the subject. Drive on. Be cool. Don't allow yourself to cry in front of them.

 

While I try to maintain my composure, they chatter up a storm about their little kid things and I'll tell ya what it is like. I am (quietly) caving in on the inside at this new discovery. Thinking what a betrayal this is (even this small) where was I when he did this. Another ton of bricks, right, but I take all of them and build a wall around me and the kids to protect myself.

 

Anyway, I realize this is rare, but the OW would be wise to keep her own children out of the affair and don't get too involved in the MM's kids either, because some lines just should never be crossed.

[puddleofmud]

Arf! How awful that children were involved. I am so sad to hear about this and I can only imagine the work of healing it must be taking for those who have children who were placed in this kind of situation?

It is well proven to be very damaging for a child to be burdened with adult's emotional affairs of any kind. Children should be allowed to be CHILDREN and not an adult's emotional refuge or have their head's played by an adult.

Children derive their emotional health from stability. Adults are all powerful and to be trusted and are to provide that stability.

Children are very sensitive and aren't stupid so I would agree that its best to keep them well away from such things. Even the most innocuous meetings could be charged with things they pick up on.

Adults are grown and make their own choices whereas children have none so one could only hope that they would be considered innocent parties and never put in this type of situation.

[outofdarkness]

Arf! How awful that children were involved. I am so sad to hear about this and I can only imagine the work of healing it must be taking for those who have children who were placed in this kind of situation?

It is well proven to be very damaging for a child to be burdened with adult's emotional affairs of any kind. Children should be allowed to be CHILDREN and not an adult's emotional refuge or have their head's played by an adult.

Children derive their emotional health from stability. Adults are all powerful and to be trusted and are to provide that stability.

Children are very sensitive and aren't stupid so I would agree that its best to keep them well away from such things. Even the most innocuous meetings could be charged with things they pick up on.

Adults are grown and make their own choices whereas children have none so one could only hope that they would be considered innocent parties and never put in this type of situation.

very well said. I wish I could have composed my post to say this very thing...Thanks for a great post that really hit home for me..Especially the part about children picking up on things...Just the "vibe" or sexually charged atmosphere regarding an A can be damaging for kids.

[Fortune'sFool]

yes my 10 yr old daughter met MM and they get a long very well.. and i also have a 1yr old daughter w/MM

[puddleofmud]

OOD: you always say things more than well and I look very forward to each and every one of your posts.

Though, I am for the most part, a patient and compassionate individual I shall no longer read nor shall I post within this thread.

Simply because when children are involved my patience ENDS and I've no compassion for adults who do not take the best welfare of their children to heart.

Should I continue to post in this thread I may become quite monsterous in my judgement.

[outofdarkness]

OOD: you always say things more than well and I look very forward to each and every one of your posts.

Though, I am for the most part, a patient and compassionate individual I shall no longer read nor shall I post within this thread.

Simply because when children are involved my patience ENDS and I've no compassion for adults who do not take the best welfare of their children to heart.

Should I continue to post in this thread I may become quite monsterous in my judgement.

Thanks for the post, I really appreciate it. Yeah, I know what ya mean about threads about this subject...When the kids come up, it's heartwrenching!!! It's taken me a long time to be able to even THINK about let alone talk about it without totally stuffing it and getting sick to my stomach....Thanks again...I enjoy your posts too!!!

[Freedom Now]

Yes, my xMM met all of my kids...and they loved him. I don't introduce my children to every man I date, but I thought my MM was THE ONE, so I introduced all of them to him. Now, of course, when I did this, I didn't know that he was married.

 

He loved my kids...flew them with me to travel with him, bought them gifts, called them and talked with them....the works.

 

When he visited me here, he always had their favorite snacks and drinks waiting for them in the resort. He really was quite a charmer.

 

Yeah....

 

then he told me he was married and then the nightmare began.

 

Imagine having to explain THAT to all of my kids.

 

Yeah, it was a fun time....

 

And needless to say, they are less than impressed with him and absolutely horrified that he did that to their mom.

 

But we're all better now.

 

Once I got rid of HIM, the pain and suffering stopped ~ for ALL of us.

 

(And as for his kids, I have seen pictures of them, he has called me when he has been traveling with them, he spoke frequently about them, but, of course, they know nothing about me. Lucky them. Of course, my kids didn't get off so easily...)

[Impudent Oyster]

Your kids are your business (even though I think it's an incredibly bad idea to introduce them to MM), but if you ever want to send a BW over the edge, just get near MM's kids...It's one thing to poach another woman's husband, but her kids? You should fear for your life if you try to get near them...