pricillia Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 What would you say to a newly started OW to stop and walk away and get on with her life with someone other then a MM before it gets too far.. ie relationship love and need. I would say that 9 times out of 10 you will want more then he will be able to give and it will get the best of you again and again and again.
NearlyThere Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 What would you say to a newly started OW to stop and walk away and get on with her life with someone other then a MM before it gets too far.. ie relationship love and need. I would say that 9 times out of 10 you will want more then he will be able to give and it will get the best of you again and again and again. I dont know what you could say. People have to experience things themselves to believe it. There have been LS members that have come on here before the A has been started or going on a long time and despite our warnings and reading posts of some of us at our most pitiful and still proceeded with the A. I would say however, the reality iof having an A is, when its good its brilliant, when its bad, its like the worst break-up you have ever experienced, sometimes day after day and something from which you will probably never recover fully.
Jinxx Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Honestly -- loaded question here. Would I take back with XMM what we started??? Hell no. I'm definitely suffering because of it but you know what -- it opened my eyes wide open -- I was still capable of loving someone -- another man, really loving someone that I connected with both physically and emotionally. I sincerely believe we could have had a go at it. But just not meant to be. Somewhere, somehow I hope to find this again with somebody else who is NOT married.
Can'tGiveUp Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Honestly -- loaded question here. Would I take back with XMM what we started??? Hell no. I'm definitely suffering because of it but you know what -- it opened my eyes wide open -- I was still capable of loving someone -- another man, really loving someone that I connected with both physically and emotionally. I sincerely believe we could have had a go at it. But just not meant to be. Somewhere, somehow I hope to find this again with somebody else who is NOT married. Perfectly said, Jinxx.
RecordProducer Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 What would you say to a newly started OW to stop and walk away and get on with her life with someone other then a MM before it gets too far.. ie relationship love and need. I would say that 9 times out of 10 you will want more then he will be able to give and it will get the best of you again and again and again. Tell her "I am sure he will dump his wife in no time for you, cuz you will be more precious to him than his wife and children and everything they've earned. The divorce will be easy, his wife will never bother you, you will love his kids and they will love you back... and he will be faithful to you forever." Only then she will realize how ridiculous her affair is.
Meaplus3 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 What would you say to a newly started OW to stop and walk away and get on with her life with someone other then a MM before it gets too far.. ie relationship love and need. I would say that 9 times out of 10 you will want more then he will be able to give and it will get the best of you again and again and again. Hi Pricillia, While I only have the background as a MW to a MM, Yes I was the the OW, I would say to any one in this kind of R with a comitted other or other's to Move on! It does no good, People make a choice in life to be 'Comfortable". That's what I have know now from my "A". MM is a male! He like any other male is turned on by attractive woman. I DO think MM must be to some degree unhappy like myself for us to have had the affair, however love is with his W, not me:sick: AP:(
stillhere Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I agree that most OW/OM need to experience it themselves. Cold hard reality. Most of us think that we can win their hearts eventually. Our situation is different, our MM/MW is different, etc. Fact is, so many don't make it. So many of us that have a close emotional bond with our A partner, sometimes it just isn't enough. I believe that if most of us had met our A partner when they were single, many of us would still be with them. I wish i could save a lot of people the heartache i've experienced. I know that i'm one of the stubborn ones. Many of us OW/OM are. Just ask MO. She's pretty much given up on me!!! I shouldn't say she gave up on me, she knows that i'm going to do what i want, and there is no amount of words in this world that will make me change my mind (unless they come from my MM!!). What i want is support when i ask for it. I need someone else's perspective when i'm ready. If i don't ask for help, i'm not looking for it. I don't expect to be coddled and told that life is a bed of roses and that my MM and i are going to skip off into the sunset hand in hand. Sometimes i allow my head to float up into the clouds and i'm asking to be knocked down to earth, but for the most part, i deal with it on my own. So for new OW/OM's, i wish they did listen to us longtime (ex)OW/OM, because we've been where you are. But i understand the need to find out on your own. All i ask is don't ask for advice if you don't want to hear what others have to say, especially if they don't agree with you and pat you on the back and tell you to "go get em tiger".
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Maybe the difference is, the new OW will see the red flags and think more when MM gives them hope and broken promises after having their eyes opened by reading threads here.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 What would you say to a newly started OW to stop and walk away and get on with her life with someone other then a MM before it gets too far.. ie relationship love and need. I would say that 9 times out of 10 you will want more then he will be able to give and it will get the best of you again and again and again. Well I'm not an OW, much less a W, but I would say, this MM is cheating on his wife....now why would you want a bastard like that?
oyster Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 So for new OW/OM's, i wish they did listen to us longtime (ex)OW/OM, because we've been where you are. But i understand the need to find out on your own. All i ask is don't ask for advice if you don't want to hear what others have to say, especially if they don't agree with you and pat you on the back and tell you to "go get em tiger". yup, I wish I found this forum like 1 year ago. I spend hours reading on relationship and particularly this section
Blind Illusion Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I'm not sure there really is anything to say. If you ignore the little voice inside of you, warning you of an affairs' implications, you are going to ignore any one's take on it.
movinon05 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I would tell them: What you're seeing is an illusion. And all the little wonderful silly feelings going on in your insides and in your heart are blinding you. Be perfectly honest with yourself as you go through that illusion and think about all the things you KNOW could very well happen down the road. NOT the things you think or hope could happen. (NOR the ones that are being told to you by the M person!!!!!!!!!!!). Talk to yourself from a friend's perspective. And get past the illusion you're ignoring. I believe most people ignore that person inside their head and think/feel only the good stuff. They live in a fantasy world that it will all be peachy keen and wonderful and lovely in the end. And, of course, send that person DIRECTLY to this forum for a good eye opening!!!!!!!!!!!!! You'd really have to be blind after reading here not to see the pain you set yourself up for! yup, I wish I found this forum like 1 year ago. I spend hours reading on relationship and particularly this section Me too. was it around 9 yrs ago? oh silly me, I had only just bought a computer! Didn't know there was a world out here!
PoshPrincess Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I agree that most people have to find out for themselves. My friend went through all the cr*p with me during and after my affair with MM. She saw what it did to me emotionally and physically, how I couldn't eat, couldn't get up for work in the mornings, could barely bring myself to spend 'quality time with my son'. She saw me constantly drinking, chain smoking and finally ending up in therapy and on anti-ds but STILL that didn't stop her going along the same road with someone else! We are all blinded by love (or what we think is love) at some time and its a very harsh learning curve. I agree with what Jinxx said to some extent. I love(d) my MM with all my heart and don't regret a minute of the time we spent together. What I do regret is the way it dragged on and on, the way we both kept trying to end it and then giving up again. I wish I had either stuck to my guns and finished it once and for all or stuck by him and waited for him. As it goes, that may not have worked anyway and although things are still hard, they ARE getting easier. Summing this up, if anyone I knew was thinking of embarking on an A with a MM/MW or even someone with a BF/GF I would simply say "DON'T DO IT!" I would NEVER want anyone to go through what I went through. No matter how much some people think they are going into it with their eyes open or that it is 'only for sex', 'I won't fall in love' blah blah blah, nothing is ever that simple. Feelings almost always (on a womans part anyway) end up coming into it.
Babybird Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 The only thing that I could think of tho say is "When your so in love with this man that you can't see straight he is going to be at home banging his wife. How is that gonna make you feel?". If that didn't work I'd probably chuckle, say I understand that they have to find out for themselves, and give them whatever other advice they ask for.
melodymatters Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I have never and will never have an affiar with a MM ( too jealous, too selfish, etc BUT, this site, and all your OW threads DID help me avoid a MM situation. my life was so dreadful at the time, I ALMOST considered a "fling" ( don't ALL relationships start as flings ?!? lol ) before I left town. So, you helped me look at the long play, and not even go there for a naughty kiss, THANKS !!! .. and like somone said above, the flirtation if not taken too far, DOES remind you that you are an attractive woman and there WILL be attractive men who get your juices flowing again
Guest Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I haven't looked on this site for a long time, but thought I would post on this thread. I would tell the person that no matter what happens, you will come out the loser. I spent a year of my life that I cannot get back knowing that I would end of with my MM. We were SOOOOOOOOOOO in love...what a laugh. Even when his marriage ended b/c his wife found out, he didn't commit to me because I think he wanted to see what other conquests he could make in his new single life. He told me absolutely everything I wanted to hear. I am an intelligent person...and I fell for all of it. We were so close that I couldn't imagine him hurting me. Well, it happened and it will happen again to anyone that allows this type of relationship to go on. Very few times does it work out to your benefit. I could count on one hand the OW in here that "got the man". I just knew I was going to be one of them...ha...joke's on me. I look back now and know what a fool I was. One good thing came out of it. I am smarter, less naive, and will NEVER EVER get involved with a MM again!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Well, it isn't getting the married man as much as it is getting and keeping the MM! BUT for MM or MW who truly are looking to leave their relationships they NEED time to learn to be on their own again. They need to heal alone. And they have a need to start anew. Someone who you've relied upon for support through the troubled relationship becomes part of it in a way. Seems to me, MM or MW leaving for OW/OM, never gives them the chance, to heal. After all they were the bandaide for the Marriage and everyone knows that the bandaide comes off when the bobo is gone.
Author pricillia Posted March 28, 2007 Author Posted March 28, 2007 wow some really good replies on this post... keep thme coming!!!
puddleofmud Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 I would ask her what advice she would give to her daughter whether she has one or imaginary? Or even a son who is engaging in duplicity or any R that is marginal and does not entirely meet ones' needs? What would one advise one's children as to positive self esteem and simple self-respect?
Author pricillia Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 http://www.queendom.com/queendom_tests/transfer This is a little long... but I got a 69... that number seems to come up a lot in my life... LOL, it is the last two number in my LP any way... as far as this test goes seems to be fairly healthy I did the self esteem test
Author pricillia Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 That was a cool test P...I got a 93... funny I probably have gotten higher but I did not have the patience for the whole test... Maybe there is a score for that?
Author pricillia Posted March 29, 2007 Author Posted March 29, 2007 I will tomorrow night.... when I have time again... Your score was great.
PoshPrincess Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 That was a cool test P...I got a 93... V impressive, GEL! I got 76. Must try some of the others.
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