basscatcher Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 (Sharing-writing letters is suppose to be helpful. I need to write and share and I don't think it would be good to share with him so I am releasing here.) I am flooded with the fact that I'm trying to get further away from what I want and I can't have. I see and feel I am gaining minimal ground I want to take bigger steps to get away from what restrains me. I don't want to let go of my dreams or desires. I don't want to let go of you but you are not here for me. Your shadow is holding me back. I want your shadow to become you and be with me. Unknown to me---------you would take hold of my heart when my eyes were blind... Now, I'm trying to release you from the bed of my hopes and dreams. My heart is being bruised as I fight to let go and I fear it won't heal. I asked God why he led you into my life; only to know, you would gain the love in my heart and you wouldn't reciprocate. It is a cruelty that I believe is an injustice to my heart. I fight with my head to let go of you. My heart holds on stronger and makes me fall to my knees begging to be released from this burden that holds me back. I have days when I am strong and I can live normal On the days when I am weak--I am shredded. If the head rules the heart why can't my head control my heart now? I have become a burden to you as well. I know what it is to have someone very fond of you and you don't return their feelings. Their feelings for you become like a noose around your neck, choking you, you want to run as far away as you can. It is a unbalance. One is left on their knees crying and the other is hiding. No one knows the pain and struggle of another person’s agony unless they are sharing with them. Most people won't share another person’s pain because they do not know how it is to love another to help carry the burden. I'm sorry I feel in love with you. I'm sorry I burden you. I'm sorry I struggle to release you. I'm sorry for being the noose around your neck. I'm sorry for making you flee from me. I'm sorry I am My burden should be my own. My yolk should be my own. My misery should be my cross. My heartache should be silent. Why did I fall in love with a man who could not return the same measure? Why do I continue to live by the rules of my childhood? Why do I struggle to grown out of the old mold of poverty? Why won’t my heart let go when my head is telling it too? I tell myself to get over you because you won’t love me back. You say "Maybe we can be friends someday." I do not know this. You live in denial and I can't change that. You admit many truths to me when we are face to face. You can't hold onto them when you are face to face with me. You are not strong with me. My heart must find a way to let go. Its been two years we have danced together in our unique relationship Yet you won't take the step of truth. I have to let go. I have to find a way. I have to fight this struggle. I have to persue forward. I have to not give up on me. I have to succeed for myself. I have to create my happiness. I have to be good to myself. I have to be proud of myself. I have to love myself I have to take care of myself I have to have faith. I have to ...
polywog Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I hear you, basscatcher. I read through your letter and it mirrors one I'd think about writing to my ex right now. I thought it curious that there was a reference to "letting go", since your name is "basscatcher". I love to fish for sea bass (the season is just around the corner where I live!) and I have to always let the yummy little undrsized ones go, so it seemed apropos.
Author basscatcher Posted March 26, 2007 Author Posted March 26, 2007 I thought it curious that there was a reference to "letting go", since your name is "basscatcher". I was a different name but had it changed for privacy. I can't be searched as easily as my other name.
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