TheRock Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I've been dating my GF for 8 months and we've been talking engagement, etc. She's going to be 30 and I'm 35. Her best girl friend "X". "X" is single and can't keep a guy. X and my GF are the only 2 of the girls left not married or engaged. X has slept with 6 guys since January. Everytime she's w\o a guy, she calls on my GF to go to the clubs with her so she can hopefully meet someone new. My GF feels bad and goes w\her, often having to talk to the guys friends while "X" hooks up. I'm uncomfortable w\this and don't know what to say to my GF. I'm not jealous, just don't think it's right at this point in our relationship for my GF to still be going to "hook-up" bars as her "wing-man". I think "X" needs to find more single friends to hang with. Her friend and I are often "competing to go out w\my GF on the weekend. It's sick. She feels she has to get her 1st! THE PROB- This weekend is my GF's B-Day & X wants to "take her out" for her B-Day while I'm working Sat nite. She's not taking her out to be nice. She's doing it to meet new guys and using the B-Day as an excuse to get my GF to go out w\her. She often deserts my GF when she meets someone and then my GF gets hit on. I don't know why they can't just go to dinner during the week or shopping, etc. I have no prob w\them going out on the wknd. It's the fact that they're going so her friend can hook up. There's a difference b\t going out to tlk w\EACH OTHER and going out TO MEET PEOPLE. What do I say to my GF w\o sounding Jealous?
princessa Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Why don't you go to the club with both of them?
serial muse Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I think he said he couldn't go that night because he's working, P. Rock - have you discussed your concerns with your GF? Seems to me like they're perfectly reasonable, and she should see that. She probably feels bad for her friend, but spending time together doesn't have to be all about going out to meet guys, as you said. There's no good reason she can't tell her friend that, for her birthday, she wants to do something SHE'D like to do - like see a movie, have dinner, go shopping, etc. It's her birthday, after all. Why can't she put her foot down? If she doesn't want to confront her friend, then that's another problem. But I think you should talk to her about it.
candy Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 i know when i need relationship advice or support with the BF, i never go to single girlfreidns--if their miserable, they want you to be too! they can't help it ,it's human nature. this "friend" sounds like trouble and a bad influence. def. talk to your GF about it before it gets out of hand
candy Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 i should add, as well , if your talking engagement you must trust your GF to not cheat or hook up with someone else. but still, that friend is a trouble maker in my eyes.....
LoveLace Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Why don't you go to the club with both of them? This is actually a good idea, if your GF wouldn't mind, however, X might feel like she can't meet guys that way, because women are more approachable in groups of at least 2 w/out men around. I am 30 yrs. old and the only single woman out of all my friends, too. The only way I meet men is when I'm out with other girls. But I don't use my girlfriends for that. It just happens to be that way. And yes, the men might hit on my married friends but they just tell the guys they are married and we just have a good time talking to the guys anyway, usually once their clear on the marriage thing, it just turns into a group of people out having a good time together. Usually, once the men know I'm the single one, they will direct their attention towards me more. But we also don't go out every weekend, it's only when its convenient for my married friends since they have kids too, etc. Unlike X, I don't expect them to go out with me every weekend. Maybe just suggest to your GF that she becomes a little less available for these outings. Tone it down to every once in a while, as opposed to a lot. Does it bother her that X uses her to meet men? Do you have any buds that you can set up and occupy X with? This could turn into a matter of X thinking that you are trying to come between their friendship. And I know how she feels being the only single one left, I'd be upset if my GF's husbands wouldn't let them take girls night outs anymore...but my GF's wouldn't stand for that anyway, they need their nights out, too. Just explain to your GF that your not jealous, you just don't like the thought of other men hitting on her while X is trying to get some.
Author TheRock Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 I have no prob when my GF's out with any of her married\engaged friends or friends that have boyfriends. It's this one girl in particular. She's been trying to come b\t us from the beginning. I keep bringing it up to my GF and she sees it and agrees, but 2-3 weeks l8r we're back to this point again. As soon as "X" meets someone and dates him, she disappears until the guy gets sick of her and breaks up with her. She's neurotic and I wouldn't set anymore of my friends up with her. I've tried w\2 of my friends and they won't talk to her. As for X's other friends...She has none. No girls will even hang out w\her anymore except for my GF, who 7 years ago was cheated on by X! Now they're friends again since last year.
LoveLace Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Well it sounds like your GF feels sorry for X, or just plain lets X walk all over her. Your GF needs to balls up. Tell her you are tired of seeing X use her the way she does, and that you want to see her get some back bone now. Start telling X that she has plans either with you or something else, or just plain say look, i don't feel like going out tonight. Or, she just shouldn't answer the phone on the nights that X wants to hit the bars or whatever. The next day she can always lie and say sorry but I was busy doing something. X needs to know, that if she is bold enough to just go out and sleep with an array of men, then she should be bold enough to make it happen by herself.
candy Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 you don't seem like the kind of guy who's jealous and doesn't mind your GF going out with friends, just this one--sounds rational to me! she sounds like a user, who's there for your GF when she doesn'y have a guy in her life; also she's trying to cause trouble in your relationship with your GF. wish your GF could see things more clearly, not be used or trust that you want the best for her. by not fixing X up with your friends that clearly indicates you have a problem with her. i think you should def. stick to your guns on this one!! but if your GF never sees things your way, you just may have to give in and trust her, hope she does the right thing and wises up about X......
surefire Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 that "X" is just to selfish and manipulative..you better be careful with that X Rock coz she might influence your GF in times when both u and ur GF got ur own issues..that X might give wrong advices to her..who knows?..misery loves company...
Mr. Lucky Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 It's also a measure of your GF's maturity and readiness to commit in how she handles this. X isn't pulling a gun and ordering her to go - manipulated or not, she is going willingly. I'd pay attention to your GF's reaction to your concerns as it might speak volumes about your future together... Mr. Lucky
selo Posted May 3, 2007 Posted May 3, 2007 Rock, are you me??????????? Your scenario is WORD FOR WORD the exact same thing I'm going through. Spooky actually. It's like I wrote every word you wrote. From the length of your relationship to marriage talk to the unsavory description of X to your GF's back and forth between what X wants her for and your desire for your GF not to be X's wingman to your discomfort with your GF being hit on by guys at bars/clubs. Even all of our ages are the same (I'm 35, she's 30). I still have not found a meeting of the minds on this and can 1000% empathize and sympathize with you. Good luck to both of us in our similar situation.
Hitman10000 Posted May 4, 2007 Posted May 4, 2007 Oh man that just sucks. What you may be assuming is possibly right. Your GF 's friend is definitely competing against you because she knows that GF/BF do things on weekends together or try to. If you think she hates your guts, you're going to have to be extra extra nice. Don't compete. You gotta glorify her presence even more so than your GF. Disarm the Ho. (6 guys in 5 months) She might know your scheme but don't worry about that, just hope that the Ho gets some man and hopefully your GF will soon see a pattern of her being used as some emotional tampon. Also, remember that birds of the same feather flock together. Your GF and this X's behavior could be similar, so be weary of that. Disarm the Ho and you will Go. For example, with this current girl she got a psycho friend and she is having an online relationship in which she calls that guy her "boyfriend" I ask her how her day is and comically talk about stresses on the job. I also tell her nasty jokes which gets her laughing. I have successfully disarmed her but really hope that someday she will get a real boyfriend. For those in long distance relationships (more than 100 miles) , and believe it's real. I laugh at you, it's not real. Get back in reality.
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