Aqua and Brown Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I would like to hear what other people might say about my situation. Background: I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but it will be difficult...I met K---- late last summer during an interview. I hired her because she was the best applicant for the position. I didn't think anything much about it at the time. I felt she was a good person that I could work well with and I appreciated the fact that her life seemed to be on the right tract in her life. She was getting married and just graduated from college and seemed to be beginning her adult life. Little did I know then what I was in store for. I began getting to know her right away and within a week I realized that I was becoming attracted to her...at first it was just her personality that I was inspired by, then I started to become attracted to her romantically. I discussed my feelings with her on October 19th expecting her to put it all to rest by saying it just was not going to happen. She didn't. She had feelings for me too. We started hanging out more after that and we soon found ourselves growing closer every day. It was all rather innocent feeling then but we both knew what we were doing. Between then and the end of November we had progressed to the point were we both were in over our heads. We both wanted to call things off but kept finding ourselves going in circles, as we call it, deciding to call things off and being unable to because we see each other all of the time at work. At some point in November I think we both realized we loved each other and that made things all the more difficult to end. We took things as far as they could and both of us were not mentally able to take it any further. There was passion, but our guilt kept getting in the way of taking it any further. Sometime after we made another choice to end things, after a long weekend together, our secret got out and her husband and my wife found out about our feelings. Since then we've been pulled away from each other, but the feelings are still there. Backing up some now, I need to explain our lives. I have been married for 5 years and was staying in the marriage mostly because of my son of 4 years. I had decided to call things off before I met K---- and was waiting for the right time. She on the other hand had "just" gotten married before we met and was starting into her relationship. I'm 9-10 years older than her by the way. Its a generation factor, but mostly its a factor because we're at different places in our lives. I think it makes her feel like a family breaker and makes me feel like everyone else will think I'm just attracted to her because she's young. Neither of those are the case. My wife, recently separated, is beautiful, and to many would be considered more attractive than K----. K---- is attractive in her own right though, and more so to me because of my feelings. Anyway, that's not the issue. I'm torn apart now because of my separation on one side and on the other I have to see the woman I love everyday but can't do anything about it. My heart is broken. She goes home every day to her husband. I think she's with a better person than I am and even though I can probably find a way to be with her more often, It just doesn't seem logical for either of us. She feels she needs to give her marriage a go, and I truely understand. Despite all of this I can't seem to move on. A lot of that is because I see her at work. She also still has feelings for me and is never clear about her desire to see me move on, I think because she doesn't want me to. The catch I'm in is I know I have to, but I can't stop loving her. I'm seriously considering getting another job to see if that will help. I'm thinking that will be best for me and her. I wake up every day feeling sick. It has been 5 months like that and isn't getting any better. Please...I would like some advice if you have any to give.
norajane Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Getting another job sounds like a great idea. You know you have to move on - she's not about to leave her husband for you. Seeing her every day is what is holding you back. Can you transfer to another department where you wouldn't see her?
Babybird Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 NJ is probably right. I doubt she'll leave her H for you. If her H knows that you two had an A and her M was still new then I doubt it'll last long anyway. I am way too curious over something silly but your wording made me wonder...you said your W and her H found out about your feelings for each other? Just the feelings and not the physical? Both of the at the same time? I know I'm being nosy but care to share what happened?
Aqua and Brown Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I am way too curious over something silly but your wording made me wonder...you said your W and her H found out about your feelings for each other? Just the feelings and not the physical? Both of the at the same time? I know I'm being nosy but care to share what happened? My wife found some evidence on my cell phone, flowers I sent to the OW, and restaurant reservations. I confessed after that. I told my wife everything but the OW only confessed the feelings part. I don't think she'll leave her husband either and I don't want to be the factor in her marriage not working either. In a vacuum I know she would be with me, but I know the connection between her family and friends and her husbands is what's the biggest issue. She wants to give her marriage more of a try...I respect that. Its troubling to me though how we both allowed ourselves to get emotional about each other considering the bad timing in our lives for that kind of thing.
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