Guest Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 This is kinda long....got a lot to tell, so thank you for reading! I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 1/2 years with my girlfriend. From day one, we have ALWAYS been apart. We have never been closer than an hours drive from each other. She went to school in a state school about 2 hours away, while i work full time. About a year into our relationship i broke up with her because i was unhappy with a lot of things about her, some of the major ones were: 1. She refuses to have a relationship with my family(especially my mother), and when she is around them she wont talk or is very quite. 2. We were constantly fighting about money, which i know is a bad thing. She spends every penny she has, which most of it was student loan money. 3. Her bathing habits were not the same as mine. I HAVE to shower everyday, where she was an every other kinda day girl. 4. Our sex life SUCKS. Every time its always the same thing. 2 am, lights out, missionary.....no more no less. After breaking up with her, i kinda dated a little to get back into it....a month later we wound up back together. 2 months later, we broke up again but this time i actually dated another girl exclusively and had a very quick relationship that ended with me going back to her once again. We are now 2 and half years into the relationship. She is ready to move forward, move to my home town, and wants to move in together. I am petrified....i dont know what to do. I think that maybe we shouldnt be together anymore but im scared to break it off. She has bassically told me that she is willing to change what it is she wants to do with her life to be with me. I DONT WANT THAT. The worst part is, i think i have gotten so used to having a long distance relationship that i dont know if i would be able to handle all the "quality time". Im a gym rat...i love working out, i play in a band, i hang out with my friends.....i dont know if i can give up all that to sit on the flippin couch watching reruns of Flip This House. I find myself picking apart her flaws. I find myself being utterly disgusted with all her life choices. Our sex life used to be regular, but now its completely out of wack. Shes like a camel. She holds out on me for WEEKS at a time. Teasing me, and then telling me i have to wait till later. Later never seems to come because she magically has a headache or doesnt feel well. When we do have sex, its not very interesting. Sometimes i feel i would rather masturbate than make love to her. I have tried to talk to her about this and all she does is make me feel like a jerk off for bringing sex up. "Is that all thats important to you?" she says to me. The long of the short of it is....my feelings for her are so warped right now, i cant tell if i still love her, or if i am holding on to past memories and I am staying because i dont want to hurt her. Any thoughts?
stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 My thoughts are she isn't the right woman for you. First off, all the problems you listed are darn good reasons NOT to be with someone. I mean, the bathing thing? Eww. And sex is a very big part of a healthy relationship (and I'm a girl saying that, so I'm not just a guy being a pig). If it doesn't make you happy, then it doesn't make you happy. I'm sure you care a lot about her, but you know in your heart it just isn't right. Don't let her move and change her life all around when you know this already.
soulseeker Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 You cant change someone into someone else. It's not alchemy. Her habits, while you might not approve, are her habits. She doesnt need you to approve. But I digress. You really dont sound happy with her, her habits, or the situation, so why stay in it? If you already know you want to break up with her, please do her the courtesy of breaking up before she moves.
polywog Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I agree, please break up with her before she moves. Of course she will be hurt. I already feel bad for her. But she deserves to be with someone who loves to watch reruns of "Flip this House" (Ick!) and who loves a grimy unwashed girl. Likewise, you need to move on to be with someone who you can love and who doesn't annoy you. Set yourselves both free, unfortunately this ball is in your court. Just get advice on how to do it as decently as possible, but don't put it off. Best of luck to both of you.
Miss_Bee Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I agree with the others Guest. Obviously you are very unhappy with your relationship. You sound content on being "attached" as long as you don't have to be in the actual relationship and spend time with her. Have you ever been in this position before? As in staying in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of being in one? You should definetly end your relationship with her. Yes, i'm sure that she will be hurt, but she will be hurt alot more if you uproot her from her home and familiar surroundings to have her move there before breaking up with her. You both will eventually find some one that suits the likes of the both of you. Good luck, and let us know how things turn out for you.
Guest Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 i wanted to thank everybody for giving me some solid input. Last night me and my girl had a conversation. It was long...but it wasnt drawn out. There wasnt any fighting, there wasnt name calling, there wasnt too many hard feelings. We both spoke from the heart and told each other how we felt. We both decided like adults that maybe it was best of we went our seperate ways. I couldnt ask her to change her life and give up who she was just for me, and i couldnt go on with a relationship that had been over for me a long time ago. everybody who gave me some advice, thank you.
Guest Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Unforunately, you have to be selfish sometimes when it comes to your own happiness. In the long-run it will benefit her too, you can't fake a relationship with someone you're so unhappy with. If you are constantly fixating on her flaws, she just might not be the right person for you. I don't want to tell you what to do, but if I were you I'd set her free. Quit while you're ahead.
cechella70 Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 I Really Think That You Need To Dump Her. This is kinda long....got a lot to tell, so thank you for reading! I have been in a relationship for a little over 2 1/2 years with my girlfriend. From day one, we have ALWAYS been apart. We have never been closer than an hours drive from each other. She went to school in a state school about 2 hours away, while i work full time. About a year into our relationship i broke up with her because i was unhappy with a lot of things about her, some of the major ones were: 1. She refuses to have a relationship with my family(especially my mother), and when she is around them she wont talk or is very quite. 2. We were constantly fighting about money, which i know is a bad thing. She spends every penny she has, which most of it was student loan money. 3. Her bathing habits were not the same as mine. I HAVE to shower everyday, where she was an every other kinda day girl. 4. Our sex life SUCKS. Every time its always the same thing. 2 am, lights out, missionary.....no more no less. After breaking up with her, i kinda dated a little to get back into it....a month later we wound up back together. 2 months later, we broke up again but this time i actually dated another girl exclusively and had a very quick relationship that ended with me going back to her once again. We are now 2 and half years into the relationship. She is ready to move forward, move to my home town, and wants to move in together. I am petrified....i dont know what to do. I think that maybe we shouldnt be together anymore but im scared to break it off. She has bassically told me that she is willing to change what it is she wants to do with her life to be with me. I DONT WANT THAT. The worst part is, i think i have gotten so used to having a long distance relationship that i dont know if i would be able to handle all the "quality time". Im a gym rat...i love working out, i play in a band, i hang out with my friends.....i dont know if i can give up all that to sit on the flippin couch watching reruns of Flip This House. I find myself picking apart her flaws. I find myself being utterly disgusted with all her life choices. Our sex life used to be regular, but now its completely out of wack. Shes like a camel. She holds out on me for WEEKS at a time. Teasing me, and then telling me i have to wait till later. Later never seems to come because she magically has a headache or doesnt feel well. When we do have sex, its not very interesting. Sometimes i feel i would rather masturbate than make love to her. I have tried to talk to her about this and all she does is make me feel like a jerk off for bringing sex up. "Is that all thats important to you?" she says to me. The long of the short of it is....my feelings for her are so warped right now, i cant tell if i still love her, or if i am holding on to past memories and I am staying because i dont want to hurt her. Any thoughts?
stace79 Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 I'm sure you're sad, but I have a lot of respect for both you and her for handling this the way you did. If only everyone could be so honest and forthcoming!!! I hope things work out for the both of you that you are happy. i wanted to thank everybody for giving me some solid input. Last night me and my girl had a conversation. It was long...but it wasnt drawn out. There wasnt any fighting, there wasnt name calling, there wasnt too many hard feelings. We both spoke from the heart and told each other how we felt. We both decided like adults that maybe it was best of we went our seperate ways. I couldnt ask her to change her life and give up who she was just for me, and i couldnt go on with a relationship that had been over for me a long time ago. everybody who gave me some advice, thank you.
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