oppath Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I'm leaving town. I'm leaving a bad work environment (for me), low pay, and all the associations and drama associated with my ex. I'm leaving behind depression (I hope). It's quite cathartic which is why I am still posting here. I haven't moved on because I haven't moved so to speak; it's caused extra anxiety. There is something I want to say to her best friend, I won't, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to maintain my dignity. I've let this affect me enough and I truly need to move on because I am just posting the same **** over and over. It's time to toughen up. Basically, at a party a month ago, which I was invited to by multiple people (I made sure she wasn't going to be there before going), I felt a lot of hostility from some of her friends. By the end of the event, things seemed ok. A couple of them even invited me to future gatherings. A mutual friend who essentially sided with me basically said "just email them (the ones who seemed friendly) and say thanks for being friendly; it was good seeing you and I appreciate you inviting me to events, but things didn't end well between me and ex, so I'll have to decline for now; I'd rather leave it in the dark but hopefully months down the road when I get back things will be cool." Why did I do this? I don't know. I've been depressed since November and have been kind of a pussy because of it. But basically, somehow this led my ex gf's best friend to email me saying "you reacted to the breakup way too extreme and you were juvenile. You burned bridges and crossed lines. You aren't welcome around us even if you are invited. Part of being an adult is knowing that not everything is reconcilable and not everything in life is like a hollywood movie. You dug a big hole and don't realize the damage you've done. Stay away and save some dignity while you have any left." This further crushed my depression. I did respond "You, or no-one else knows how you would have responded to the breakup unless you had the same feelings and where in the exact situation. So what if I said some harsh things. Hurt is powerful and how I reacted is not unforgivable. More importantly, if I am invited to an event, there should be no hostility directed towards me, and I shouldn't feel like I have to turn events down because people don't know my side of the story. There is no need to explain it but there is no need to choose sides." Since then I vowed to avoid all things associated with her. I've been much happier as a result. And if/when I move back here, I'm going to continue this "avoidance," as really, I am only choosing to do other things. I am not truly avoiding anything. What I really want to say is the above, plus "Give me a call when the girl who has told you she loved you and dated you for 6 months dumps you with the 'I need to find myself, it's not you, it's me' line and she sticks to it despite you telling her you don't believe it. Give me a call when you are 100% belittled when she asks for friends with benefits 1.5 weeks later. Give me a call when your hurt makes you crassly tell her no, but she tries to cover her own guilt by saying "I was just joking' instead of 'I'm sorry'. Give me a call when 2 weeks after that you are told her ex bf proposed to her 1.5 weeks before she dumped you. Call me to talk about how betrayal feels. Don't tell me I crossed lines or burned bridges, she did by lying to me about her reasons for the breakup, by belittling me, our feelings, and our relationship by asking for FWB, and by betraying my trust. She did the damage, not me; I reacted as a heartbroken person would under those circumstances. I wish I hadn't reacted at all but I can't take responsibility for her mistakes; only I can control how I react but hurt is powerful. If I'm invited someplace, I am allowed to be there without hostility, so excuse me for trying to politely explain to people who invite me to an event why I can't come." That's what I want to say. I so want to ****ing say it. I've born too much guilt for all of this -- stupid depression -- and I'm finally getting better. The past few days (after a breakdown last week) have been great. I haven't been this happy since November. But as I am heading out of town, there is some catharsis. Anger that I had buried has crept back into my life. I want to let it out -- I won't give him or her any acknowledgment I am still affected. I can't wait to leave. I really feel a new environment (everything about it is positive) is what I need to lay this to rest and finally move on. And it is going to happen, but until I enter the desert I am flooded with emotions. I'm saying goodbye to friends, going to a positive place, but it is so cathartic.
Guest Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I'm leaving town. I'm leaving a bad work environment (for me), low pay, and all the associations and drama associated with my ex. I'm leaving behind depression (I hope). It's quite cathartic which is why I am still posting here. I haven't moved on because I haven't moved so to speak; it's caused extra anxiety. There is something I want to say to her best friend, I won't, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to maintain my dignity. I've let this affect me enough and I truly need to move on because I am just posting the same **** over and over. It's time to toughen up. Basically, at a party a month ago, which I was invited to by multiple people (I made sure she wasn't going to be there before going), I felt a lot of hostility from some of her friends. By the end of the event, things seemed ok. A couple of them even invited me to future gatherings. A mutual friend who essentially sided with me basically said "just email them (the ones who seemed friendly) and say thanks for being friendly; it was good seeing you and I appreciate you inviting me to events, but things didn't end well between me and ex, so I'll have to decline for now; I'd rather leave it in the dark but hopefully months down the road when I get back things will be cool." Why did I do this? I don't know. I've been depressed since November and have been kind of a pussy because of it. But basically, somehow this led my ex gf's best friend to email me saying "you reacted to the breakup way too extreme and you were juvenile. You burned bridges and crossed lines. You aren't welcome around us even if you are invited. Part of being an adult is knowing that not everything is reconcilable and not everything in life is like a hollywood movie. You dug a big hole and don't realize the damage you've done. Stay away and save some dignity while you have any left." This further crushed my depression. I did respond "You, or no-one else knows how you would have responded to the breakup unless you had the same feelings and where in the exact situation. So what if I said some harsh things. Hurt is powerful and how I reacted is not unforgivable. More importantly, if I am invited to an event, there should be no hostility directed towards me, and I shouldn't feel like I have to turn events down because people don't know my side of the story. There is no need to explain it but there is no need to choose sides." Since then I vowed to avoid all things associated with her. I've been much happier as a result. And if/when I move back here, I'm going to continue this "avoidance," as really, I am only choosing to do other things. I am not truly avoiding anything. What I really want to say is the above, plus "Give me a call when the girl who has told you she loved you and dated you for 6 months dumps you with the 'I need to find myself, it's not you, it's me' line and she sticks to it despite you telling her you don't believe it. Give me a call when you are 100% belittled when she asks for friends with benefits 1.5 weeks later. Give me a call when your hurt makes you crassly tell her no, but she tries to cover her own guilt by saying "I was just joking' instead of 'I'm sorry'. Give me a call when 2 weeks after that you are told her ex bf proposed to her 1.5 weeks before she dumped you. Call me to talk about how betrayal feels. Don't tell me I crossed lines or burned bridges, she did by lying to me about her reasons for the breakup, by belittling me, our feelings, and our relationship by asking for FWB, and by betraying my trust. She did the damage, not me; I reacted as a heartbroken person would under those circumstances. I wish I hadn't reacted at all but I can't take responsibility for her mistakes; only I can control how I react but hurt is powerful. If I'm invited someplace, I am allowed to be there without hostility, so excuse me for trying to politely explain to people who invite me to an event why I can't come." That's what I want to say. I so want to ****ing say it. I've born too much guilt for all of this -- stupid depression -- and I'm finally getting better. The past few days (after a breakdown last week) have been great. I haven't been this happy since November. But as I am heading out of town, there is some catharsis. Anger that I had buried has crept back into my life. I want to let it out -- I won't give him or her any acknowledgment I am still affected. I can't wait to leave. I really feel a new environment (everything about it is positive) is what I need to lay this to rest and finally move on. And it is going to happen, but until I enter the desert I am flooded with emotions. I'm saying goodbye to friends, going to a positive place, but it is so cathartic. I left town too and did, indeed, find that a geographic change helped me feel a lot better and put things in perspective. Several months later now, I'm back to reclaim what I loved about where I lived before I knew 'him'. For awhile, certain things, like smells, light, sounds, etc. would trigger strong emotions in me, but now I'm freer, happier, and care less and less about him. He's got a new woman, I haven't even dated, but it's okay. I'm still healing. I'm glad that I don't need to rebound to prove anything to anyone. I feel good about myself and can actually forsee meeting a really good guy one of these days. But that's not the focus of my life, being okay with myself is. May you heal and find true love!
thatmatt Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 Oppath, good for you! I too am getting the hell out of here in a few months, im going out of state for college, so i'm in a similar boat. I know it will be a long drive until then. It's been almost 4 months since my breakup, and I still find myself a wreck sometimes over her, obsessing over her. All I can hope is that it'll all go away after I move someplace new and restart my life. Remind yourself that by not taking any action towards her friend, your a better person than your ex ever will be, and you might not be in the place she is, with all the friends and fun and everything, but just focus on yourself. I know it's hard, and it's always a constant battle to let the relationship go. I wish you the best of luck
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