nooneuno Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I've been dating my girlfriend for four months. She is recently divorced (a year ago) and the guy who was her "first" after her marriage still text messages and calls her. We have talked about her past relationship with him and she has told me again and again that it was only about sex and he had no interest in having a relationship with her. She says he didn't treat her very well and the relationship was nothing like what we have together now. When she talks about him now, she calls him a "loser" and says she has no interest in him at all anymore. I told her a couple of months ago how much it bothered me that they still talk. I didn't ask her not to talk to him (I trust her and I'm trying to keep an open mind) and she didn't offer to stop. I tried to let it go. She continues to reply to his text messages and it is really bothering me. She told me he sent a sexual message about how he thinks about her when he masturbates. He's told her that he "misses her more than he should". I think this is totally inappropriate and he's trying to exert some control over her by constantly sending her messages and having her respond. Am I over-reacting? She doesn't see any problem with replying to his messages and doesn't seem willing to stop. What should I do? Why is she still replying to this supposed "loser"
EC Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I like that you are keeping an open mind. I still talk to my ex and text but Its purely platonic and my bf was upset at first but hes ok with it now. I even introduced the two of them and they shook hands. Now had I recieved a text from the ex saying anything close to what your gf has said..I would have stopped contact right away. I think he is obviously trying to talk to her again or trying to get her in bed again. I think you more than I should and while I masturbate is not even close to being platonic. But i dont think its the guys fault I think Its your gfs fault for feeding him attention and writing back to him. Its making it look to this guy as if she doesnt respect her relationship with you and its giving him the ok tocontinue to send her things of that nature. Tell her it needs to stop. She has no need to talk to him. If he was such a loser then he can't possibky be a good friend either so what is she gaining from speaking to him that you cannot provide her with? Put your foot down.
Enema Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 ^^ agreed with not much more to add. She's encouraging him by writing back and these things only get more involved the longer it lasts.
Sevenmack Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Dump her. The relationship with him isn't over. And she doesn't respect you. Find someone else who will.
LittleWoman12 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Dump her. The relationship with him isn't over. And she doesn't respect you. Find someone else who will.Dump him/her seems to be the answer to 99.9% of the posts on here.
Sevenmack Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 ^That's because many questions have pretty simple answers. Especially if the two are just dating.
oppath Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Ok, does he know she is in a relationship? That is an ultimatum you can give her! You have every right to say "it really bothers me the nature of the contact he has with you. I need to make it clear to him that you are in a relationship, happy, and his comments are inappropriate. I don't mind you maintaining some kind of friendship with him if that is what you want' I trust you. But I feel disrespected by his less than platonic intentions."
IWalkAlone Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 He is trying to keep his foot in the door and hopes to resume the relationship with her. She should ask him to stop contacting her.
3hundred Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 She is out of a marriage for about a year.. she had a bf who treated her badly, before you.. and now there is you.. she must be going thru a lot of thoughts in her mind.. but if you think you can handle it, you should talk to her and make her understand how unfair it is for you both when she responds to his messages. If he was so bad treating her, why answer the messages? Or is there still something lingering that she had hoped for before and now may think that she could get? Is she being totally open an honest about it? this is what you need to figure out to decide what you should do..
manders0724 Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Dump him/her seems to be the answer to 99.9% of the posts on here. you are right. everyone seems to think breaking up is the answer. well what about those people who think the relationship is worth it and shoud work on it?
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