marlena Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Today is my birthday and I am feeling incredibly vulnerable...and so I texted my ex after a week on NC and not seeing him two weeks and asked him to sing Happy Birthday to me!!! How pathetic!!! Instead he texted back the words. Then I texted back and asked if I could call him and hear him sing thw rods to me (He always sang to me ) . He anwered at six because I'm going out after that. I got pissed because he was always setting boundaries on when to call him so I said forget it I can't at six! He said you can call me any time you like at home you know that! I got mad and said what's wrong wih your cell? (He forbade to call him there a couple of weekends aftera fight). He replied "call anywhere". I said yeah thanks sure you too! I feel pathetic and my self - esteem is below zero! Why did I give him that damn satisfaction! I am terrible with this no contact thing as by nature I am very impulsive and have a terrible time exercising self- discipline!!! I feel soooooooooooobad and on my birthday too! I wonder if he has already replaced or he was just playing at being aloof!!! I wondered if he remembered my birthday anyway as it was just mentioned in passing! I've been a shadow of myself for two weeks now...can barely function..Am sick and tired of being constantly hurt and disappointed...Maybe I should call it quits in the love department and take up knitting or something!!! How do I get uver today's humiliation?
lorr Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Happy Birthday:)! Although it wasn't a good move on your part, the best thing you can do is start NC from scratch and stick to it this time. Nows the time where you need to be with close family and friends who can help you through this. Start by also figuring out new and interesting activities to keep your mind occupied. By learning to be self sufficient, your self-esteem and confidence will build over time. Your starting to make it your problem rather than his, by trying to work out whether he was thinking about you or not. Its obvious that he's getting on with things, and it will only give him more satisfaction if you keep phoning or texting him everytime you feel vunerable.
Guest Y Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Happy Birthday!!! Those first few weeks of NC are so hard because not only are you hurting and missing them but trying to break the habit of contacting them. Its like any other addication and you will go through withdrawals. I bet alot of us broke NC that early on. Pick yourself up and start over again. The next time you wanna contact him use this as a lesson and a reminder of how you afterwards. Happt Birthday again.
stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 You know....I am going through the same thing as you, but don't feel so horrible because I only made it 48 hours or a little more before I gave in and called my ex. Yes I felt crappy and it just led to another blow to my heart, but you know what I have learned since then (that was Monday)? I have learned that it really is mind over matter. I have started telling myself every time I get weak that "Hey, stupid, he is going back to his ex-girlfriend. He is trying to work things out with her instead of choosing you. He doesn't want you." Reminding myself of that makes me angrier again, and it's easier to not call him. I decided that I would take him off my AIM list (but not block him) at least so I don't see him. I am not going to IM him or call him or text him, however if he chooses to contact me I have chosen to answer if I can. I refuse to talk about relationshp stuff, and I have decided I will not break down and cry or tell him I miss him or anything like that. I'm also starting to date again. No pressure on myself...I just want to go out with other people. My ex mentioned watching a basketball game together this weekend, but I made a date to watch it with another guy and a bunch of friends, and I will feel bad if it hurts my ex's feelings that I can't watch with him (that was something we always did together), but like I said...he doesn't want me the way I deserve, so my future is obviously not with him. And I can't keep wasting time on someone who isn't going to go anywhere with me. I am just refusing to act that way in front of a person who did not choose me and who does not love me the way I expect or deserve. You should do the same. It is by no means easy, and I struggle every hour on the hour. But really, you honestly have to be actively reminding yourself what he did to you, that you're not together, that he doesn't want you anymore. I even sometimes talk to myself to tell myself that, like on the way home in the car yesterday when I wanted to call him! It is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. It is for me. But we can both do it.
wlminfla Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 From a very good looking knucklehead in Florida :-) Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday, Marlena Happy Birthday to you :-)
soulseeker Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Hey Marlena. Happy Birthday ) It seems like you feel bad for feeling bad. I bet you would feel better if you just allowed yourself to feel bad. Just feel bad for a while, there's no real way around it. You're doubling your pain by fighting it. And so what? You made a mistake calling him. You are human for the love of dog! What is important is that we learn from our mistakes. That's how you walk away from the mistake. It doesn't define you, unless you let it. Don't live up to your own expectations by doing this again, learn from it. You will get through this! When my ex and I broke up, my friend said to me something like all that is expected of you for three months is that you eat and sleep. Breakups are rough and extremely painful. BUT, this is the underbelly of life where you can truly learn about yourself, and it can be quite empowering if you let it. <hugs>
polywog Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Happy Birthday, marlena! The above posts are all great. Don't be hard on yourself, please! You did what any of us would do. Learn from it, like they all say, forgive yourself. Hang in there through these tough times and please do something extra-special for yourself today!
Herzen Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 marlena, darling, let go of this loser. He has brought you only grief in every facet of your life. If online dating is available, do it. Just go out and experience different things with different people. You must move on. Being middle-age is no excuse to obsess over an ended relationship--especially a toxic one. You had, on balance, an unsatisfactory relationship with this guy. What makes you think the "post-relationship" will be any more fun? Happy Birthday from an old friend.
Author marlena Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 Thank you all for yr kind words! What would I do without you wonderful people out there? Thank God my birthday is over and done with. Yes, Herzen, I know he is a loser. I know I should stop obsessing over him, he doesn't even deserve my negative emotions, let alone my love and attention. Herzen, Are we old friends? You're right of course. I think that anyone who comes near this person is destined to misery. His history validates this. He himself told me once that if anyone sees you with me, they'll say, "Hey, what are you doing with this bum?" At least, he knows himself, huh? i just feel so bad for asking him to wish me a Happy Birthday!!! Just what was I thinking. Minutes I feel strong when I think of what jerk he is and other minutes I break down second guessing myself, wondering if perhaps i did something terribly wrong to ruin everything. I know it is normal to blame oneself after a break up and this to me is the most painful part. Polywog, I know yr story and wish you hadn't had to go thru all this muck. How are you coping now? Soulseeker, You couldn't have said it better. I feel bad for feeling bad. Just kicking my own a***. I really hope I don't sink so deeply in despair and call him again. I will put all my effort in this. I sent a message asking if I could call him and he ignored it. Good thing probably because I was sooooooooooo angry. He added to me to hs msn contacts and I just don't know why he would do this after five months. We never talked this way. He didn't even have messenger. Sth tells me there is a third party here involved. Maybe he just downloaded msn and just added me on too. WLMFLA, That was the nicest Happy Birthday song ever sung to me!! Thanks. It was so sweet of you! I'll keep posting til all this poison gets out of my system! Olese, satnd by me! None of my friends knew about this loser so I can't talk to them about it. My gut feeling was not to introduce him to my social curcle. And I was right! hugs to all Marlena
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