thatmatt Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 So I've been broken up with my ex for 3 months now, you can read my first post for more details. Anyways, I've been doing better this month, really getting things in my life together, I'm going to college next year in new york, new car, making big personal changes, really building myself back up. I've thought about her every day still, but have really started thinking about her again now that it's spring break, since I was planning on flying out to visit her. Anyways, while we were still together, she still had contact with her first boyfriend, B, who revealed he still had a crush on her, but she said it was nothing, and she didn't have any interest in him at all, although they stayed friends, and she even began calling him to help him out with some tough things. Recently, I saw on his facebook that he's friended a lot of her california friends, and there are hints that maybe he's visited her or they've gotten closer. I'm pretty sure that maybe a relationship may be starting between them again. They both were angry at each other and played a lot of games when they broke up, but I think they still cared about each other. This whole thing has sent me into a tailspin of anxiety, im shaking as I type this. All these thoughts run through my head. Thoughts of them having sex, being so close, being happy together, her friends thinking he's wonderful and I'm an ******* because I broke up with her, and she's convinced so many people I'm a horrible person. All my friends know B, he recently just go out of a relationship, he cheated on her with his best friend's girlfriend, he does drugs, is doing cocaine. I don't think he's told my ex this, because she would flip out on me for even having a drink. It just eats at me because I'm a better person than him and I don't know if I still care about her and want to protect her or what it is. I read alot about people who want their exes back after they've found someone else, and I definitly don't want her back, the whole thing has just given me an anxiety attack. Sorry for the long post, I really just needed to let this out, i'm betting this will be my first sleepless night in a long time, which sucks because I've worked so hard to get to the point where I can sleep peacefully at night, and now I've regressed in the span of 10 minutes. I really just hope this will pass soon. thanks for listening.
latefragment Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 hey that matt, I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through. I wanted to reply to your post last night but it was so late I needed to go to bed. Did you get any sleep last night? I know how it feels to be unable to sleep for weeks, and months. It is terrifying. It is one of the worst feelings in the world, to just need one thing and one thing only: sleep. And to not be able to get it to escape from reality. Of course sometimes sleep brings dreams of getting back together with your ex and everything is ok and when you wake up the reality is shattering. I cried for two months in January and February over some guy, and before that, it was another one that I cried for 2 months over as well. Disturbing. After I was done crying it was just a couple months of depression in the mornings. I'm just telling you this so you know you aren't alone. It must be so hard to go through what you are going through and to think about her with someone else. Please try your hardest not to think of those things. However, if it helps you get over her, then maybe thinking of those things will speed it up. I don't know, you have to do what's right for you. I know that you're imagining all of these scenarios about her with her ex bf but my guess is that it's a temporary comfort thing, etc. I mean, some people just like excitement. I don't know. I guess there's no way of knowing what's going on, but... just try to know that in the end, she will find out all the bad things you know about this guy. It's ok that you still miss her even though she's doing this to you. I've done the same thing with plenty of guys. I still want them even after they've behaved very badly towards me. I hope you're not still having an anxiety attack. I know all about those too. Sometimes I wish I weren't so weak emotionally. I seem to have a great deal of physical strength. If only my emotional side could borrow some of that so I wouldn't be such a basket case. Are you feeling any better today?
Author thatmatt Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 late fragment, thanks so much for your reply. I did finally get to sleep last night, but the first thing I though of when I woke up this morning was her. I haven't done that in a few weeks, and it's been nice. I've thought about it constantly since last night, everything I wrote, and it still bothers me, but I'm not in an anxiety attack, and it's more of a dull annoyance now. It's not even really the fact that she's with someone else, its that she's going back to her first boyfriend, who has so many negatives, and she still cares about him despite how wonderful I was to her, and how she treated me. It really makes me wonder about a lot of things in our relationship, whether they were really real, if she was telling me the truth when she said she didn't have feelings for him. I've engrained it in my head that time spent worrying over her is time wasted, but there are times when I just can't fight it anymore. I think she's attracted to the fact that he is completely going after her, she has him in the palm of her hand, which is what she had with me, until I got tired of it. But to sum everything up, i'm doing better today, I know what you mean about still missing them, it becomes such an anchor. I too have found myself to be an emotionally weak person at times, and I've noticed that when that goes on, it takes a toll on my physical strength as well. I've spent 3 months recovering from all the **** that happened between us last semester. Thanks so much for your reply latefragment.
oppath Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I feel for you. I've hardly slept the last two months even with medications to help. The first thing on my mind when I wake up is my ex. You've commented on my story before -- how her ex of 5 years proposed to her 1.5 weeks before she dumped me -- and she didn't tell me only for me to find out a month later. I have some similar feelings as you...only she didn't go back to him, but I know she is still friends with him and they talk and hangout. It is very hurtful to me, to be shut out and her friends to think I'm an ass for expressing anger when I learned about the proposal. It hurts because I did nothing wrong. The thing to remember is you are better off without her, AND that you do not know the nature of their relationship. You can't read minds and no matter what you think, you will probably draw the wrong conclusion. What you are feeling is natural and you are getting better. You'll have a few days where you slip downslope but you'll keep climbing back up. What you had WAS REAL. somehow, it changed, and you are better for it.
1DeadB Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Time to move on. For me that is. You can sit a sulk for all I care. I'm just tired of reading this crybaby ****.
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