sapphire0903 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 It has been five weeks now of no contact..............I was hoping the thoughts of him, the dreams of him, wanting to talk to him,........all of it, would have eased off a bit. No, it is all still there. The thoughts of him still hurt. UGH!!! So, after being involved for over two years, how much time do you think it takes to get to a point where I can get past this?
PoshPrincess Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Really wish I could help you there! My longest record of NC is 6 weeks between January and February of this year, although we have been kind of unofficially OVER since last October at least. I am now 1 week and 5 days into my latest period of NC (although over 4 weeks of mutual NC - in other words, I have contacted him since late February but have heard nothing back!) All I can say is that I totally sympathise, empathise, etc with you. It is SO SO SO hard. I wish I could wave a magic wand for all of us in this sitch and make it go away. My counsellor asked me last night what I wanted. The obvious answer is MM of course, but, as that is almost impossible, more realistically I would like to get him totally out of my mind, feel about new BF as I did about him, and have the inclination to want to get married and live happily ever after (if there is such a thing!) I wish I wasn't so dissatisfied with life. Best of luck. Some of the guys on here are living proof that it does get easier eventually and that is what we have to cling on to!
sadbuttrue Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 posh, that is exactly how i feel. what i want most is MM, but knowing the impossibility there, i would like to be free of this. it is very strange to feel this way. to love someone so much and you would rather be completely removed from him.
Author sapphire0903 Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 You are so right, I want more than anything MM. I know in my heart and mind that is not going to happen. Wouldnt it be nice that when you are in NC the feelings and emotions were in NC as well. I have no real reason to be dissatisfied with my life,.....everyone is healthy, I am doing well at my work, I am in a better position financially than I ever have been. I am very proud of my daughter, she is doing well in school, no major problems there...............I really try to focus on these things..........I just feel a huge void at the end of the day, that I can't seem to fill myself. I have thought about trying to give myself a "cut off" point, say at the end of April, that is it, no more mourning over this...........wonder if it will work. I am so ready for my heart to be happy again, this is not me, but being the other woman was not me eaither, it made me very very sad. Posh, and sad, good luck to you both, and thank you for responding, whatever comfort it my bring, it is good to know we are not alone.
sadbuttrue Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 good luck sapphire. at least you are making an effort. i can not bring myself to go nc, i dont think i ever could, it would have to be his decision. being an OW is a very sad place to be. i hope you can find the happiness you deserve.
rdnkgrl31 Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I have to give you props for trying. I can't bring myself to do it. I have decided that having him in life, for however small, is better than not having him in it at all. Pathetic, I know. It's very sad. Good luck to you.
NeverLate Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I too have to give you props for trying. I have been in NC for going on 4 months now and I still think of xMW all the time. granted its getting better now but its still hard sometimes. I do miss her but everytime I think of that I think of how she scewed me by making promises she never inteded keeping. Unfortunately over time I find that the feelings of love and passion and longing are replaced by hate. That is truly sad but there really doesnt seem to be any other way. Bottom line, dont give up on the NC it works. NL
puddleofmud Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Amazing that I was thinking of this all day! How NC (O_V_E_R) is working for "me". I just realized today that it is (the R) no longer working "on" me and never worked "for me". Though *I* did not instigate NC; it has been seven months and I am no longer counting as I had to actually make an effort to count the months for this reply. That person, whom I now refuse to call "EX-MM" as he no longer has a personification, has become quite tiresome for me think about. Having been drained and having allowed myself to be drained had placed me at rock bottom self-doubt and self-loathing about which I was very very ANGRY. Repeat: ANGRY. I detest that anger for three reasons: 1.) I am not good at it and refuse to allow myself to stay in that place as it just doesn't suit me 2.) NO ONE places me where I don't want to be so F and double F anyone who thinks they may 3.) There are better things to be angry about and I have complete control about where I place my energy I do care about what happened to ME--I no longer care about what happened with me and HIM. Nor do I care about what happens to HIM any longer. I do care about what happens to ME *NOW* as this is my heart, my life and my soul. Can one imagine the egotisical satifaction someone would derive perceiving that one has some long held unrequieted love for them? My Spirit is to strong to bow to that altar! I may have let some one borrow my soul and they abused it. Not the first time this happened and may not be the last... HOWEVER, I tend to feel better about myself because though I may "borrow" I never steal nor abuse. That person may never come to this realization nor do I offer that person any shred of sympathy. I have forgiven myself and said person is not even accountable regarding forgiveness, so why bother? They may feel that they swallowed a gnat and this is most likely all they feel. Spring is here, new life begins and I am taking a chance to re-focus what I wish for my life. I've been making a mental list about what I want for ME, lately and dammit I am going to get all of it! Or at least try my darn-dest. Trust me, the cloud will lift and you may even look back and fathom how silly the despair and drama. It will be like reading about another in a book; this person you are now will no longer exist and you will very much like the person who reads about "her". Take care, kisses and warm hugs to ALL!
PoshPrincess Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Well done POM! I can't wait for the day that I feel like that. I still don't know what to believe re my exMM. If we had been sleeping together I would assume he had been spinning me a line to get me into bed, wanting to have his cake and eat it, blah blah blah, but it wasn't that sort of R. Of course, he could have been getting off on the excitement and it was as much as he could bring himself to do without feeling too guilty, ie he could convince himself he was technically cheating if we weren't having sex. I really don't understand any of it. Maybe when he said he wanted to leave and be with me (I didn't ask him to) he honestly THOUGHT it was what he wanted (at that time). Maybe because he was unhappy at home he THOUGHT he loved me. If I could get my head round all this I'm sure it would make it easier to move on. I feel like there's no 'closure'.
Author sapphire0903 Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 POM Wow, really deep thoughts there!.....Thank you for sharing, I feel I can draw strength from your words. I don't feel anger towards him though, he never promised me anything, he just would not let me go when I saw things heading south. Thank you everyone for the encouraging words. You know it is funny, my daughter and her boyfriend have been breaking up, getting back together,........several times now, and I have been watching her heart break, & tears, and listening to her talk about him. ( she is 16) Everything is so dramatic, and I try to step back and look at my own situation, and I feel the same .........DRAMA!! I certainly don't need it, and without him in my life, there really is not any, but I remember how much there was, the emotional drama...........I don't miss that. I do miss the connection we shared, and I worry I won't find it again. Today is better than the past couple of days,.......maybe because I went and had my hair fixed, ........I dunno, I always "feel pretty" when that is done (she does such a good job) Thanks for the comfort from everyone, I know I will get through this, .........
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