dave_the_brewer Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Hi all, my name is Dave and I have been a crappy husband. We got married young, had kids young, joined the military young. I've been gone over a year out of the past three and nearly 3 out of the last 6. I've lied, cheated, berated, argued and generally mistreated my wife. I refused to help with housework, I neglected my fatherly duties to our precious daughter and son. Once, I even announced I wanted a divorce and adamantly pursued it for sometime, going back to the relationship grudgingly at first and eventually enjoyed myself for a short time. Since that reconcilliation, I've done other stupid and hurtful things, some the same as above. My most recent act of blind selfishness was when I kissed a friend of hers while she was away. I've also flirted with other women around her. She found out about the kiss and the flirting and she left me (basically) in January of this year, while I was deployed to Iraq. I did all of the begging and pleading I could muster over the telephone, I checked her email, her myspace, emailed her constantly, complained about the lack of two way diaglogue and feelings. She of course told me about my neediness, went to the bar all the time, found new friends and had (at least) an emotional affair for a few weeks. Of course, more rumors are flying about more stuff. We had been talking about "working it out" a few weeks after she dropped the "D" bomb. Once I got home, I was told there would be no working it out. She moved out temporarily (her goal is to get me to leave). I've been at home, and have slowly surmised the error of my ways both in the old and recent past. I have taken the following steps: 1. I've been taking care of the kids. We've gone to the fair, out for walks, done homework, etc. 2. I've been cleaning the house (it was a real mess). Scrubbing, washing, etc. 3. I've gotten myself some counseling. 4. I've prayed a lot. 5. I've done a ton of reading on divorce stopping, change, etc. 6. I contacted an attorney to find out my legal rights. We still have not negotiated a separation agreement, there are some things that we currently do not agree on. I have not initiated contact for two days, but she has. We've had dinner as a family once, agreed to do that once per week (tommorrow she's coming over), and she had llunch with me at the house today. I plan on rededicating myself to the internal changes necessary to be a better man and father...I've made some tiny ones. I told her that the door is always open, that she needs to go and help herself (no job, no money, needs me for support $$). That I need to rediscover myself, find out what I want. I was blunt today and told her that I was moving on either way, that I didn't NEED her to be my wife, but absolutely wanted to. She has agreed to couseling, I will eventually initiate that...but at this point she is adamant in saying that she DOES NOT want to get back together. Probably missing a few details like rants to relatives/mutual friends (I know, not a good idea). I haven't gotten drunk since arriving home but have had a few beers each evening. Any feedback, questions, scorn or whatever thrown my way will be graciously accepted. I wish I never would have had to find this board but sure am glad I did.
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