2sunny Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Well, why not just be a good friend and be a good listener? As a friend we don't always have to give our personal opinion or advice... sometimes our friends don't really want to hear our advice - they just need to vent a bit... Maybe just acknowledge the friends' feelings by saying "I am sorry you are in this situation" or something to that effect... Just a thought.
RecordProducer Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Let's just say I am past 70 I LOVE wise and experienced people. I'd hang out with 70-year olds anytime if they could offer a good conversation. This is platonic, of course, being that I am 32. Well, why not just be a good friend and be a good listener? Good advice.
Kenzo Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Does it really matter if they had children together? The bottom line is he found happiness with someone else whom he could not share with his former wife. It only matters to me because, as you might know, I am struggling everyday with this as his "excuse". I ask because I am constantly trying to understand this mentality of his. I don't agree with it as a reason, but the perspective from a man who left to persue his well deserved happiness, is the perspective I need to understand. So Happy, just for my own understanding...how did your son react? & how did he factor into your decision? I am up against ages 6 & 9 and he just can't separate from them, just FYI.
Author HappyAtLast Posted April 3, 2007 Author Posted April 3, 2007 Kenzo - My son had just turned 18 and moved out of the house when I left. My marriage had been unhappy for long before that, but I stayed. I met my OW about seven months before my son moved out. I am fortunate in that the timing worked out, but like I said in a previous post, once I met her there was no choice to be made, I had to be with her. So - had my son been younger, I still would have left and married my OW. I am thankful that I did not have to go through that, though, because I am sure it would have been very difficult for all involved.
Kenzo Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Thank you Happy, it is really nice to have your perspective here.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 HappyAtLast, I don't know what brought you here, but I'm happy you have arrived. We don't have enough members with as much life experience and one can never have enough perspective from the wisdom I assume often comes with age. I know my wisdom has grown, yet I still have much to learn. As for your acquaintance, I understand why you would feel hypocritical. I often feel the need to explain myself here in case someone has read something I said on another thread, that may have little bearing to my opinion on a different one, and that I may be called out as contradicting myself. In your case you have advised counseling, and that is great. Explaining that you do not feel qualified to help and referring to someone who is better capable is always a good idea. Another idea might be to counter questions with questions, much like a counselor often does. When he said "do you think it's possible to love two women?" you could have countered with "it doesn't matter what I think, do YOU think it's possible?" I have a friend that often does that with me and while it can be frustrating when I really want HIS opinion, I often see that his point is that MY OWN opinion on the matter is what is truly important. Just another way of handling difficult questions in many other possible circumstances. Good to have you around, I hope you will post in other threads when time allows.
Author HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Thanks, dropdeadlegs for your nice comments. What brings me here is retirement. I am, no, I used to be, a surgeon. These old hands aren't as steady as they used to be, so it was time for me to step aside. Still trying to figure out what to do with myself. Thank you for making me feel welcome.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Thanks, dropdeadlegs for your nice comments. What brings me here is retirement. I am, no, I used to be, a surgeon. These old hands aren't as steady as they used to be, so it was time for me to step aside. Still trying to figure out what to do with myself. Thank you for making me feel welcome. Oh goodness, I'm even more excited! Surgeons must be intelligent and meticulous, with well thought out plans. I'm just glad you stumbled on LoveShack as a way to deal with excess time. I came here for a relatively minor bad moment in my relationship, but I have stuck around and enjoy spending my excess time here. Some days I enjoy spending too much time here as well. Today would be a good example. (I hereby nominate myself as member of the welcoming committee. Can I get a second on that motion?) I eagerly await your take on things!
Author HappyAtLast Posted April 4, 2007 Author Posted April 4, 2007 Thank you again DDL. I must admit, this place is rather addictive (although it is confusing to try to keep who's who straight in my head). Retirement is a relatively new thing for me, so I am finding myself a bit lost. Although, my wife did convince me to agree to become "foster dad" to three small homeless parrots (never could say no to that woman). So now I have these three little ones who insist upon sitting on me, playing with my glasses and pooping all day long, lol. Ah yes, retirement is glamorous.
dropdeadlegs Posted April 4, 2007 Posted April 4, 2007 Thank you again DDL. I must admit, this place is rather addictive (although it is confusing to try to keep who's who straight in my head). Retirement is a relatively new thing for me, so I am finding myself a bit lost. Although, my wife did convince me to agree to become "foster dad" to three small homeless parrots (never could say no to that woman). So now I have these three little ones who insist upon sitting on me, playing with my glasses and pooping all day long, lol. Ah yes, retirement is glamorous. Since I'm speaking to you, I guess it's okay to stray a bit off the original topic. It is addictive, and sometimes confusing because some have user names that are similar. I'm 42, and on a self imposed leave of absence that I think will last for about three more years. It's similar to a retirement, but certainly not the same. I have no intention of going back into the same field (mortgage lending.) My former career made me crazy (so much fraud!), but with my limited education, it was the highest income level I could achieve, and paled in comparison to someone of your education. All in all, I wouldn't take back my choice to come home. I could better balance my time, but that's a whole new thread. Your love for your wife is beautiful, indeed. That is what most of us on LS strive for, and I will never give up hope. Maybe I have found it, and maybe I am wrong. Yet I can't stop believing in "happily ever after" because I know it exists (to an extent, I'm not THAT crazy. Yet.) Those parrots may be something special. I love parrots, but they seem to prefer bonds with well known family members over my overtures, much like humans. It must be an intelligence level thing. Still, I'm sure that bond can be created and they may very well provide you with much pleasure (pooping aside.) Parrots are a real commitment due to their long lifespan. My father developed a real attachment to two cats upon his retirement a few years ago. He was never an animal person, in my view, so that surprised me. I saw him a week ago and he had an earring in his left ear. he is 67. That was very strange, indeed. He seems pretty happy, though, and his most recent position prior to retirement involved spending lots of time at home, so his life isn't much different. I'm afraid I have done it again. I would like to be concise, but can't seem to shorten my well known lengthy posts.
Author HappyAtLast Posted April 5, 2007 Author Posted April 5, 2007 DDL - Yes, my little parrots are indeed special little creatures (or monsters, depending upon the day that we are discussing them). One of them is sitting on my shoulder right now, poking it's little claw into my ear and attempting to remove one of my teeth We have three large Macaws that we adopted about twenty years ago, they are a joy. (and will most definitely outlive us) So you are on a self-imposed leave of absence? Must be an interesting time. It definitely seems that the entire mortgage lending field seems to be riddled with (in my opinion unnecessary) stress. I can imagine that would be tiring. So - what other fields are you exploring?
dropdeadlegs Posted April 5, 2007 Posted April 5, 2007 So you are on a self-imposed leave of absence? Must be an interesting time. It definitely seems that the entire mortgage lending field seems to be riddled with (in my opinion unnecessary) stress. I can imagine that would be tiring. So - what other fields are you exploring? Right now, I'm not exploring anything other than being a mother to my kids. It's a long story, but I am fortunate to be able to be home despite being a single parent. Not to sound coy, but the last position I pondered was stocking shelves at a Super Walmart. I think I would be the best shelf stocker they ever had. I enjoy working alone and being responsible for only my own load. In that respect, I could do in 5 hours what takes 8 hours for most. I get busy, do what's needed, and avoid distraction. I would go to work to work, not socialize. It wouldn't pay much, but I'm a woman of meager needs. I recognize that it would be a sad use of my skills, but I don't want too much pressure in life. I want to enjoy what time I have and not be bogged down with employment pressures. That's a lofty desire and I must sound like a loon.
Guest Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Hi HappyAtLast, we really love you to be here at this forum! Please stay! I have a question for you: Do you have kids with your Second W (the ex-OW)? Supposing you do, in retrospective, IF 40 years ago you knew that you and her would not be able to have kids, would you still marry her? And furthermore, if--assuming--you didn't even have the son with your first W, in other words, if marrying the OW would mean that you would never have children, would you still leave your first W and marry the OW? I'm just curious, and you seem to be a very frank guy, so I'm eager to know your answer Thank you--please stay.
Author HappyAtLast Posted April 12, 2007 Author Posted April 12, 2007 My wife (xOW) never wanted children. I did tell her, the day that I told her I left my XW and asked her to marry me that whatever she wanted was fine with me. If she wanted kids, I would (althrough my son was grown), wherever she wanted to live was ok, etc. LOL, she wanted nothing to do with the kid thing, so it's just been us all these years. To answer your question, honestly. I really don't know. Of course, I love my son, but a marriage without children (like my OW and I have) is really nice. I think I could have gone either way on the kid thing, but I know that I would not have stayed married to my XW. If we had not had our son I would have divorced her years prior to when I actally did. Hi HappyAtLast, we really love you to be here at this forum! Please stay! I have a question for you: Do you have kids with your Second W (the ex-OW)? Supposing you do, in retrospective, IF 40 years ago you knew that you and her would not be able to have kids, would you still marry her? And furthermore, if--assuming--you didn't even have the son with your first W, in other words, if marrying the OW would mean that you would never have children, would you still leave your first W and marry the OW? I'm just curious, and you seem to be a very frank guy, so I'm eager to know your answer Thank you--please stay.
Guest Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 Thank you HappyAtLast for satisfying my curiosity! You are a great guy [THUMB UP] I would imagine your (current) W knows how much you love her! Best wishes to both of you!
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