Walk Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Just a question for guys... If your gf is crying, why do you walk away? I mean really crying, balling. Because you hurt her. Maybe you're upset with her, but whatever you said she's now curled in a ball, sobbing with snot running down her nose, and obviously in a great deal of pain. Do you just not care? Do you find some kind of sick sadistic pleasure in it? Were you taught from a young age that this is appropriate behavior? Are you programmed to flee when this happens? Did you learn this type of behavior, or does it just come natural to you?
Ripples Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Walk, you ok, hon? That was a silly question, wasn't it?
ash8752 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Walk, it sounds like you and your bf have been having some issues lately, maybe hit a road block or something. I am obviously not a man, but some just dont react to crying. My bf used to but he stopped and know doesnt care, he only cares if it keeps him awake at night, which is fine. I will leave the answers to the men, but I truly hope things get better for you, you seem like such a nice person who doesnt deserve this!
Porn_Guy Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Were you taught from a young age that this is appropriate behavior? Are you programmed to flee when this happens? Did you learn this type of behavior, or does it just come natural to you? many of us are not trained (genetically & societally) to deal with this situation. just like many women don't know what to do when a man starts to yell and scream and become violent.
justagirlforever Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Walk, I know this wont help, but honestly: he's not the first and only to do so. There have been times when I've sobbed my heart out - and became more and more upset at the lack of emotion or acknowledgement of my pain in turn. Or just saying "there, there". At best my cat's been stroked (yeah thanks, that makes me feel better) or just told to "get with it". I'm not even the crying kind really not. So sorry that doesn't answer the question - but I know what it feels like. (Hugs)
justagirlforever Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 just like many women don't know what to do when a man starts to yell and scream and become violent. run like the wind!
Ripples Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 many of us are not trained (genetically & societally) to deal with this situation. just like many women don't know what to do when a man starts to yell and scream and become violent. Oooo! I know! I know! You go to the locked cupboard and get the shotgun.
someone2 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 As a guy, here are some of the reasons why I might do this... 1. I am an ******* 2. I have read in some self-help book that I shouldn't show any signs of weaknesses. Because I read it in a book, I have no idea where the boundaries are. So, although this one seems serious, I still follow the "book"'s suggestion 3. I really have no idea what to say. I feel embarrased. I feel anything I say will make things worse, so I walk away hoping that the girl will feel better as time passes by It all depends on the manner he walked away. Did he just silently leave? Did he angrily leave? Did he slam the door behind him? What is his personality like? And Walk, I hope you are ok. When you start crying in the fetal position then something SERIOUSLY wrong is going on here. Best of luck ETA: And LOOOOOL @ "I don't understand men". I never thought a woman could say that. We are so one-dimensional honey. Think of us as large sized babies. I am used to men saying "I don't understand women", but the other way round really blew my mind
DanielMadr Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Just a question for guys... If your gf is crying, why do you walk away? I mean really crying, balling. Because you hurt her. Maybe you're upset with her, but whatever you said she's now curled in a ball, sobbing with snot running down her nose, and obviously in a great deal of pain. Do you just not care? Do you find some kind of sick sadistic pleasure in it? Were you taught from a young age that this is appropriate behavior? Are you programmed to flee when this happens? Did you learn this type of behavior, or does it just come natural to you? It depends. If I really hurt her....it means Im an azzhole and have no problem ignoring her. Or she is crying b/c of argument where she attacked me and Im still pissed off. Seeing someone crying is ackward, we'd better go away but if the crying isnt b/c of us , I think majority would comfort you. What a hell happend Walk? Are you OK?
DanielMadr Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 We are so one-dimensional honey. Think of us as large sized babies. Do you hate yourself much? Tell your sado misstress to give you 5 spanks for that.
DanielMadr Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Oooo! I know! I know! You go to the locked cupboard and get the shotgun. No no, you cant go to cupboard when you are on rugby stadion. You have to cheer them
hotgurl Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I've never had a guy walk away from me when I am crying. I almost never cry though. Usually my BF hugs me and strokes my hair and tries to talk to me about why I am crying. although several years ago I was really sick and depressed and I was crying a lot. He ignored me this one time because it was too much for him and he was stressed as well.
StayClose Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Did he say something with the intention of hurting you? Or were your feelings just hurt by something he revealed to you? There is a difference. Men and women have different emotional reactions to things, and men are not trained to deal with women's emotions, especially when from the man's persepective they are an over-reaction to what was said. So it os possibly he does care, but just doesn't understand the situation or what to do.
DanielMadr Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 some explanation....when men cry, if they ever cry, they want to be alone and not seen crying.....
Gunny376 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 DanielMadr hit it on his last post ~ somewhat. It just shuts us down ~ as though someone hit the "kill" switch ~ sensory overload. We become all "uh? duh? WTF?" It makes us want to run, scream and shout in circles. Because we're men damnit! (Beating chest and making gruntal sounds) We don't "do" crying! And, its not fair that you ladies use this against us!
someone2 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Do you hate yourself much? Tell your sado misstress to give you 5 spanks for that. That was just a joke. You need to loosen up a bit if you were taking that seriously.
Ariadne Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Hi Walk, I know you have a gazillion problems and on top of that, that bf of yours. I think he's had it with you and you are too much to handle for him right now. He wants it nice and easy, no problems, no drama, etc. You two make a horrible couple, I think it's time to leave now, he has been putting you down and you are crashing. Hope you feel better soon, hugs, Ariadne
hotgurl Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 walk, I think you need to leave this guy. Your first post was in 2005 about him and the way he treats you and from all your subsequant posts nothing has changed. A little varations here and there sure. But can you say in two years things have gotten better and he treats you well now?
allina Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I wish people didn't make Walk feel guilty for posting about her problems, so what if this isn't the first time she's had a problem w/ her bf, it saddnes me when people say stuff like "oh you're always haing this issue" On to the topic, I have never had a bf walk away from me when I was crying. The two times my bf has seen me cry he was super sweet and incredibly supportive. I in turn am bad with crying people, my friends crying in front of me makes me uncomfortable because I don't know what to say or do and I just feel weird. I understand that a gf crying may be slightly uncomfortable for a guy but he still should never walk away from her, especially if he's the one that caused her to cry.
Herzen Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Context matters--especially when an emotional response is involved. As a guy I possess all the social emotions, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to express them to please a woman. It depends. If the crying was the result of a fight, or an every day occurrence, many guys will walk away.Tears, without more, won't move us to pity, compassion or empathy.In fact, we'll probably get annoyed. Crying jags, like everything else, have a diminishing return. If a GF turns on that spigot too often, the desired effect won't happen. Does that make men heartless, or just smart about being emotionally manipulated?
Touche Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Your topic is incorrect. It should read "I don't understand JERKS." Sheesh, when are you going to leave this jerk already? Just because he's sometimes nice doesn't mean he's not a jerk. Are you going to hang on to him (like I did with my ex for nine years waiting for him to change.) Good luck with that. Wished I had known then what I do now. I hope you don't wait as long as I did. Only a JERK would walk away if you're that upset. I don't care WHAT the damn context is. Someone who loves you and sees you in pain doesn't walk away no matter what.
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Only a JERK would walk away if you're that upset. I don't care WHAT the damn context is. Someone who loves you and sees you in pain doesn't walk away no matter what. Word.... Walk... Have you seriously thought about the damage this relationship is doing to you and your esteem ? It could take you years to recover from this when you do finally leave him. I don't think that it is up in the air to whether or not this relationship is toxic and damaging, I think that what is up in the air is how much damage is being done with the toxicity. It is one thing when one person is going thru something or corrects the issue that was causing a problem and the relationship continues on in a healthy manner.. those types of relationships can be fixed with hard work and compromise.. but yours doesn't seem to fit the template of something savable.
fallendisguise Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Walk, I'm so sorry that you felt that way and he walked away. I don't think there will ever be a point in time when we will understand men. They say women are hard to understand, but I think men are just as hard to understand. In my experiences, I don't think he walked away because he didn't care. He probably didn't know what to do and became overwhelmed. He possibly could have went in to panic mode, especially because you were hurt so badly and he didn't know how to make you feel better or how to fix the situation. This is going to sound bad, but I don't think men are very emotional to begin with. They handle their emotions differently so when they see us crying our eyes out like our heart's been broken they don't know how to react. Yes, there are some *******s out there who really don't give a crap and walk away because they don't want to deal with it. But, if he is your boyfriend, then you know he cares about you, he just might not be all that good at showing it when you need it the most. Which makes the situation even worse in my eyes. I would talk to him about it and ask why he reacted that way. If he still doesn't show any empathy then you know it wasn't a big deal to him, which is another issue entirely. However, I don't think that is the case. And, I hope that you feel better and that if this ever happens again he is able to comfort you the way you deserve. P.S. Sorry, I know I'm not a guy.
ruby_gloom Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 I wish people didn't make Walk feel guilty for posting about her problems, so what if this isn't the first time she's had a problem w/ her bf, it saddnes me when people say stuff like "oh you're always haing this issue" I see what you mean, allina, and I agree with you, partially. While I don't think it helps much to point and say, "When are you going to leave this guy already?!?!" after so long, I don't think any other explanations help much either. That said, imo, from reading many of Walk's posts and her problems with her bf, I think the deal is that nothing anyone on LS, or in her real life for that matter, is going to be of much help; I just don't think her relationship is one that can really be helped/salavaged anymore, no matter how much she tries. I've read other posts where she tells of the good things he has done, but from what she posts in general, I honestly think that--as Touche said--the good things that he does are significantly outweighed by the bad ones. Perhaps coming on here to read people say, "How much longer are you going to endure this for, Walk?" doesn't make her feel very good, but how good will it do her in the long run to not hear from others who can objectively look at the situation that this is not good? This relationship is just going to hurt her, imo; just like it has been for all of this time. PS: Walk, only jackass*s do that, btw.
allina Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 I see what you mean, allina, and I agree with you, partially. While I don't think it helps much to point and say, "When are you going to leave this guy already?!?!" after so long, I don't think any other explanations help much either. That said, imo, from reading many of Walk's posts and her problems with her bf, I think the deal is that nothing anyone on LS, or in her real life for that matter, is going to be of much help; I just don't think her relationship is one that can really be helped/salavaged anymore, no matter how much she tries. This may be true but if she just wants someone to listen to her pain or frustration that should be okay too. Yes, I personally would have bailed on the relationship a long time ago, but Walk clearly does not want to or isn't ready to, so why not just be supportive and "there" for her. I don't mean anyone specifically in this post, it's a general statement.
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