cbd5fmuk Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Great forum first of all! Without going into a whole life story, here is my situation. I'm 39, married for coming on 14 years now, 3 girls (1 elementary school, 2 junior high). My wife and I started great but over the last few years, its been hit and miss. Neither of us ever cheated but mostly the past problems and fights came down to trust and money - we never seemed to have enough (or didn't manage what we had) so bad things came up - I tended to put off dealing with the problems, problems got worse, lied to wife about problems, she found out, etc., etc. Last year I got some counselling on this sort of thing and generally it helped. I'm not perfect, but I am a lot better in this respect. Anyway, in the meantime, my wife has, not unreasonably, lost a lot of trust in me although I'm building it up slowly. Problem is, its taken a big toll on her. I work full time and she stays home for the kids and while she's generally a great mom, the house is a dump - I spend my weekends doing lots of cleaning, laundry, etc. and do a lot of the cooking these days. Wife plays on-line scrabble, stays up too late, drinks too much wine, sleeps in in the morning leaving me to sort the kids out for school. So what to do - she and I fight now not so much about money but more about affection, sex. I don't show her much affection these days and almost never instigate sex but frankly, I don't feel like it - if I'm not at work, she is either bad tempered in the morning (a person best avoided) or drunk in the evening (many irrational drunken-logic arguments). She's just not someone I want to be around much. Over the last few months, my mind has turned from "staying together for the kids" to "staying together because I can't afford to run two houses". I know I should confront her about the drinking/house, etc but its gotten to the point where we've both been unhappy for so long that I just don't feel it for her anymore. It doesn't help that whenever I go out of town on business (I am now), she seems to turn back to normal in terms of getting up in the morning, cooking meals, etc. - guess that means we're enabling each others bad behavior I love my 3 girls and whatever happens, I would have there interests foremost in my mind. Any thoughts/advice are gratefully appreciated. Thanks J.
Gunny376 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I woke up half way through my sleep cycle! All I've got to say is "Chill Easy Rider~chill!" Be cool! Peace out! You've got a good thing going! Don't screw it up, let me get some sack time, and I'll get back with you! Guns SemperFi!
amaysngrace Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Did you ever think to ask her to get a job? The youngest is school-aged and she can go and get a job now, even if it's just in a school cafeteria or something so she can have summers off. If she's not willing to do her part and be drunk than I don't think you're unreasonable to ask her to leave.
1DeadB Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Your a good guy to do the right thing for the kids. Problem is, kicking mom out isn't good for them and don't thing they don't see what is going on. Stress to her that it isn't good for the kids to see her drunk. Stress that she should straigten up for their sake, not the marriage. The marriage will be better for it.
Guest Posted April 1, 2007 Posted April 1, 2007 WEll i am going thru the same and I believe things arent goingto change . I know you love your kids but thats no reason to stop living a happy life . YOu should go seperate ways and if seperated dont put the kids in the middle . Kids are the greates thing in the world. I am pretty sure the children will understand and know what is going on since they see whats going on . My kids understand that if i am not happy its always better to let go. Thing wont be easy at first as long as there is no custody battle that that would be bad. If your trying to get along and she doesnt its not goingto work cuz it takes two to make a relationship work both of you need to put your part and it seems like she is not. What ever you decide to do good luck which you the best and dont give up hope and it would help alot more if you had god in your lives.
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