panzer6 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 My ex called me the other day cuz she was feeling down. She wouldn't tell me what was bothering her at first but after a while she opened up to me. It seems that her boss has decided to leave his wife. I should tell you that when I first met my ex she was having an affair with him, she ended up telling him that she didn't want to see him anymore because she had met me and she had fallen in love with me. This upset her boss very much and he was miserable for quite some time. Any way she and I ended up going our seperate ways after we broke up but we ended up in a friends with benefits relationship for about 7 months. That eventually came to an end and she told me to never contact her again. After about 4 months she called me and we ended up going out for some drinks. She seemed pissed at me about something and after that night we went another 5 months without talking or seeing each other. Then the other night she calls me and says she is stressed out about the work situation. Her boss's wife came in to their workplace and started accusing her of all kinds of bad ****. I asked her if she had started sleeping with him again but she swore up and down that she hadn't. She said she was considering quitting but she couldn't because of her kids. I asked her if his wife knew about her and her boss but she said his wife still didn't know. his wife obviously suspects that she was the reason but does't have any real proof. Now my ex is reaching out to me, wants to have lunch with me and come by my work. Why does she do this? I told her that his wife has every reason to be angry at her and that she got herself into this situation. I don't wish her any ill will but I don't understand why she always seems to come to me whenever something goes wrong.
D-Lish Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Hi P. There's a flip side to this.... Perhaps you should ask yourself why you still remain available to her? The fact that she walks in and out of your life and reaches out to you when she needs you speaks about her own patterns.. But the fact that you pick up the phone, meet her for drinks, and engage in problem solving with her also says something about what's going on with you. Who can really say why she keeps turning to you. But you have the answers as to why you allow her to do so? Still in love perhaps, maybe still hoping for something. You have probably thought it through and realize that she isn't your ideal mate who will fulfill you. She keeps turning to you- it frustrates and confuses you... but you still answer. What are your thoughts on that? Are you dating others? Would you pursue a relationship with her at this point? Just wondering. D
Author panzer6 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 Hey, D-Lish, nice to hear from you again. You look thin in your picture. If you ever come out to Vancouver look me up and I will buy you a good hot meal. LoL! Anyway back to the crap, I guess I still care about her in some capacity. I don't want us to be enemies just because we weren't compatible. There are alot of things that we shared with each other. I think that we both still miss each other, or maybe the idea of each other. She says that she misses me and I do miss her. I know it sounds crazy after all the crap I have been through. I however have no illusions about us having a lasting relationship with each other. I know it wont work but I still care enough that I would try to help her if she was in trouble or feeling down. She knows that. It's why she still calls. I don't go out of my way to call her. If I feel bad I don't go running to her. I guess it's hard for me to understand why she says I am such a bad person but when the **** starts flying I am the one she comes to. I think she has low self esteem and I on the other hand have been told that I have high self esteem and i know thats true. She probably senses that in me and when she is feeling bad she automatically reaches out to me. I don't hate her, I feel bad for her cuz she could have so much more in her life if she only pulled her head out of her ass. Do I still love her? Yes, on some level I do. But I love the woman she was when I fell in love with her, not the woman she became. I guess I kinda answered my own question. I'm not the kind of person who holds a grudge. I find that that is holding on to negative energy. Whats hard is dealing with the feelings that come up inside of me when i hear her voice. I feel a great sense of remorse and i get a little depressed. It's not as bad as it used to be so I am getting better. I guess we will eventually get to the point where we could just be friends and we could both live with that. I know what your thinking, but of all the relationships I have had this has been the hardest one that I have had to let go of. I don't know why it is so hard, It's just how i feel.
Author panzer6 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 Ignore that last post. she is an emotional vampire and I need to drive a wooden stake through her heart. Nuff said.
Ssheena Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Ok.. I'm ignoring that post. She comes to you because you let her. This time don't. You can say, I'm sorry to hear about the problems in your life but I really don't want to get involved. You could even be honest and say it's best for YOU not to get involved in them. Put yourself first her. You are right she is needing a fix and she's hoping to get it from you. Tell her to find another blood supplier and get some garlic around your neck, wear lots of silver and maybe carry a cross or some holy water...that ought to protect you.
Author panzer6 Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 I spoke with my ex last night, she wants to come and have lunch with me next week and see where I work, we recently moved to a new location. She said she has been meaning to come by and check things out but has been too busy lately. When I spoke to her I could hear in her voice that she misses me and she even admitted it. I'm not sure what to think right now. She seems a little stressed and maybe it's causing her to reach out to me. I have no problems with seeing her but I am kind of wary of her. I know she can turn on me and tell me to get lost, which she did in the past. I'll do my best to be nice to her but I am not going to sleep with her. If she really wants me back she is going to have to show me just how sorry she is.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Not sleeping with her is a MAN thing. SHE wants emotional support. We tell women all the time... want to see how he really feels - stop sleeping with him. Well for you... want to see how she really feels - stop being her emotional support. Sleep with her all you want but don't talk to her about these things. HECK yeah, she misses you, she misses someone she can run to anytime she is down.
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