Guest Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Hi all, I have been reading all of these threads quite a bit in the last few days... I will explain my situation the best that I can. I am 26, she is 24.. We were together for 3 years... Everything was going great, we lived together for a year and then BAM one day she starts talking about "are we soulmates" how do you know, etc etc. A month later, she decides that she needs to take a weekend alone to think about "things" goes away for the weekend and comes back telling me that we were not meant to be together. After a very emotional and rough night we talked the next day - a couple of things became clear, our passsion had died out and there was someone else who she felt a "connection" with at work... She left to stay with family and I went back to our apartment. I get a crying phone call about an hour later asking me to go to where she was. I went, we had a great conversation, ended up staying overnight and we made love the next morning. She looked me right in the eyes on the way out the door and told me she loved me. She was calling, texting me, etc. Next day (tuesday) she came over to the apartment and stayed with me. I left for a ski trip and things got weird again. She was not calling or texting. I knew something was up. Left the ski trip a little early, came back to find her packing up and moving out that quick. She planned to leave me to come home to an empty apartment. We talked the day after that happened and she says things like she needs to find her place in life. That if we were meant to be together fate will bring us there... I told her that if she goes down the road of dating another man that we will be finished for good. Fate or no fate... Fast forward about a week. She sends me emails at work, I ignore them. They get more desperate - she needs to talk to me. Soon. I finally give in and agree to meet her. Later in the day she sends me a text message that she is not ready to talk "she is scared. there are things she needs to say". I tell her that I want to talk that day. She eventually comes over and basically says that she missed me and that was it. We hugged for a while and it was very weird. She mentions that she felt like we were an old married couple and our relationship had flatlined. She felt like we were missing something. Later on that week ignoring all common sense and advice, I write her a letter. The letter. Nothing after that... No response whatsoever from her. Not a text, call, email, nothing. The monday after that I decided that NC was the way to go. I was not helping myself at all by remaining in contact with her. Well, here is my dilemma. I am pretty sure that I nailed down why our relationship went south. We are very compatible in life, share common goals and interests, no issues with infidelity or anything.. Our sex life and passion was not where it needed to be. I am sure that this is what killed us. After the initial honeymoon period, we struggled with this part of our relationship. I will say that it was both of our faults. I have an issue that is common for many men - not lasting long enough and she had a communication issue with being open and showing me what she needed to be satisfied. All of this lead to us having unfulfilling sex about once a week when we would wake up on Saturday morning. She is not attracted to me anymore.... This is what we were missing. These issues caused me some self esteem issues and I think that in turn made me a little needy in the relationship... My question is this - is there any hope that I can win her back and get through this? It has been a week of NC now and she send me an email yesterday wondering how I was doing. Should I completely write her off and move on with my life? I have been going to the gym and working out hard every day. I am feeling much better about myself and know that we are compatible and things could work for us in the long run if we both put in an effort... I am holding on to the hope that she might come back... Please help.
Auqakuh Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 When you say "should I", you're asking the wrong question. It's not a case of should you. Do you want to? And you know that already, which is why you're holding onto hope. If attraction and passion was what was missing, then maybe it might be a good idea to get things off on the right foot again. Sweep her off her feet, man. Pull out all the stops and then just... keep doing it. And the time between orgasms - yours, I mean - is the best time in the world to find out about needs and desires. Soft touches, snuggling, kissing, murmuring to each other about fantasies, desires, wants, needs... there really is no better time, in my opinion. People are often most honest with each other just after sex, after all. I'd say go sweep her off her feet. Oh, and, if you two DO get back together... a little idea... take the time one evening or Saturday morning or whenever... when you're obviously both on the way towards sex... if she's shy about telling you her needs and wants, ask them with your hands instead. Tell her you're not going to do anything -but- touch her until she tells you what feels best and what she loves most... tease her for as long as you can without her mauling you herself... it's a good way to find out, if you ask me.
Guest Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Aqua Thanks for the response. My dilemma is how can I go about doing that. It is clear in her mind that she has lost interest in me... I have been NC for over a week now. She has been starting to text message me and email me again. I want to make sure that if I do pursue her and "sweep her off her feet" that I do it in the right way where it makes her want me back.... She has moved out of our apartment... Any thoughts on how to move ahead? Thanks!
Guest Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Hi all, Thanks for the support here! Quick update - as it turns out she is already seeing this other person who she felt a connection with. My question is how can she move on from a serious 3 year relationship living together and all THAT quickly... Do I have any hope of a reconciliation or should I write her off and forget about it all together. Thank you!
tikigods Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I would start the forgetting about her process. She was able to go to the oher guy so fast cause she had already turned herself off from you. She though will try to keep you in her life in case things don't work out, but if you want to move on you need to keep up with NC
smwhtshy Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I don't want to discourage you, but I would definitely recommend maintaining NC and trying to move on. I also just had a 3 year relationship end, she told me a year ago, that she wasn't physically into it, but loved me and loved the relationship. I agreed to stick it out. Long story short, ALL physical contact soon stopped, driving my self esteem to low levels, and creating this "maybe if I do this, maybe if I do that" dynamic that just ruined me emotionally. The simple truth is, we weren't compatible in that way, and did not want to face it. And, it wreaks havoc on your ego, as well as keeping you constantly on egg shells with it, at bedtime, touching, etc. Regardless of your love for her, and how good it once was, the truth is, you are not a match on a very fundemental level. I would predict that putting more energy into this could lower your self esteem, wear you out, as well as lead to infidelity sooner if not later (either you OR her), further adding to the time you may be wasting. Hang in there, release her with love while you still can, and you'll soon see this as a valuable lesson in your next go at love...Hope this wasn't too harsh, but I am finally out of my relationship due to the smae reason, and though sad now, I know in the long run, its going to be the right thing to have happened. Good Luck...
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