Guest Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I've been dating my bf for 4 months. we are in our early 20's. He had 1 serious relationship before me with a girl he dated for over 2 years. she moved away and they just kind of split up. He admitted to me he was devasted after the break up and drank like crazy to help ease the pain (great, I just wanted to know that). Also he thinks she cheated on him but does not know for sure. Anyways, it seemed like when him and I first got together he talked about her a lot and I could tell he had had very deep feelings for her. She called him when she was home from break recently, asking to hang out and he told me about it and that he denied her. I thought it was nice for him to mention it to me even though we had only been dating a few weeks. But why would he even pick up the phone call?? And I mean they had been broken up for quite a while by then too, and I think she even had a live-in bf back at her new location. what gives? After that he mentioned she would IM him online too. As my bf and I grew closer in our relationship I found that him talking to this girl realllllly bothered me. I told him this too, but he continued to talk to her. Also--He dated another chick before me (casually) for a couple weeks and he admitted he blocked that girl and tried to avoid her as much as possible. When he said that I asked why he didn't block "THE" ex. and he said it was way different bc that girl is all the way across the country and he "hates her" well Ive always wondered if he "hates" her so much why is he still in contact? Why did he pick up her phone call? And why does he respond to her IMs? C'mon! It's not that hard to ignore if you don't want to talk..weird. Since then I have asked if he deleted her cell # out of curiousity and he said yes, a long time ago. I know I should just drop the issue with the ex but I can't help but wonder and want to search his phone to see if he really did/ just petty stuff like that. She's coming home from the summer too and I just find myself wondering like crazy even though I totally trust my bf!!!! why am I like this??!! I find myself wanting to ask if he's talked to her lately, etc. I know I shouldnt--my ex boyfriend harrassed me all the time about my ex bf's and it drove me away from him. Which is why I havent said anything since... I do not want to be the jealous controlling type!! what can I do to stop being so curious and jealous though?!?!?!?! Ahhh help!
stace79 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 What I've come to find is that it's better if your current significant other is indifferent to an ex. If he "hates" or "loves" her, that implies extreme emotions, and leads me to believe it's not resolved yet. I have excellent experience in this since my ex just dumped me to go try and "work things out" with his ex girlfriend of four years, even while claiming to love me. Anyway, I guess my advice would be the same as my friends was to me in this situation....tread very very carefully. Years of feelings are going to have more weight than feelings for you who he's only known a few months. I'd be a little less concerned if she lives far away, but still...my ex's ex lives two hours away and he's holding out hope that she will move closer to be with him (blah). I dunno i am tainted now by this situation but if your bf/gf is still talking to an ex that's a big red flag to me from now on.
norajane Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 How long was it from the time they broke up and the time you two started dating? It sounds to me like he's not over his ex yet. Doesn't mean he's going to cheat or go back to her, but he still has strong feelings hate/love. I don't know that you need to go through his phone or anything, but definitely keep an eye out and pay attention. How is your relationship otherwise?
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