warm_girl Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 One of my clients and I have had a longstanding friendship/flirtation for years. We can talk very easily and have loads in common. I have liked him for years and years, waiting for him to get over a horrible divorce and the aftermath. Recently it heated up -- we went out on a romantic basis for six weeks or so. He told me he was attracted to me, and there was kissing, but no sex. After lots of fun dates, he backed away, telling me (on Valentine's Day, no less) that he wanted to go back to being non-romantic. He has a possibility of going far away within the next year or two for a career change, and he had just learned that he had made it onto the lengthy waiting list -- with no clue as to if or when the job could happen. Minimum of six months at least before anything happens. Stupidity in action warning: I told him that, hey, I like you, not hearts and flowers, but we have a lot of fun and have a lot in common. Couldn't we make it work? He said he was scared, that he went through so much with the divorce, etc. He pondered it, and then said, "Okay, yeah, I'm going to talk to the psych I'ved used for divorce/parenting issues over the years and work on this issue," and "I'll call you." Naturally, I haven't heard from him in over a month. I am not stupid -- I totally assume that that means that he is not interested in dating anymore. It hurts, it's very hard to accept, and it bothers my ego, but I've tried to move on, going out and doing tons of stuff, personal trainer, met other folks, etc. Surprisingly, he apparently won't stop using my services for business -- saw him today for the first time, and he was just as nice as could be. No comment about our last conversation -- like it never happened, no answers, just back to "nice business talk." Yes, yes, I know: "Scared" means "I'm just not that into you." If he cared about me romantically, he'd be there. Right? Here's my problem: I really care about him. I can play the game, work together on our every-couple-of-weeks basis and be all smiles and pleasantries, but seeing him is really, really tough. We have an out-of-town thing coming up that will mean spending six hours (!!!) in the car together. The last time we did that, the hours just flew by as we talked and talked, but now I simultaneously want those hours and dread them. What do I do? I can't just give up his business -- it's a chunk of my income. Do I take a Valium before each meeting? My stupid, stupid heart still says, "Well, maybe ......." How do you pound it into your head that "IT'S OVER" and have it not hurt? Thanks.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 thats why mixing business with pleasure is never a good idea. obviously u probably realize this. anyway, do u have any other people who work for u that u can refer the client to? if u cant than i hate to say it, but ur just going to have to get over him and work with him as best u can. yes its uncomfortable, but if u really need the business bad enough ur going to have to put what happened between u behind and work as best u can with him. ur gonna have to get over it by saying, "its over, he's just as client." pound this into ur head even though its not true. and in the future remember, NEVER to date anyone who is ur client. EVER, no matter how cute they are!
Author warm_girl Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 Thanks -- and I know you're right. I wouldn't have done it except for the fact that I've liked him for so long, and know him so well. It was like a dream come true. I have to stop taking it so personally somehow. It feels like utter rejection ... but he's the one who started the dating ball rolling, not me. I guess I can take some very slight comfort in that.
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