markfromark Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 today I am in the mood to give me MW an ultimatum. We have been together only for a few month but I feel like I don't want to go on like this. We have never spent a night together and she sleeps with her husband every night, supposedly without having sex. She says she wants to divorce but needs some time to break it to her husband. How common is that? If you want out of your roommate/marriage situation how much time do you need? I guess I am a bit impatient considering how many OWs are on this forum who have been waiting for their MM to get a divorce for years. I told my MW that she should not consider a D for me but for her own life. I know it's a big step but it has to be taken at some point. Sorry for the rant, I don't like the sneaking around and her lying to her H anymore. I feel like she should figure out what she wants. No kids involved.
Izzar Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Markfromark, YOU make a decision. Make a decision as to whether you want to accept this or not. You don't have to give her an ultimatum ya know. You will get your answer as soon as you say you are through with the relationship. She has it somewhat easy. You're making it easy for her not to make the decision to tell her husband that she wants out of the marriage. Keep us posted!
whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I don't like the sneaking around and her lying to her H anymore. Then end it and walk away. She is married and that isn't going to change. You are the OM in her life, your relatioship with her is an affair. Something one the side. If you are this unhappy about lying and sneaking around, take your life into another direction and tell her goodbye. I feel like she should figure out what she wants YOU need to figure out what you want. She knows what she wants, you and her husband, hense her being in an affair with you. The best thing to do for you is go NC and tell her to call you when the papers are signed. Go read the threads from ratingsguy, oyster, and bonehead. All OM involved with MW's.
Moose Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Hey Mark, I have a question for you. Once, (if), she does divorce, how will you trust her not to do the same to you, as she did to her husband? Just curious.......
oyster Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 reality is they won't leave with ultimatum. Walking away works better. Also as the OM with a MW, if you 2 are not physical, why bother? She is living a fantasy on her own agenda, as a guy you might as well enjoy her body. Headaches will come along and outweight the physical fun.
sadbuttrue Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 why did you become involved with a MW if you were not prepared for all that goes along with it?
puddleofmud Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Ask yourself how long it took YOU to "get over" someone with whom you were so very in love and had a very long involved R? Surely, it didn't happen over night? As well and most importantly was the R a MARRIAGE? A marriage contains so many complex factors other than a simple non-married relationship. Can one just demand a complete emotional commitment from someone who is already committed? Can one expect a time limit for someone to just "get over it"? and then subsequently move on and commit to another? Especially after a "few months"? This woman is mature and may have much to consider....
Jinxx Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 She says she wants to divorce but needs some time to break it to her husband. How common is that? If you want out of your roommate/marriage situation how much time do you need? It took me a year to leave my husband. All planned before I began my affair with XMM. I was doing the roommate thing too -- no sex at all except with XMM.
oyster Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 It took me a year to leave my husband. All planned before I began my affair with XMM. I was doing the roommate thing too -- no sex at all except with XMM. Hi Jinxx, can you elaborate on your "roommate strategy"? That is what I have been hearing from my exMW. I want to understand what is involved and why woman think it works. If you are not confortable discussing it, we can use PM or email. Thanks
Author markfromark Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 Today I told her (MW) that our relationship does not make any sense. I can not love her just a little bit, I love her now with all my heart and therefore I don't want to see her until she has figured out what she wants to do. It feels good that she knows now that she can not play me, she needs to show me some action. I understand that a divorce does not happen overnight but it begins with small steps. Now I wait.
Izzar Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Today I told her (MW) that our relationship does not make any sense. I can not love her just a little bit, I love her now with all my heart and therefore I don't want to see her until she has figured out what she wants to do. It feels good that she knows now that she can not play me, she needs to show me some action. I understand that a divorce does not happen overnight but it begins with small steps. Now I wait. What was her response? I hope you don't have to wait for long Mark.
puddleofmud Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 "It feels good that she knows now that she can not play me" You did the right thing especially if you feel that you may are being "played". It's good that you did what is best for you and did not allow yourself to become further overwhelmed or sickened. It takes a lot of fortitude to put on the brakes and self-insulate when one is in love. Even with that "maybe" in the back of your mind please don't "wait" to go forward w/ your life and enjoy it---life is so very short--too short to be miserable. Stay strong and take good care of yourself!
Author markfromark Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 What was her response? I hope you don't have to wait for long Mark. she really seems to want to make an effort to clean up her life. I will keep contact with her and see how she is doing and I will give her a couple of month. If I don't see any significant changes in a few month I will move on. I think she is worth waiting a little bit and I don't feel I am wasting time. If she can pull it off then I will have much more respect for her. I think she is in a typical situtation for a lot of woman who got accustomed to a certain lifestyle which has been provided by her husband. She needs to set priorities and create a happy life for herself, without my help. I will start spending time with her once I see that she is serious. I don't think she "played" me intentionally but I needed to show her that I am serious about our relationship.
Izzar Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 I didn't have to wait too long & it was worth the wait.
naveen Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Choosing a divorce lawyer is a critical and key decision you will have to make if you want to emerge from a divorce with the best outcome possible....for more info http://www.divorces.com/divorce_articles/divorce_article_7.htm
Jinxx Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Hi Jinxx, can you elaborate on your "roommate strategy"? That is what I have been hearing from my exMW. I want to understand what is involved and why woman think it works. If you are not confortable discussing it, we can use PM or email. Thanks I slept on a roll-away bed out in the living room for almost a year before I left. We had separate bank accounts and split the mortgage and the utilities.
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