Svulle Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 As the title says, I've fallen in love with my best friend of 6 years. I moved away from her and we remained in daily contact, but in the last 6 months I have moved back to near her and see her every day and have became completely infatuated with her. I always had a soft spot for her, feelings more than just friends, but recently they've increased tenfold. I've been under the impression that she can't return the same feelings for a while, I don't have any solid proof but that was just my gut feeling. When I first came back, she was single, I didn't dare tell her how I felt lest I ruin what we already have. Recently she has been seeing another guy but I could sort of handle that because it wasn't too serious and there was still a little hope at the back of my mind that kept me going. In the last couple of days she has told me that they are now an official couple and expected me to be happy for her. I put a smile on and acted to the best of my ability and she bought it but I was crushed on the inside. I cried when I got home, I'm 19 and not overly emotional so this doesn't happen often. I've been depressed over it for a couple of months now and it has peaked in the last couple of days and I think I'm going to take one action or another because these feelings have to end. I can't see myself moving on any time soon, I can't see myself moving on ever to be honest but obviously that's impossible. I've heard off several of the guy's friends that he's a womaniser and can be very nasty and /or thoughtless a lot of the time, I think he's going to hurt her in the end but I don't feel I can tell her as it could look like jealousy to her and definitely will to our mutual friends. I've considered telling her we can't be friends any more, but that will lead to even more hurt for both of us, for an undefined amount of time. I've considered telling her exactly how I feel, even though I don't feel any good is likely to come from it and even if she told me she felt that same way, I can't see her just getting rid of the guy she's with right at the moment. Right now my approach is to just stand by her as a friend and hope she realises just how much I care for her, but as I've said, it hurts so much. Anyone been in the same situation or have any advice to offer? I'd be glad to hear it as I'm feeling very upset and confused at the moment. Edit - This probably should have gone in the "Friends and Lovers" forum if a mod would like to move it.
LoveLace Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I feel for you. I'm in love with my best guy friend for the 2nd time in 10 yrs, only this time we are actually roommates, it really bites. But I think you should let her know how you feel. At the same time, let her know you are happy for her and her new relationship, and let her know you are there for her if there might be times of turmoil. However, she should be aware that it can be difficult for you at times, to see her with someone. Everyone keeps telling me to tell my roommate how I feel too though, and I have yet to get the nerve; I still can't see myself getting up the nerve to ever make a confession. But our situation is unique. Even though she has a boyfriend, you've been friends for a very long time and I think its important that she knows, so that you at least feel better by getting it off your chest. Knowing you have these feelings, might open her up to wondering about new possibilities with you- but be sure to let her know you are not trying to get in the way of her boyfriend. It's just important to you that she knows. Maybe at that point you two should decide how you want your friendship to be. But from then on, maybe you should stear clear, live your life, and let the thing with her boyfriend develop as it naturally would. There's a chance it won't last, but a chance that it will also, so you should prepare to move on once you tell her your feelings. Maybe if they split up, she will remember what you told her and consider giving you a chance. You can't wait around and hope for it too much though.
Author Svulle Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 ^ Ouch, room mates, I thought my situation was complicated. I sort of want to tell her how I feel but I can never find the right time. I suppose I want it to just pop up in conversation (keep dreaming.) I think she would just tell me she's sorry but doesn't like me that way. I'm finding it increasingly harder to just be friends though, and I'm getting hurt pretty much every day. I'd feel awkward just pulling her aside and going into a long explanation about my feelings. I'm not moving on at all, other girls don't interest me in the slightest, I only have eyes for this one. I've been told that two different girls are interested in me and they're both very nice, under different circumstances I would probably be interested. In short, I'm hopeless.
LoveLace Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I feel that way, too, there never seems to be a right time. Try writing her a letter; not an email, but a letter, typed or hand written. And put in the letter that you would like to know what she thinks about this, and that you would like it if you two could talk about the friendship now that you've told her your feelings. Write that you have developed stronger feelings for her, and you are happy for her, but you are not able to move on until it has been addressed somehow. And, you should take more time in getting to know those girls who like you. Just approach them as friends, hang out, whatever, and you never know what can happen with that. You can even tell them that you are only interested in friendship right now and nothing more. Even this is moving on in a way, and it's not good for you to be in pain over someone who has a boyfriend. Don't make the letter appear as though you want to end the friendship, though. Leave it open for her response. I just suggest this because for some people, its easier to express yourself in a letter, and it gets the full attention of the reader. good luck, you will be fine, I promise.
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