chill chic Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Ok I just posted something about this "hot" guy, well I have been messaging back 'n forth with him, but I was wondering if I was being too forward? lol yah I'm retarded but I guess I feel at ease when someone can tell me the real deal of what's going on. Is he being short with me? Or what do you think? My 1st message to him:This may seem strange, but I was searching for people in the area, (mainly "city" because that's where I work) who are involved in sales. So I came across you and I see that you just moved here, welcome! Anyway, I work for "..." Insurance as an agent and also work with real estate on the side. But if you could ever give me some sales tips, please let me know! lol. I'll add you if ya don't mind. How do you like it here so far? Do you play golf by the way? lol. His reply back:Whats up! Ya, I do like it here, I am finally starting to get settled into my apartment and it's gradually starting to feel like home. It is difficult, just picking up and moving, leaving behind everything you felt comfortable with. I am very busy right now studying my new drugs I have to promote. It really sucks!! I leave for training for 3 weeks starting April 15th, so my slackin a-- better pick up the studying. Thanks for writing me, it is always nice to meet new people, especially attractive ones Ya, I play golf, I'm not very good though, I still have my baseball swing. Not really sure where its going, but love to go on the course and whack it around a little bit. Oh ya, have a few beers as well. Anyway, good talkin! So where is your work located? In the Valley? Don't know the area that well, so you may have to be pretty specific. Maybe sometime, if we both have time, we could grab some lunch? Talk to ya soon. My reply back:Hey =) I'm happy to hear that you're starting to at home here. You'll like it more & more once you get used to it. But yah I'm sure it is difficult to pick up & move like that. And of course if you have any questions or need help around town, let me know, I'd be happy to help! What kind of medicine are you studying? Yah studying does suck sometimes lol, so I don't blame you. Where is training going to be? Well I like meeting new people, and I saw that you were new in town so I thought I'd give a shout out! And not to mention you're attractive too Well I guess it would be hard to swing a golf club if you're used to swing a baseball bat. Well we can work on that if ya want lol. Yah I actually work right off of "..." Rd, near "...." shopping center. Like say if you take highway 40 going west and get off at either airport rd or long rd, in that direction. Well definitely I'd be cool with grabbing lunch sometime, when you're not busy, maybe after you get back so it's a little easier for you, it doesn't matter to me I'm always here. Hope you had a good day, talk to you soon =) Good luck with studying. His reply back:Thanks for the directions, trust me, I need them! Anyway, ya, it is pretty crazy right now for me, I am behind on my studying, so I better buckle down. Good to hear from you and have a great day! ok so...what of it? lol need some help, or am I just looking too far into this like usual?
someone2 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 My advice: stop typing "lol" all the time? Just kidding. lol I guess it depends on the guy. But for me this seems a little bit too forward for someone who I never met before. But since I am not that guy, I have no idea if this is the case for him or not.
melodymatters Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 when in the " computer world/not yet met in person" YOU, my dear are low on his list of priorities. I have " dumped" comp friends when I have met somone in the real world, or frankly just got too busy, lazy etc. Don't think too much of it and DON'T take it personally !!!! If you ever DO get to meet and click, the whole ball game changes. Wait a week or so and then say " hey, still busy, I have a light week, wanna meet for a beer" ? and take it from there. good luck
Island Girl Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 If this is all in the same day -- especially -- your posts sound kind of desperate. Not so much the first one but the last one definitely. Sorry if that comes across as too blunt.
Author chill chic Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 If this is all in the same day -- especially -- your posts sound kind of desperate. Not so much the first one but the last one definitely. Sorry if that comes across as too blunt. well wonderful..did I mess it up then?
Island Girl Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 well wonderful..did I mess it up then? Tough to tell -- were the posts all in one day? Because the second one appears really over eager. Just try to put yourself in a mind frame that he is LUCKY you are posting to him. Not the other way around. (I wish you really did believe this.) It should help with what you are saying. Keep it brief - don't extend too much or be too chatty. It's hard because you have no feel for him, tone of voice, etc. I'd give it a few days, at least, before you say anything. Even if he posts to you. -- Is this on myspace? Computers are tough. It'd be better if you could run into him somewhere and reintroduce yourself that way. *sigh* He is a pharmaceutical rep - good money -- lots of travel usually though. And they are notorious fling masters. Just so you know.
bridget_jones Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I treat online dating like real life dating. Ok online you might have to "make the first move" so to speak, but after that I pretty much let him do the contacting online first.
oppath Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Your first message was fine. Your second was too eager. Wait several days (like 5) before you send another. Keep it short. Mention nothing about meeting and nothing so specific as how to get to your work. You shared a little too much. That is easy to do online because you can't see someones and their facial expression; it's kind of a one sided conversation.
Island Girl Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I treat online dating like real life dating. Ok online you might have to "make the first move" so to speak, but after that I pretty much let him do the contacting online first. I can see your point -- but I subscribe to the theory "let him make the first move" - or at least let him think that he did! Sometimes we have to show him the way or lead him down the path so he has the confidence to make a move. Other times - and with the guys I tend to pick - they don't need help thinking they are attractive or will get the answer they seek because they usually do. Even online there has to be some way to put yourself out there - but not -? well, OP, even if it doesn't work out, it could be a huge learning experience for you - I am tempted to show you in your post where it pushed the "boundaries" as far as I can tell.
Author chill chic Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 Tough to tell -- were the posts all in one day? Because the second one appears really over eager. Just try to put yourself in a mind frame that he is LUCKY you are posting to him. Not the other way around. (I wish you really did believe this.) It should help with what you are saying. Keep it brief - don't extend too much or be too chatty. It's hard because you have no feel for him, tone of voice, etc. I'd give it a few days, at least, before you say anything. Even if he posts to you. -- Is this on myspace? Computers are tough. It'd be better if you could run into him somewhere and reintroduce yourself that way. *sigh* He is a pharmaceutical rep - good money -- lots of travel usually though. And they are notorious fling masters. Just so you know. no the first 2 messages were one day, like he wrote back the same day, then I waited and wrote him back the next day, and then he wrote back the next day. so it was over a 2 day span. and yes it is on myspace. I was looking for people in sales, because I'm in sales so it's sorta like networking to me, and I came across him and noticed that he just moved here. so we started talking. I'm usually pretty good about posting to other people in a usual manner, like waiting a few days or whatever, not of course to my good friends, but other people I don't know very well now or anymore. I just think I got swept by his looks and it made me eager lol
Author chill chic Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 Your first message was fine. Your second was too eager. Wait several days (like 5) before you send another. Keep it short. Mention nothing about meeting and nothing so specific as how to get to your work. You shared a little too much. That is easy to do online because you can't see someones and their facial expression; it's kind of a one sided conversation. yah I might even wait until he goes to his training on the 15th of April lol, yah that's a long time, but it's a good time to say good luck on training, hit me up when you get back sometime? is that good? or what should I say? but I'm willing to wait that long honestly, because that will level off my eagerness I think.
Author chill chic Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 I can see your point -- but I subscribe to the theory "let him make the first move" - or at least let him think that he did! Sometimes we have to show him the way or lead him down the path so he has the confidence to make a move. Other times - and with the guys I tend to pick - they don't need help thinking they are attractive or will get the answer they seek because they usually do. Even online there has to be some way to put yourself out there - but not -? well, OP, even if it doesn't work out, it could be a huge learning experience for you - I am tempted to show you in your post where it pushed the "boundaries" as far as I can tell. you can show me where I pushed if you'd like to. I can kinda tell where I did, but I was just being nice, as to what I thought anyway, but over the net is hard to see expressions like someone said. could you tell if he was scared off in his last message?
Author chill chic Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 so...where did I go overboard? I thought you were gonna tell me? lol does he already think I'm over doing it? so he sent me a short message back?
Island Girl Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 My 1st message to him:This may seem strange, but I was searching for people in the area, (mainly "city" because that's where I work) who are involved in sales. So I came across you and I see that you just moved here, welcome! Anyway, I work for "..." Insurance as an agent and also work with real estate on the side. But if you could ever give me some sales tips, please let me know! lol. I'll add you if ya don't mind. How do you like it here so far? Do you play golf by the way? lol. Not too bad in this one. The "lol" don't really belong but you were trying to introduce yourself less formally. Mentioning the golf as an opener - could go well. And then: His reply back:Whats up! Ya, I do like it here, I am finally starting to get settled into my apartment and it's gradually starting to feel like home. It is difficult, just picking up and moving, leaving behind everything you felt comfortable with. I am very busy right now studying my new drugs I have to promote. It really sucks!! I leave for training for 3 weeks starting April 15th, so my slackin a-- better pick up the studying. He planted an "out" just in case (very busy studying) but he continues and seems to still be open to the possibility: Thanks for writing me, it is always nice to meet new people, especially attractive ones Ya, I play golf, I'm not very good though, I still have my baseball swing. Not really sure where its going, but love to go on the course and whack it around a little bit. Oh ya, have a few beers as well. Anyway, good talkin! So where is your work located? In the Valley? Don't know the area that well, so you may have to be pretty specific. Maybe sometime, if we both have time, we could grab some lunch? Talk to ya soon. Okay - so right here he gives you a little positive feedback about your looks and playing golf. He mentions he is more of a baseball/beer drinker probably to let you know he is not quite the "wine and symphony guy" (just in case you had that perception) and asks to grab lunch "sometime". Very casual. My reply back:Hey =) I'm happy to hear that you're starting to at home here. You'll like it more & more once you get used to it. But yah I'm sure it is difficult to pick up & move like that. And of course if you have any questions or need help around town, let me know, I'd be happy to help! So you offer to help him here - when it should have just gotten directed to lunch. After all, the point was getting to meet him and spending a little time getting to know him, right? You could have just replied back, "I'm happy to hear that you're starting to at home here. You'll like it more & more once you get used to it. But yah I'm sure it is difficult to pick up & move like that. Lunch would be great - not this week though <insert fake reason here> - what about next week?" Or you could have even specified a day if you wanted to know one way or the other if he is interested. Leaving it open gives him the opportunity of setting it up again - asking you out specifically (he has let you know already that he sees himself as very masculine - baseball player, beer drinker, etc. - this type likes to do the asking) but you go on to: What kind of medicine are you studying? Yah studying does suck sometimes lol, so I don't blame you. Where is training going to be? Well I like meeting new people, and I saw that you were new in town so I thought I'd give a shout out! And not to mention you're attractive too Well I guess it would be hard to swing a golf club if you're used to swing a baseball bat. Well we can work on that if ya want lol. Yah I actually work right off of "..." Rd, near "...." shopping center. Like say if you take highway 40 going west and get off at either airport rd or long rd, in that direction. You start firing chatty questions at him - from his portrayal of himself I would not assume he is an internet chat kind of guy - but err on the side of caution instead. No real chit chat until I find out about lunch -- because there'll be plenty of conversation filler needed then anyway. You contacted him and he is assuming it is because he is attractive. Until you find out how big his ego is, I wouldn't stroke him based on his looks. Women are probably all telling him he's handsome (you said he is mindblowingly so, right? *HOT*?) And then, even though he asked where you work and mentioned directions, I wouldn't have offered any of that information to him yet. A girl who is not desperate sees this guy as "we'll see if you are good enough for me before I divulge anything about where I live or where I work - I haven't even met you yet". I'd have taken the opportunity to throw out a comment like, "you don't need to worry about where I work or getting there just yet - let's just start with lunch first. lol" Well definitely I'd be cool with grabbing lunch sometime, when you're not busy, maybe after you get back so it's a little easier for you, it doesn't matter to me I'm always here. Hope you had a good day, talk to you soon =) Good luck with studying. Here you beg off too much. He said lunch would be great. So there is no need to tell him when you aren't too busy, or when you get back because it is easier, - he is a big boy - just put it out there that it'd be great sometime and see if the volleyball comes back across the net - does that make sense? But then you say, "it doesn't matter to me I'm always here." --- You do realize that implies you don't have a life? He doesn't know you aren't sitting with a full social calendar every day. And he should think you are in high demand - your time is valuable and he should know that from the beginning. You don't want him conjuring up images of a lonely desperate girl in front of her computer. You want him to imagine the vibrant attractive "on the go" girl that you are. You are in sales after all. And to be successful you must be strong and intelligent. Let him sit with that image instead. His reply back:Thanks for the directions, trust me, I need them! Anyway, ya, it is pretty crazy right now for me, I am behind on my studying, so I better buckle down. Good to hear from you and have a great day! So his reply conveys that he was perhaps a little put off by your last message. You aren't completely written off but there is no mention of seeing you - which is where it was headed in the beginning. So if you do write again I'd reel in the chat -- and I'd just mention "is he getting out at all? -- Then suggest a couple of really cool bars and really cool clubs and "if you get out to one, drop me a note to let me know what you think. I'm curious to know the differences you see between <insert where he came from> and here". Just to get a normal communication back from him. You can be direct after that but short and sweet - back on track with getting together for lunch. Not chit chatty or "my calendar is WIDE OPEN" (i.e. I am free next Thursday for lunch). *** I just hope you realize these young pharmaceutical salesmen are notorious party-ers and since they are just getting their feet wet and just starting to make pretty good money - they like to date.
Author chill chic Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 Thank you very much for explaining it in detail, I really appreciate it I now understand where I might have went wrong. So it's still not too late right? Like in his last message he wasn't closing me off for good right? Because if so, I don't want to bug him, I was planning on just saying something casual before he leaves on April 15. I do regret making myself too available though but as you said he didn't mention anything in his last message about seeing me. I did kinda say that it would be better after he gets back, but does he think I'm stalling or what? I thought I was just being nice in case he's busy studying or something so..it was just tuesday that I last talked to him, so I want to give it about a week or more to send him another message. so what should be a rough draft? sorry I'm really not good with the dating thing, because I was with an ex for 5 years of my late teens to mid 20's so I missed out on all the trials & errors I guess you could say.
nicki Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Island Girl, what an excellent, insightful post! You should write a dating book. Chill Chic, you are in sales, right? Treat him like a customer. Close the deal on lunch, like Island Girl suggested. Make your product (you) sound desirable, sought-after, etc. (and you are!) Economic principle of scarcity drives up the price. Never say you are wide open, if he asks when you are available, offer two times. Know your goal: ie, lunch. Ask for the sale. If he doesn't ask when you are available and simply throws out a day, counter offer his first offer (another specific day/time, because you are too busy to meet that day.) Anyway, send him a short message in a week or so, saying what Island Girl said. I'd probably make it sound work or industry related. Keep your tone friendly, but somewhat neutral. Kind of like you are networking. Maybe ask him a question about his company or product (or news article) and then insert something friendly and personal about how you hope he is getting along well. Remember to ask for the sale, so ask him something specific to reply to, like a work/industry question, maybe even a question pertaining to his upcoming training that relates to your needs, or what Island Girl said about the clubs. How fun! Good for you for reaching out and contacting HIM. That shows initiative. All good sales people have that! Now let him think the asking out is all HIS idea, even if you have to basically drop the breadcrumb trail for him.
bridget_jones Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 My take on this....wait for him to contact her altogether.
Island Girl Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Like I said - I don't think it is completely done for but the next messages just need to be reigned in a bit. As I said - I'd write because he's new to town and mention some great places to hang out but not that you'll be there or anything like that. More like an FYI. You can wait until the beginning of next week - Monday or so - and let him know you hope he had a good weekend and you should have mentioned some great places to hang out since he's new to town. Ask him to let you know what he thinks about them if he goes out. Then say your weekend was busy but fun. Then wait for a reply. When he replies match his level of enthusiasm and don't throw in "lol" everywhere - don't write it unless you really would be laughing at what is being said. It's okay - most people don't know what you do about being involved in a relationship and how difficult it can be. So you missed the whole "how to schmooze or get asked out" crap. It's easy to learn believe me.
Island Girl Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 My take on this....wait for him to contact her altogether. Nope. She already put herself out there - and possibly left things unfavorably. She needs to possibly change his perception if in fact she is going to meet him and have a chance with this possibility. If it is left alone there is a good chance he won't respond - merely because a misstep was made. Not too late to attempt to correct it. If it doesn't work than it was done anyway. Nothing lost that is already lost. But if she can have another chance, then it is worth the try - but it has to be orchestrated the right way not desperate or needy or too interested.
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 This guy isn't the MM that you've posted about before, is it?
Island Girl Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Island Girl, what an excellent, insightful post! You should write a dating book. Thanks! --- Chill Chic I've been in sales for almost 20 years. I know what you have to have to be successful. If you'd embrace these strengths and use them in the dating world you'll be very successful.
Island Girl Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Chill Chic - you could even open with -- "hey, how are you? I didn't forget about you I just got busy. I'm sure you know how that is. -- I should have told you about ______ or ______. They are fun places to hang out and wind down." and on from there. -- just thinking off the top of my head
Author chill chic Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 Island Girl, what an excellent, insightful post! You should write a dating book. Chill Chic, you are in sales, right? Treat him like a customer. Close the deal on lunch, like Island Girl suggested. Make your product (you) sound desirable, sought-after, etc. (and you are!) Economic principle of scarcity drives up the price. Never say you are wide open, if he asks when you are available, offer two times. Know your goal: ie, lunch. Ask for the sale. If he doesn't ask when you are available and simply throws out a day, counter offer his first offer (another specific day/time, because you are too busy to meet that day.) Anyway, send him a short message in a week or so, saying what Island Girl said. I'd probably make it sound work or industry related. Keep your tone friendly, but somewhat neutral. Kind of like you are networking. Maybe ask him a question about his company or product (or news article) and then insert something friendly and personal about how you hope he is getting along well. Remember to ask for the sale, so ask him something specific to reply to, like a work/industry question, maybe even a question pertaining to his upcoming training that relates to your needs, or what Island Girl said about the clubs. How fun! Good for you for reaching out and contacting HIM. That shows initiative. All good sales people have that! Now let him think the asking out is all HIS idea, even if you have to basically drop the breadcrumb trail for him. thanks for the sales related tip and I think if he came in the office to buy insurance...I'd be hella nervous, like I'd just smile the whole time and hopefully I wouldn't have to tell him too much about insurance to close the deal
Author chill chic Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 This guy isn't the MM that you've posted about before, is it? no different guy, even a different guy that I drunk dialed the other day ...that guy was my casual ex
Author chill chic Posted March 30, 2007 Author Posted March 30, 2007 Chill Chic - you could even open with -- "hey, how are you? I didn't forget about you I just got busy. I'm sure you know how that is. -- I should have told you about ______ or ______. They are fun places to hang out and wind down." and on from there. -- just thinking off the top of my head you have been such a big help!! that's a good way of messaging him, smart idea it's the right tone to set up for would could be next, and hopefully there will be a next (such as meeting up with him) I will have to keep an eye on him though, because like someone said, maybe it was you actually I dunno, but he is just now getting into pharmacy sales and those guys can be very "all about themselves" . This is the odd thing though, him, the MM, and my casual ex all were (or still are) in pharmaceutical sales it freaks me out how coincidental it is. But they all seem to fit the category of the "good time" kinda guy BUT who knows with this guy until I meet him for real though. so we'll see, I'll keep ya up to date on it though!
Recommended Posts