hugznkisses21 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 If you are ina relationship with someone whom you both are in love very much and have a great time together but say u'd like to get more attention from him (as this has worn down a bit after the honeymoon phase and falling into comfort zone) How can u do that with you playing a game? My bf and I communicate well and i have expressed this to him but in his defense he does try very hard he just seems like one of those guys that is quite independent, enjoys time alone etc etc. So i dont want to bring it up again...yet i know us girls can become dependant and needy at times - how can i work on me and get him to "chase" me a bit without it being a game of sorts?...do u get what im saying....sometimes we all need a "wow...im dying to see me gf/bf i miss him/her"
ash519 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Well, this is kind of hard to respond to because you dont want to play games in a relationship, but you are basically asking how to make him miss you more. Well, it sounds like your life (in a sense) revolves around him, and his, well, he is more balanced. I think you need more balance. Adopt a hobby, even a class...yoga or something, that takes up some of your available free time, become involved. Dont just pretend you are too busy too see him, actually be too busy to see him. I have a feeling he thinks of you as always available, so maybe dont constantly let him know you are free and maybe even once out of every 3 or 4 times he wants to see you tell him you are busy, make plans with friends or something, but dont push this because you dont want him to get the wrong idea like you are pushing away or losing feelings. Everything above I mean as the least extreme, dont do any crazy thinks like go a week of "being busy" just have a life just as he does. It may not work completely but i bet you will feel a lot better with the whole situation.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 I have been working on that and have been busy with friends and hobbies cause i know that is healthy...i think where i struggle at times is when he just doesnt want to get together - or id like to see him and i wait for him to ask but he doesnt cause he'd rather do other things i feel a bit down. I try not to show it to him cause it isnt fair to him but i do feel that at times...i struggle with self confidence and esteem issues but i seem to be progressing in small steps - i fear him not paying attention as much = him not needing or loving me as much...do u get what i am saying?
Lauriebell82 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I have been working on that and have been busy with friends and hobbies cause i know that is healthy...i think where i struggle at times is when he just doesnt want to get together - or id like to see him and i wait for him to ask but he doesnt cause he'd rather do other things i feel a bit down. I try not to show it to him cause it isnt fair to him but i do feel that at times...i struggle with self confidence and esteem issues but i seem to be progressing in small steps - i fear him not paying attention as much = him not needing or loving me as much...do u get what i am saying? my bf and i are going through something similar. its harder cause its a LDR so we only see each other on the weekend. he says now that he wants to do other things in edition to spending the weekend with me, and it is hard cause when we stay with each other and are together the entire weekend we dont get a chance to do other things. honestly, its best for ur relationship to have other interests. its hard when u really love each other. dont think of it as a game, think of it as taking care of urself and having a good balance. i'm sure he loves u and honestly if u arent around all the time it will give him a chance to say he misses u, and will make it all the more better when u are together. it sounds like ur on the right track with doing other things. think of it like this: would u want a bf who gets pissed off when u want to hang out with ur friends, or do something else that is "girly" without him? probably not. a healthy relationship is keeping ur own interests as well as spending time with ur SO as well. i'm trying to take my own advice here, the more i write this the more sense it makes. good luck, u can do it!!!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 Thanks! I am definately trying and i encourage him to be with his friends and he encourages me to be with mine - so it is healthy - it seems the unhealthyness is in my thoughts and worries - insecurities i guess...i had an ex who blew me off and rather do other things all the time - then came over one day out of the blue and left me - left me crying alone too - so i guess i need to work past my doubts and fears - this takes time
3hundred Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 How about taking a trip.. by yourself.. go visit a friend, or a family out of town... That way, you will be forced to do things without him.. and he wont get to see your for a few days... and to top that off, you might change your hair style a bit, get a tan or I dont know what else you can do to change your style just a touch but the next time he sees you, it will be as if it is the first time he saw you again.. short physical separations and little changes definitely help keep a relationship alive... good luck..
ash519 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 How often do you two see eachother? How often do you talk? How close to eachother do you live? How long have you been together? And how old are you? This info will help me/us!
Lauriebell82 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Thanks! I am definately trying and i encourage him to be with his friends and he encourages me to be with mine - so it is healthy - it seems the unhealthyness is in my thoughts and worries - insecurities i guess...i had an ex who blew me off and rather do other things all the time - then came over one day out of the blue and left me - left me crying alone too - so i guess i need to work past my doubts and fears - this takes time the exact same thing happened to me with my ex. probably where i get my insecurity from. insecurity sucks and its not easily cured. have u thought about counseling maybe? (for urself) that may help u deal with ur insecurities. what helps me sometimes is thinking about the nice things my bf does for me. he wouldnt do that kind of thing if he didnt love me. so maybe u could look at ur bfs actions. they speak louder than words!
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 hey ash and friends hehe... For the info...Im 24 he is 25 we have been together for 9 mths. We live about 10 mins from eachother - he lives with parents and siblings, I live with a roommate...depending on things we see eachother about twice a week and at least once on the weekend - mostly twice We both are on IM during the day at our job - we use them to communicate at work with employees - So we general say goodmorning - they a hey how is your day going once or twice - then if i dont see him sometimes we dont talk until before bedtime...depends - we may call one another to say hey - but he doesnt like talking on the phone so always seems like he is in a hurry to get off
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 RUN, do not walk, to your nearest bookstore and buy "Why Men Love Bitches".
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 i have heard of it - what is the book generally about - what does it touch on>??
ash519 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Well, Judging by that info it seems like you spend a healthy amount of time together. Does he want to see you less than that? Every relationship is different. Something that is right for one couple may not be for another. The question is are you happy with your situation and if you can handle what he wants. There is no changing a man. We are the same age and in the (semi) same place. We love our bf's, are a bit insecure and sometimes want more. But ask yourself (and same to me) are our expectations too high? I know mine are sometimes. I live with my bf and our 2 year anniversary is in a week! He loves me but I know that sometimes I expect more, more time, more affection and he is like " we live together! We are always together." Then I think about it and i realize he is right, we spend quality time together a few times a week just as you and your bf do, and then we have to have our seperate lives as well. Lifes tough huh?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 Yes i know exacally what you are saying - at the time the expectations seems sooo important and crucial and if its not happeneing you think all these negative thoughts - then when i cofnront him its like when he says ok so you are upset that ______? I think geeze that sounds a bit needy or whatever. I think im going to read that book. We seem to be in the same place i suppose - yet i fear my insecurities are putting us in a bad place cause they cause fights - sometimes often. Id like for him to miss me more - its hard cause i have heard someone say dont let a guy know you miss him more that he misses you - and most of the time us women just give more than we are getting. Its how we are. So how do i turn that around - be busy, I am...then after 4 days or so im thinking ok he must miss me - the BAM he doesnt ask to see me or say he misses or like to see me soon and im disapointed cause I miss him and would LOVE to see him
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 I guess im a bit guilty cause i see him when he wants to see me - so we see eachother about the amount of time he likes to see me - i could see him everyday - move in with him etc. Which i know right now isnt the right time but u get what im trying to say. Im guilty for making time when he wants to see me...
ash519 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 So, like i said, I am not one big into games but maybe try this. Next time he says "Want to come over tonight?" Respong with "Oh, ya know, I actually have plans tonight, how about ____." Dont do this everytime but maybe a time here and there. Then he'll be wanting to see you and not be able to. That could help right? I hope that is not bad advice. My insecurities cause fights too. The last one was so bad we almost broke up for real and he was so angry at me for 'not trusting' him, although i dont call it that, its more like me 'worrying'. I know that he loves me a ton and the fact that it got so bad for him he almost left me and that is the last thing he wants to do, says a lot of the power this insecurity has AGAINST me. Something to work on that's for sure.
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