stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Okay...for those of you familiar with my story, I'm really, finally moving on and I'm choosing to have a life of my own again. I actually have a semi-date this weekend with a guy I knew before my previous relationship. He was nice, we had some things in common, but I wasn't really attracted to him that much. Also, at this stage, I really just want to meet people, hang out and have fun. I said to my friend Joe about this date that i'm always afraid that either i will start liking a guy too much or that he will start pushing me for a commitment right away. He says I worry way too much and that I'm always saying what I'm afraid of. I'm just starting to think that growing up maybe I never learned "how to date" properly. It's all or nothing with me....either I really like a guy and want to be with him or I lose interest and don't want to have anything to do with him. I can't ever just go with the flow...I'm always looking ahead, worried about what "might" happen. Anyone else experience this? Any advice? Not only am I worried about my own heart and feelings, but I also feel guilty if a guy starts liking me too much and I don't reciprocate the feelings.
a4a Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 you take it way too serious..... lighten up. A date is just a date. I don't know you but you come off as being desparate to be with the right guy. (impression from this post alone) Why not worry about being right with yourself instead?
Author stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 I don't know if it's desperation really...it may be at least part of it. I think a problem I have that I'm just now seeing is that I don't see dating as a journey...I see it as a means to an end. And if I don't really see myself being able to marry someone someday, i.e. if I'm not attracted to him at all, he doesn't have a stable job, etc., I don't see the point of dating him. I do take dating pretty seriously....I don't date just to date, I date because someday I want to be married. If I didn't care about being married (eventually, I'm talking 3-5 years down the road), I wouldn't date. I would just have friends. Ya know? I've never seen it any other way. Maybe it's because I was raised so religious (I'm not a fan of organized religion anymore though). you take it way too serious..... lighten up. A date is just a date. I don't know you but you come off as being desparate to be with the right guy. (impression from this post alone) Why not worry about being right with yourself instead?
a4a Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I don't know if it's desperation really...it may be at least part of it. I think a problem I have that I'm just now seeing is that I don't see dating as a journey...I see it as a means to an end. And if I don't really see myself being able to marry someone someday, i.e. if I'm not attracted to him at all, he doesn't have a stable job, etc., I don't see the point of dating him. I do take dating pretty seriously....I don't date just to date, I date because someday I want to be married. If I didn't care about being married (eventually, I'm talking 3-5 years down the road), I wouldn't date. I would just have friends. Ya know? I've never seen it any other way. Maybe it's because I was raised so religious (I'm not a fan of organized religion anymore though). Then you are going to have some serious issues down the road...... why the need to get married so quickly.. how old are you? What if you found the most perfect man in the world and he did not want to get married but just live together? You are going to scare the hell out of real men with your marriage desires.... hell you are scaring the hell out of me right now. simmer down on the desparate for marriage outlook. You need to know yourself and be happy with yourself before you consider marriage....... wait, date, enjoy, live...... do you open a book and read the ending first?
Author stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 That's just the thing...I'm not desperate to get married and never have been. I'm 28. I just know that that is the end goal I eventually want to reach....I don't make that so blatantly apparent to guys I date, but if there are certain things missing I just don't see the point in continuing to date that person. I guess I see making friends as the way to having fun and cutting loose....dating I see as a means to find your life mate. Trust me, I know I'm not marriage material at the moment...I am still establishing my career, although I definitely am stable, I want to pay off student loans, get some savings in the bank type of stuff. I also know I haven't met the right person yet (pretty important). haha I just don't get it...it's like "Why do guys go out with some girls for so long when/if they know they aren't intending to get married?" Why bother? Why not just be friends if it's just about fun and hanging out?
a4a Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 That's just the thing...I'm not desperate to get married and never have been. I'm 28. I just know that that is the end goal I eventually want to reach....I don't make that so blatantly apparent to guys I date, but if there are certain things missing I just don't see the point in continuing to date that person. I guess I see making friends as the way to having fun and cutting loose....dating I see as a means to find your life mate. Trust me, I know I'm not marriage material at the moment...I am still establishing my career, although I definitely am stable, I want to pay off student loans, get some savings in the bank type of stuff. I also know I haven't met the right person yet (pretty important). haha I just don't get it...it's like "Why do guys go out with some girls for so long when/if they know they aren't intending to get married?" Why bother? Why not just be friends if it's just about fun and hanging out? Because people are in lust, people like shiny and new, and people fall out of love. Marriage does not = bliss. It is hard work. Not the end to dating but a huge step and not one to be taken lightly..... and after dating for so long maybe people get the smarts enough to know they don't want forever with this person.... hell that happens after the I do's happen too. Marriage is sad in a way. It is supposed to be the final step to happiness. It is packaged that way to young ladies, it is still put into the heads of little girls..... princes, marriage, castles, playing house..... it is sad.
Author stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 Agreed and I totally see what you're saying. That's a whole other issue...I guess my concern is WHY I have such a hard time just relaxing and enjoying spending time with someone without worrying about all the 'what ifs' and 'what tomorrow may bring.' I suck at that. =)
2ndIINone Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 You're posts are funny. I don't date just to date, I date because someday I want to be married. Blah! For whatever reasons, when I read this sentence, I swear I heard a clock ticking away... And it definately sounds like you're dating to find a husband. In otherwords... "Lemme date alot, this way, I'll have a better chance at finding someone" Take your time girl... hang with the friends... don't just go on a date because you're hungry or you haven't yet seen a certain movie. You just said you have a semi-date with a guy you knew before but weren't attracted to him. Are you attracted now? or just wasting his time and yours? Or are you just trying to get out of the house? Two days ago you were all upset because you broke down and broke contact with your ex. "What do I do? What do I do? I feel so bad, I'm soooo weak...." and already you're going on a date? You're silly... Don't rush anything. Have fun with life... you're still young. Btw - 28???? I was gonna say 22-23 from your posts.... hahahah:laugh:
2ndIINone Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 about all the 'what ifs' and 'what tomorrow may bring.' I suck at that. =) for what it's worth.... I do that too. now I just don't date at all, cause no one is good enough for me. :laugh::p
Author stace79 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 Yes, but are you more miserable single and brooding, or dating and getting screwed over? haha
kribby Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Yes, but are you more miserable single and brooding, or dating and getting screwed over? haha I don't get your mindset. It is self defeating and silly. When I am single I work on further developing my fabulous single life-- when I am in a relationship I work on developing the relationship-- If anything I tend to lack balance-- but I am always content and happy.
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