Auqakuh Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Hi. This is kindof in relation to my Lost... thread, but, although it's the same subject... it doesn't fit in with what I've said there, precisely. Different question entirely. The question is, am I just crazy? If you haven't read the Lost... thread, I'll summarize. Met a girl online. Fell in love with her pretty much straightaway, it was a strange meeting, almost like when you meet offline and your eyes just meet - but in text. It's the only time that's ever happened to me, in quite that way. Anyway. We didn't get together. I was still grieving for someone, and she was always with someone when I ran into her... although this never stopped us from being intimate. It was almost as if we were together before we actually got together, by some sort of mutual acceptance that the time maybe wasn't right yet... or something. Anyway, we ended up getting together just under a year ago, now, last April, and we had a tough time of it. Plenty of problems. I think distance was the key, and difficult prior relationships for both of us. We had problems trusting each other... although at the same time trust wasn't exactly an issue either... hard to explain... We started to get closer, actually we DID get closer, almost... perfect in our own way. But then I was sick last August and vanished from online altogether. I couldn't get a message to her, and someone lied to her about me - with a half-truth - and she broke up with me when I got back online. I fought for her for four hard months. I didn't do NC. I fought. We didn't speak every day, there were lapses. For pretty much the first two months we argued constantly but could not keep away from each other all the same. And then one night I just... stopped arguing and did what came naturally. We hugged. That was all we did, just hugged, and worse, it was just in text... yet somehow that was enough to break the dam, as it were. For the next two months our largest struggle was keeping our hands off each other in the digital sense. Somehow it wasn't just typing words... it felt spiritual. I would know exactly what she was going to do and be responding to it before I saw it and... this connection we'd always had seemed to grow ever stronger, although we kept pulling apart again. She was with someone the whole time, but I didn't really care in the end. I -tried- to care... to be honourable... but this was something clearly beyond honour. I told her we were soulmates, as I've always believed that. We got back together again, but we split recently because of -my- mistake. Yet now... I wonder if I'm just crazy. I've been doing fairly okay for the most part, but suddenly the past two days I've had neck cramps and my heart just -aches-, almost as if for two people... it's the way I felt before, when we started to move towards getting back together again. What's worse is that some part of me honestly believes I can sense things from her. From six thousand miles away. I sense that she misses me, and more... we always had sympathy pains for each other. Headaches, sore muscles, you name it. Can this really happen? Am I just imagining it? Am I crazy? Yet she said she felt the same... I don't know what to think.
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