ash519 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 So , i have heard this before...bf and gf move in together, years pass, no engagement or further commitment so they break up and then 6 months later the man is getting married to someone else. It's almost like the original live in gf trains them and they up and move on super quickly. I am listening to the radio and this girl just called with the same story. She loved him, for one reason or another they broke up after 5 years and one year later he was married. Then her next bf did the same thing except he cheated on her in there apartment and he married the girl he cheated with. What is this all saying? I live with my bf of 2 years (living together one) and know it would tear me apart if that happend, what a boot in the ass huh? This post isnt directly about me in my situation, but just in general? Why do we think this happens, what do we do to avoid it, is living together before engagement and marriage just a pass for a man to have his cake and eat it too?
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I strongly believe marriage is good only for making stable enviroment for children. No children, no marriage. I mean its the whole purpose of the relationship between man and women afterall. Maybe those girls in your story had no or show no mother instincts. And if guy finds girl, which is attracive, wants to have his/their children and is a giver.....why not to marry then, settle down.
catrocks Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I strongly believe marriage is good only for making stable enviroment for children. No children, no marriage. I mean its the whole purpose of the relationship between man and women afterall. Maybe those girls in your story had no or show no mother instincts. And if guy finds girl, which is attracive, wants to have his/their children and is a giver.....why not to marry then, settle down. I can see your point, but I don't agree that the only reason for marriage is children. I know plently of couples who never had kids and have been married for 20+ years. But I agree that if a man wants kids and he doesn't see his gf as mother material, that would pose a problem and he would want to find a more suitable mother for his children. But then again, not all men want kids. I think that the reason for these relationship breakdowns is the fact that they are just not that compatible, but perhaps they feel comfortable. Perhaps comfort is the only reason these relationships lasted that long - it might have seemed easier at the time to stay in them rather than leaving and having to start over. I don't think it's anything people do, other than becoming lazy in a relationship; rather it's simply a compatibility issue. I did hear that the divorce rate is higher for couples who lived together before marriage, but I don't know how reliable that info is!
Author ash519 Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 Daniel, although i dont agree with your whole point of view, i do agree with certain aspects. I dont think it is the ONLY reason for marriage (children) but i do believe you shouldnt have one without the other. Lots of people do, and I dont look down on them in any way, i just think it makes for a better foundation. In many cases i dont think the reason for the break up is the woman not being mother material, it's something else. Catrocks- I can see part being lazy, but I wonder, what is the reason for the man jumping into the next relationship and taking the next moves so quickly? Why not with the original gf?
catrocks Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Catrocks- I can see part being lazy, but I wonder, what is the reason for the man jumping into the next relationship and taking the next moves so quickly? Why not with the original gf? I just think that it's incompatibility - I not a man so I don't know what goes through their minds, but if a guy is in a relationship for 3 years or something, doesn't really see it being forever but it too lazy (or whatever else) to get out, but then he meets a woman he can truly see being with forever, it gives him an incentive to get out and go after what he really wants. That's what I was trying to get across - don't know if that's the reason these things happen or not though
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I just think that it's incompatibility - I not a man so I don't know what goes through their minds, but if a guy is in a relationship for 3 years or something, doesn't really see it being forever but it too lazy (or whatever else) to get out, but then he meets a woman he can truly see being with forever, it gives him an incentive to get out and go after what he really wants. That's what I was trying to get across - don't know if that's the reason these things happen or not though I second that absolutely. The sam goes for guys. She meets some bigger fish, they click and here we go....
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 ...I don't agree that the only reason for marriage is children. I know plently of couples who never had kids and have been married for 20+ years. Yeah thats possible but its unusual. The couple has extremely good connection and is conservative or more likely girl has upper hand, is under time and social pressure and he simply gives in. Marriage is nothing good for guys. We are not under social or time pressure quite opposite. From my experience marriages b/c child is on the way holds better. On condition its not ONS product.
allina Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I've seen it happen too. Maybe the guy never really feels like this is the one? Maybe he never gets the drive to go furthr in to the relationship? I have a friend who has been with her bf for 6+ years, they're in their late 20s and just moved in together a little under a year ago. She loves him and wants to marry him but I'm not sure if it will ever happen. I live with my bf, we moved in after deciding that we wanted to get married withing the next couple years. We were on the same page about things. I think often people move in with no further plan, they do it to wait and see how it goes.
DanielMadr Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I've seen it happen too. Maybe the guy never really feels like this is the one? Maybe he never gets the drive to go furthr in to the relationship? I have a friend who has been with her bf for 6+ years, they're in their late 20s and just moved in together a little under a year ago. She loves him and wants to marry him but I'm not sure if it will ever happen. I live with my bf, we moved in after deciding that we wanted to get married withing the next couple years. We were on the same page about things. I think often people move in with no further plan, they do it to wait and see how it goes. More often people are in relationships only not to be alone. Thats a problem.
allina Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 More often people are in relationships only not to be alone. Thats a problem. I don't know if it's most of the time, but I would agree that being with someone only not to be alone is a cause of the above situation. Relationships like that lack the passion and desire to build a happy life together.
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