flower123 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We met the last couple weeks of high school, spent the summer together, and then we were separated a year for college. Everything went well that year and despite being eight hours apart, we were able to see each other every other weekend to every three weeks. We had good communication and understanding of what we both thought was okay, and tried to please one another while still being ourselves. This year he transferred to the college I go to and things have been going pretty well also. Next year we will both be transferring again. This is why I am writing here. I am so scared. He decided to join a fraternity, which is supposesably going to be good to have on his resume after he finishes school. I have a hard time seeing how a fraternity can be a good thing. When I think of fraternities I think of a lot of drinking and negative things. He keeps telling me that this one is different though. Neither of us have ever been very big drinkers, however, I know he is very excited to start doing it regularly. I’m not sure if it is my lack of knowledge about drinking, trust, or what, which scares me so much about this. I keep having terrible images, thoughts and situations run though my head. I can’t seem to get over the fact that I think he is going to drink too much and possibly do something stupid. I already know that he plans on getting drunk once a week for sure, and just drinking [or possibly getting drunk again] other nights, which makes me terribly uncomfortable. I know I shouldn’t be letting this affect me like it is… but I just can’t seem to get it off of my mind. He tells me that everything is going to be fine next year and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I’m afraid that I am going to let my worries about all these situations push him away, or I am going to crack under all of the pressure I have put myself under. I know I just need to let go, but I am having such a difficult time doing that; I don’t know how to. I don’t know what to do to get over these worries, or what I should tell him. He is also quite a bit more outgoing than I am which adds some worry. He already knows how I feel about a lot of these things, but he seems to have his mind made up. Everything is very black and white for him. Another little thing that worries me is that he has a lot of good female friends. He always has, it’s just easier for him to make females than males. This bothers me a little bit though. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have female friends… it just worries me sometimes that they are good friends. They all know about me, and some are even intimidated. The fact that they are intimidated by me makes me nervous. How do I deal with him having good female friends without getting jealous or thinking that there is something between them? I sometimes wonder if he is going to start liking one of them over me. Every so often I’ll start to feel better and more confident about things being okay, but I always come back to the same old things, I just can’t control it. I feel like if we would be going to the same college things would be a little better. What should I do? I am so confused. Is there anyone that actually has real information about fraternities, or college drinking that could help set my worries straight? Am I right or way off base? I want things to work out so bad, but I am afraid they won’t if I can’t get myself together. I know a lot of my worries are probably ridiculous, but I don’t know how to put them to rest. Any advice would help. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this long entry also, I really appreciate it.[/sIZE][/FONT]
Groovy Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 If your relationship is as good as you think then it will be OK. If it is weak then it will falter. Let this be a test to see how strong you both are. You've shared your concerns and you have to let things go now. He should live his life the way he wants and you can't stop that, only share your feelings about it. I'm sure he will do stupid things, he's a young man in college. I'm not say let him cheat, but for god sakes let him party on the side and have fun being a fool with his friends. It sounds like you have trust issues and want to keep him in your sight. The frat won't change things on it's own, only he will. If he's a good guy none of it will ruin things for you. Just take it day by day and enjoy things without looking too much into the future.
LittleWoman12 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Why can't people learn to divide up their posts into easy readable paragraphs? Is that too hard to ask or even do? Jeesh!
Sweetie2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I wouldn't worry too much if I were you...just because your BF isn't going to be at your side all the time doesn't mean the r/ship will break.... he wants to get drunk and have fun, that's allowed. My BF does it, most weekends, and we're still together almost 2.5 years later... I didn't get from your post if your going to the same college when you both transfer, or different ones... but assuming it's the same college, you'll probably see him anyway, general social life, even if your not trasexxxxx
Sweetie2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Okay...it won't let me edit my previous post, which is just plain f*cked up...so...here's what it was supposed to say, before the goofy BF wrote stuff and posted it on me... humm... *pretends to be angry, while hiding smile* I wouldn't worry too much if I were you...just because your BF isn't going to be at your side all the time doesn't mean the r/ship will break.... he wants to get drunk and have fun, that's allowed (as long as he's safe and faithful). My BF does it, most weekends, and we're still together almost 2.5 years later... I didn't get from your post if your going to the same college when you both transfer, or different ones... but assuming it's the same college, you'll probably see him anyway, general social life, even if your not, then you could plan to get together on the weekends, and school breaks.. I'm sure he will make time for you, I mean, he was willing to transfer schools for you (I'm assuming here)... good luck!!
Author flower123 Posted March 27, 2007 Author Posted March 27, 2007 Thanks a lot everyone, and sorry I didn't section it to make it easier to read. Anyway, we will be transferring to different schools next year (about an hour apart), and it was totally his decision to come to the college I am at this year. Hearing these things from you all helps ease my nerves.
catrocks Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Thanks a lot everyone, and sorry I didn't section it to make it easier to read. Anyway, we will be transferring to different schools next year (about an hour apart), and it was totally his decision to come to the college I am at this year. Hearing these things from you all helps ease my nerves. I was going to reply but it seems like you're sorted, I was only going to repeat what everyone else said anyway If it was his decision to transfer to your college this year, it sounds like he really wants to be with you. And 1 hour away isn't much - I guess it's a lot when you've got papers and exams and deadlines but you should be able to see each other regularly enough I'm glad you're less nervous about it, don't worry
Green84 Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Okay, so my girlfriend and I started dating six years ago in highschool. We were two years apart, and although the first year of college was really hard for us, we made it. The second year was much easier because we always had the plan that she would go to the same school as me when she graduated, so I had a lot to look forward to. At the last minute she decided to go to a school in our home town. I was really happy for her, but somewhat discouraged by having to go two more years of being apart. I did the whole fraternity thing and had my fair share of drunken nights, but I always remained faithful because I truly love her. She knows this and rarely worried about me. So now I am a month away from graduating and after six years, my girlfriend and I are stronger than ever. There were definately though times, but if you truly love someone then you have to let them do what they want. She went to a school she really loved and I joined a fraternity and both of us are happy. I am about to go to law school back home so we will finally be able to move in together and hopefully I will propose to her this summer. If you and your boyfriend are truly in love, it will all work out and he will stay faithful and rarely make you worry. College is a long process for long-distance relationships, but the waiting is so worth it.
Guest Posted March 30, 2007 Posted March 30, 2007 These are almost the exact same worries I have when my boy goes on exchange...I don't want to hold him back, and I wouldn't, but my heart just drops when I think of the American fraternity/sorority college lifestyle. But there is nothing you can really do about it. Just hope that he is man enough to fess up if he ever screws up and if he DOES, dump his ass quick. I suggest you on a study abroad at the same time as him! That way, perhaps he will have the same worries about you AND also, you won't be just sitting back at home pining away from him and missing him too much and worrying yourself to death.
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