TwinkleToesLondon Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 hello I've recently found this website and been reading the posts and responses with great interest; its very comforting to know 1. you are not alone 2. there are some very decent human beings out there offering impartial and practical advice. In a nutshell: I am from the UK and lived/worked in the US for 12 months during 2006. I met a friendly, funny, sexy American man at the very end of my stay, who was married. I'm 33 and I have seen friends get involved with married men - to cut a long story short we spent a lot of time together over the Summer, and I returned to England in the Fall, completely in love but fully realising that (a) he is married (b) he lives in the US, I live in the UK. At this stage I was completely giddy in love and did develop a fantasy that hewould leave his wife, come to England (as he said he wanted to do) and we would live happily ever after. Its now nearly April and I go back and forth to the States for work every couple of months. I do NOT sleep with this man - sometimes we don't even see each other as I am determined not to fall into hte OW/MM pattern. We are NOT having an affair in the physical sense. But I love him, I miss him, I think he feels the same way, and we talk often of making a life together. He does come ready gift wrapped with the MM lines: I've not been happy for years, I've never felt this way before, yadda x 10. Recently I discovered he was in London for a series of interviews for a new job. He says he wants to move here, get a job here, end the marriage and be with me. I tell him I love him, I'd love him to be here but i can't carry on being 'involved' with a MM even if the sum of that involvement is at the moment more of a shared passion for a future we could make together. 50% of my friends here think he's a jacka*s with just a slighly different MM spin; the other 50% think he wouldn't come to London (and not see me while he was here by the way) to attempt to get a new job if he wasn't serious about being with me. I'm back in the US again next week. I've gently but firmly told this man that sitting in London - alone - every weekend, driving myself crazy with thoughts of him and his wife (no kids) is soul destroying and irrespective of his new job agenda, if he hasn't moved out of the relationship by next week, I am prepared to end it, walk away, and be done. It feels like it will kill me if I do this, but I do want to have some self respect. On the other hand - are his efforts to move to London a sign of his genuine belief in our future? Help. And thanks.
melodymatters Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Sounds like a good plan ! You are retaining your self respect and putting the ball clearly in his court. since there are NO KIDS involved ( huge deal) I am not going to automatically "bash" you Stick to your guns and see what happens.. GOOD LUCK !
quankanne Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 welcome aboard the 'Shack, twinkle toes! ugh ... this is a mixed bag at best, but for now, you prolly ought not put any creedence in a relationship with this man – no matter how lovely he might seem – because until he comes before you with proof that he is legally and morally free to pursue a relationship with you, you'd be investing in a pipe dream. Your best bet is to treat him like plutonium and plan a life without him, even though your heart tells you different. for your sake, I hope this man is honorable and does the right thing by you AND his wife by leaving one relationship before pursuing another if this is indeed where his heart lays. other thing to keep in mind is that he may not get a job transfer to your country, so keep your hopes tempered for now. quank
PoshPrincess Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 You are doing well. You have not slept with him so know that at this moment, he is not using you for sex. Whether he is spinning you some sort of line or just merely enjoying the attention of having his male ego stroked is something you may be yet to find out, but it is good that you are playing your cards fairly close to your chest. Just wait to see if he puts his money where his mouth is. Stranger things have happened. The fact that he has no kids means he has no real excuse not to make the move if that's what he wants. Lots of luck & keep us posted!
pricillia Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Good for you TT, Remember that MM will tell you anything to get what they want.. so wait to see what happens with the job thing and then you will know if he is genuine. Good Job on maintaining your self respect! I know that it is not easy to give in to your needs. Hang in there!
Recommended Posts